"I can beat you and scold you, but you are not allowed to cry", this kind of behavior of parents is more terrible than bullying
In this world, not every parent loves their children
It's not the love you think you want, it's real love
Many times the actions of parents are invisibly hurting their children and affecting their happiness in life
As a parent, it's time to reflect
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Before the winter break, I once went to send my son to school
As a result, I saw such a scene at the school gate
A young boy was so anxious that he didn't have a math textbook with him, so he had to ask his father for help
As a result, instead of comforting him, Dad scolded him sharply
"How many times have you told me, go out to check your school bag, don't take the job, you just wait for class to dry your eyes"
"I'm still in a hurry to go to work, I don't have time to get it for you, you can do whatever you want, think of your own way"
I saw my dad refuse to help him, and the time for class was coming
The helpless little boy began to cry in an instant
At this time, the father did not have a soft heart, but pointed at the boy viciously
"You give me less to cry here, don't be ashamed, don't cry"
Finally, seeing the child crying non-stop, the father actually couldn't help but move
Looking at this father and son from a distance, I really felt sorry for the helpless child
Many times parents are like this, in the name of love, hitting and scolding their children
Especially when encountering children making mistakes, they are even more selfless and ruthless
As a result, once the child starts crying because of grievances or pain, the parents are even more unhappy
This kind of behavior of "I can beat you and scold you, you are not allowed to hurt and cry" is undoubtedly a kind of bullying of children
Not only will the child lose trust and dependence on the parents, but also leave a huge shadow on the child's body and mind
01
Children who are "bullied" by their parents are mentally devastated
Bully the small with the big, bully the weak
Such a relationship should not have occurred between parents and children
However, in life, there are countless parents who have unconsciously committed such acts to their children
There is such a case in the program "Don't Underestimate Me"
A girl named Huang Xiaotao, from birth, has been pinned on infinite hope by her mother
Therefore, her mother always has strict requirements for her
Usually, it is either hitting or scolding, and even one day, because Huang Xiaotao did not memorize the text
Her mother slapped herself in the face of her child at two o'clock in the morning
As a result, Huang Xiaotao's body and mind were devastated, and she became more and more distrustful of her mother
Many parents are used to using their parental authority
Educate children from on high, demand children, and force children to obey their own control
So that the child is "bullied" and is powerless to resist
Eventually, it seriously hinders the physical and mental development of the child
There is a neighbor downstairs who will force her daughter to practice the piano every day
Once the daughter played the wrong thing, or lost her mind, her father would hit the daughter with a thick "stick"
Sometimes the little girl couldn't stand it and started crying
The father would scold his daughter
"Cry what cry, give me a good play, cry again I will beat you"
I often listen to this kind of conversation between father and daughter, and I am in a very bad mood every time
When I think of the girl who suffered so much, I can hardly imagine how frightened her heart should be
Many times I ran into a girl in the hallway and wanted to grab her and say a few words of comfort
But before I could get closer, the girl shrank away
So I said to the neighbor one day
"Don't hit the child like that, she will have a psychological shadow"
But the father did not listen at all, and said, "I will not beat her now, I will not force her, in the future, some people and things will force her to torture her, I am for her good."
But is this really good for children? If I were a child, I'd rather not be that good
As director Xu Zheng's wife Tao Hong said
"You're an adult, and you're not proud to bully your child to win!"
As a parent, you must understand that educating a child is not about using the power of an adult to bully her and kidnap him
Such a way will not teach excellent children, but will only cause damage to the child's spirit and leave a huge shadow
Thus the relationship between parents and children becomes fragmented, making the child's life fragmented
02
Children who are bullied by their parents are shackled in their hearts
In the TV series "The Coolest World", the girl Shen Ying has been living under the "bullying" of her parents
When she was admitted to college through her own efforts, she was successfully admitted to a media after graduating from college
Just as she was about to start her happy and beautiful life, her parents came out to be demons again
They ordered her to resign and told her to go back to her hometown and marry someone she didn't like, but the reason was that their son wanted to marry his daughter-in-law and didn't have any dowry money!
Shen Ying did not agree, and her parents humiliated her with all kinds of words and moral kidnapping
He even rushed to the place where Shen Ying worked to scold her
And as soon as they met, they gave their daughter a slap and questioned
"How can you be so selfish, I raised you so big and spent so much money, you don't care about your brother now"
In the hearts of Shen Ying's parents, her daughter did not have her own life at all, and she should be their vassal
Whatever they told her to do, she had to obey
In the end, Shen Ying also suffered from serious psychological diseases under the "bullying" of her parents
She was diagnosed with major depressive disorder
There's a term in psychology called "toxic parents."
It refers to those parents who only know how to command and control their children, cannot respond to their children's needs, and cannot understand their children's inner feelings
And children who have long lived under the control of such "toxic parents" will inevitably have a lot of negative pressures in their minds
Over time, you will unconsciously carry heavy shackles
As a result, it becomes more and more collapsed, and even finally there are emotions such as "I don't deserve it" and "I don't want to live"
03
True love for children, respect is the foundation
Win the child, lose the education
Many times parents have to make it clear that there is no confrontation between parents and children
More often, it is a gain and a loss
As parents, we must not use repression as a parenting for our children
Remember, true love for children, respect is the foundation
As a parent, don't use your child as a trash can for your emotions
Even in anger, learn to control yourself and not let yourself become a puppet of your emotions
Thus becoming a garbage man who bullies children
When a child makes a mistake, start from the child's point of view
Feel more about their feelings, put love for children first, and try to keep your heart calm
In this way, we can well guide children to recognize their mistakes and correct their behavior
At the same time, it will also make the parent-child relationship more intimate, and increase the child's sense of security and self-confidence
At all times, we have to remember
It is easy for adults to bully and control children, but what they leave for children is only shadows and heartache, and it is useless for children's growth
True love should be respect, understanding, protection, encouragement, and step-by-step guidance
A little more care, a little less bullying
I believe that children will become more and more sunny and more and more full of expectations with our help
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