Hello everyone, I'm Mommy.
Last weekend, I took my son to the toy store, and when I checked out, I witnessed something that made me feel very afraid:
A three- or four-year-old boy cried and cried at the door of the store, occasionally screaming.
His mother slapped him on the back angrily, presumably with uncontrolled force, and when she slapped him, the little boy fell face to the ground, and his temple almost hit the sharp corner of the glass door.
At that time, my heart was tugged, and his mother panicked and immediately picked up the child and left.
After asking the salesman, he learned that the little boy looked at a small 2,000-thousand toy car and begged for half a day, and his mother felt that it was too expensive to buy, and he began to cry.
Fortunately, the child was not injured in the end.
It's common for children to insist on wanting something, but few parents can handle it properly.
So today I want to talk to you about how to deal with similar situations.
Scenario 1:
If you don't buy something, the child will cry
At the stage when the child is 3-5 years old, he likes to "blackmail" the parents with crying.
There are many videos on the Internet of "children crying, parents watching quietly".
While this practice works, it is not a good idea to let them cry in public.
What should parents do when a child tries to achieve an end by crying?
You may wish to refer to Professor Li Meijin's suggestion: just take it away.
You can take your child home, or go to a space with no dangerous goods, educate your child one-on-one, and follow the 4 "don't" principles -
1. Don't swear;
2. Do not fight;
3. Don't preach;
When children cry, any language is noise in their ears, and it is even more impossible to hear the truth.
4. Do not walk away;
One is for the safety of the child, and the other is because the child is crying for you to see, so it is better to watch them perform quietly.
During this time, no matter how much the child cries or goes crazy, as long as they do not engage in self-mutilation, they should ignore it.
Wait until the child is tired of crying and stop crying, and then use action to comfort them, take a hot towel to wipe their faces, or help them blow their nose.
At this time, pay attention to the fact that the baby sees that her parents take the initiative to care for herself, and may feel that her requirements still have hope to be realized.
So after wiping your face, you must ask the child at the first time, "Are you still crying?" To cry and to cry. ”
Don't be distressed or give in, let the child understand that crying will not solve the problem.
When the child's mood is stable, it can be reasonable.
For example, if a child has to buy a toy car, and there are already many such cars at home, we ask the child, why do you have to buy another car?
Guide your child to give reasons and encourage them to communicate with themselves.
When we understand the needs of the child, whether we agree or not, we must give the child a little hope: "What you want in the future, you can say it well." If your reasons can impress Mom and Dad, we might promise you. ”
Make this clear, and you can properly satisfy your child later.
Professor Li Meijin suggested that the child asked for 3 times, and we met 1 time.
This allows them to learn to cherish and thus better raise their needs.
Scenario 2:
The child is sensible, but what he wants is too expensive
Zhihu has such a question: "Children are usually very sensible, rarely ask me for gifts, recently children want to buy a toy but the price is too expensive, a month's salary, how to deal with better?" ”
You can see that this mother is very embarrassed.
Reject the child, can't bear it.
If you don't refuse, it is difficult for ordinary families to come up with a month's salary to buy toys for their children.
In this case, whether you agree or not, you must keep one principle in mind: take your child's needs seriously.
Start by asking the child what the reason for wanting this thing is.
To understand whether the child is on a whim, or if he really likes it for a long time, or if there is something difficult to say.
I've seen a real-world case before:
When the child had to buy ice cream to eat after school, the mother felt that it was not good for the body and did not agree.
But the child insisted on buying, and his mother kept saying to him, "Ice cream makes you grow tooth decay, fat, diarrhea...", and struggled for a long time.
Later, the mother learned that the child did not answer the question in class, was criticized by the teacher, and the classmates also laughed at him, he was very aggrieved, but he did not know how to express.
Whether it's good or not, whether it hurts the body or not, that ice cream is just a comfort in the eyes of the child.
Therefore, it is important to understand why children need it.
If the child is trying to heal the wound with this thing, we can provide them with a better way to comfort them.
If the child really likes it, I think more precious than money is the satisfaction of the child's childhood.
Compared with the "unworthy" in the eyes of adults, the happiness of children is the most critical.
If you can't get a month's salary at once, take your time.
Knowing @ Shisheng's approach, it is worth learning.
First, sincerely tell the child that this toy is very expensive and we can't afford it for the time being, but we may be able to buy it after trying to save for a while.
Children have the best concept of money, if not, then follow their concept.
For example, babies usually love to eat lollipops, and the price is converted into how many lollipops can be bought by this toy.
Let the child understand that this toy is expensive.
Then they leave the choice to themselves – whether to eat lollipops or save the money for sugar and save it for expensive toys.
Of course, you can't blindly be harsh on the child's life. The nutrition that should be supplemented and the clothes that should be worn cannot be less, but it only saves some unnecessary expenses.
If the child asks, "Doesn't our family have a lot of money?" ”
You can settle accounts with your children and let them know about family expenses and the use of each salary of parents.
Speaking of this, give children a little more hope, after all, it is difficult to save a month's salary only by "throttling", and it is equally important to understand "open source".
In response to this, @ Shisheng briefly explained to the child the truth that "time is money".
If you do your own thing well, adults will have time to earn more money and save enough money faster.
After such a process, children can not only change some bad habits, but also understand the truth that paying to have gains.
As long as parents are not humble and give their children enough respect, children will not be inferior because the family is not rich enough.
Instead, they realize that although the economic conditions are not good enough, they still have the opportunity to have what they like.
Scenario three:
When the child sees something he likes, he wants to buy it
I remember the first time I took my kids into the toy store, I was single and my cousin's.
As soon as I entered the toy store, my 4-year-old nephew was as excited as a monster wanting to eat Tang monk meat.
At that time, I had just graduated from college, and I didn't know anything about the toy market, nor did I know how crazy it was to bring my baby to the toy store and let him choose at will.
It wasn't until my nephew walked up to me with 1 box of Legos, 2 Ultramans, and 3 cars, and I handed them all to the checkout clerk, that I knew the word "regret" was written.
6 toys, cost me half a month's salary.
But the things promised to the child can not be regretted, and can only be hard to settle the bill.
At that time, I thought that in the future, when I have a baby, I must make rules in advance in this regard.
So when my son reaches the age when he can go into the mall to pick up toys, I will communicate with him in advance: "We will go out to play, and you can tell your mother what you want to eat and play." But if there is something that your mother did not promise you, can you reason with me well and not cry? ”
The son would nod in agreement.
If he forgets this promise after playing happily, I will remind him that "you promised your mother, you are a little man, you can't bully your mother." ”
It is still very useful to show weakness in front of the baby.
Before going to the toy store, I will also tell him: "Mom still has xx money, you can buy your favorite toys, more than this price can not buy." 」 ”
He was basically obedient, and once or twice he would throw a small temper tantrum, but he would never mess around.
In fact, as long as parents usually lead by example and do what they say, children will keep their promises.
Occasionally, he encounters toys that go over budget, but he loves them. Usually I suggest that he save up the money this time and buy it next time.
Most of the time, he forgets it the next time he comes back, but I'll still remind him that "the money you have now is enough to buy the toy you liked last time."
In the end, whether he buys or not depends on him.
In fact, adults and children are the same, and there will be times when they insist on having something.
The only difference is that adults know they have a few dollars in their pockets, while children always think their parents are billionaires.
I have always felt that there are fewer unreasonable children and more parents who cannot communicate.
As long as we are willing to squat down and discuss with the children, respect their needs, and believe that the children can do well.
What principles do you have for buying things for your children? Welcome to leave a message to share.
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