Today, Doudou (pseudonym), who is studying in the third year of junior high school, made his first psychiatric visit.
Doctors announce the diagnosis to their parents: major depression, "hospitalization"!
Hearing the doctor's diagnosis, I was extremely excited: "At least someone told me that I was not looking for trouble, I was not dying by myself, I was not not loving myself, I was just sick." ”
Two years ago, Pocket knew something was wrong.
At that time, she had just moved from elementary school to junior high school with honors.
To outsiders, she is hard-working and academically good, but she knows that the pursuit of grades has become a black hole that is rapidly devouring her.
She lives in the school dormitory and wakes up at three or four in the morning. The dormitory was cut off without lights, so she shut herself in a toilet with voice-activated lights to study.
She wasn't in the mood to dress herself up and manage her personal hygiene. Getting to the top of the school is her only goal in life.
As soon as the quiz did not meet her expectations, she would tear up the test paper in a rage. She would use her fingernails to cut the back of her hand so that she dug a small pit in the flesh and pus flowed from the back of her hand.
It's not that you haven't asked for help.
In the second grade of junior high school, the class teacher noticed her abnormality and suggested that she talk to the school counselor.
After several meetings, I remembered a sentence repeatedly emphasized by the counselor: "You are not sick, you just don't love yourself." ”
This sentence made her half-convinced, and on the other hand, it made her more confused and anxious.
Later, Tudou began to develop suicidal tendencies. At the insistence of the class teacher, the parents finally decided to take the pocket to see the children's psychiatric department.
In recent years, children's depression has gradually entered the public eye, and the phenomenon of teenagers committing suicide due to emotional problems occurs from time to time in tv news.
In fact, as early as 2014, the World Adolescent Health Report pointed out that about 1.3 million adolescents died in 2012, and suicide is the third leading cause of death among adolescents worldwide.
Depression, which begins in childhood or adolescence, can have a vital impact on mental health throughout a lifetime.
However, most Chinese parents are not deeply aware of this phenomenon.
In psychiatric clinics, many adolescents under the age of 18 can be seen alone.
When asked why, most of them answered that "my parents will not understand at all, they will only say that I think too much", and even "my parents do not want to accompany me".
Although accompanied by parents, when the psychiatrist gave a diagnosis of "depression", the parents scoffed and treated it as a joke.
"My child is so young, how can he get depression?" It is a problem that most parents cannot understand.
Where does the children's suffering come from?
1. The high expectations of parents make children lose themselves
In the variety show "Teacher Please Answer", there is a 6-year-old girl who can be xin, and her life schedule is comparable to 996.
Under the arrangement of her mother, she began to attend extracurricular classes from the age of 3, learned the curriculum of the first grade of primary school at the age of 5, and prepared to contact the financial management class at the age of 6.
Ke Xin, who is only 6 years old, has a schedule detailed to each point in time.
In order to strictly regulate her daughter, the mother also made family rules, which require self-motivation.
Ke Xin is very sensible, although she feels that her mother is strict, but she listens carefully to her mother's requirements and strives to implement them.
However, in the show, the girl has a different side.
She acts compulsively, and when she swings her paintbrush, she must stop in the same order;
She has social difficulties, no friends, and difficulty integrating into her classmates;
She is accustomed to flattering, even if the questions she has to answer are actually not pleasant;
What is even more distressing is that at a young age, she experienced the pressure to say that she was not happy...
6-year-old Ke Xin, trying her best to be the perfect child in her mother's heart, but this self-requirement makes her spiritual world crumbling.
On the surface, the child is obedient and sensible, and behaves normally.
But the child's heart has long since lost its own direction.
Psychological counselor Hu Shenzhi said: Depressed emotions are derived from loss.
2, parental denigration and denial, is the most poisonous medicine
A blogger once shared such a thing.
Many people think that children are just saying a few words, how can they not stand it?
Because, for the child, the evaluation of the parents is the channel for him to know himself.
When a child encounters anything, it becomes his own fault, and when he encounters any difficulties, there is only ridicule and accusation.
In such a world, the child's confidence is worn away little by little, and the self-esteem is hit step by step, and finally falls into the darkness, which is not a relief.
If you love children, you really have to say it well.
Because, every blow and denial is a heavy injury to the child.
3, parents' emotional neglect, let the child scarred
Many parents have a hard time acknowledging the pain and bad emotions their children suffer.
In the face of the child's request for help, they are indifferent, and even think that it is the child's fault, as if the child can make a choice on his own.
Behind this alienation and resistance is the inability of parents to establish a connection with their children and are unwilling to accept their children's truest emotional feelings.
"Crying what you cry, tears won't solve any problem."
"There's nothing to be afraid of, you see what others do."
In parent-child relationships, emotional neglect is a more brutal existence than violence.
Children are like living on an island, not being valued and not being seen. Such anxiety is enough to destroy any child.
As a parent, how to help your child out of pain
1. Understanding and respect are the support children need most
You must realize that as your child's closest and most trusted relative, your every word is hundreds, thousands of times more powerful than ordinary people.
So, before you learned about depression, if you recklessly and hastily say something like:
"You're not sick"
"You are thinking too much"
"You're too busy to get busy."
"Who doesn't get a little depressed?"
"It'll be fine after a while"
And so on, it's easier to inflict tons of harm on patients.
Therefore, when you want to do something for a depressed child, you must first establish such a consciousness: depression is a disease that I do not understand, I want to understand this disease, and I will not take it lightly until I understand it.
2. Encourage and accompany patients to seek medical treatment in time
As a parent of a child, you need to encourage your child, express your love and warmth, help them build confidence, that is, tell them that the disease can be cured.
As long as it is treated professionally, it will certainly be able to recover.
At the same time, it is very important that parents should accompany their children to the hospital together, and communicate more with the child's doctor, learn more about the child's condition, and express their concern to the child.
In terms of medication, urge your child to take medicine on time. Do not reduce the dosage or stop the drug without permission, even if it is good, you must slowly reduce the dose under the guidance of a doctor.