Many parents asked me: Teacher Yun'er, we parents are going crazy. What the hell is wrong with our children? Now at home black and white upside down play mobile phone games, do nothing, do not mention school, everything is good, can also talk to you, a mention of school, either tantrums, or close the door, no one cares. Others are isolated from the rest of the world and do not speak to anyone. Some don't even eat, either order their own takeaway, or when they want to eat and when to eat. Teachers do not answer phone calls, and teachers do not meet at home visits.
Teacher Yun Er
Some children, you ask him why he didn't go to school? They don't say. Why don't we drop out? He does not drop out of school. Shall we take a leave of absence? He does not please. Do we want to take a break from school? He doesn't take a break from school. Parents are eager to crash to death. The teacher called the parents and let the children come to school, but he did not go and did not respond. He neither took leave nor went to school, he could not move, the teacher was in a hurry, and there was nothing he could do, he could only report to the school. School research: As long as the parent writes a letter of guarantee, the child's non-school has nothing to do with the school, the child's safety is the responsibility of the parent, and any safety problem has nothing to do with the school.
College students do not go to school is even more diverse, are adults, or play games do not go to class, do not learn anything, hang up the subject, do not go to school. Either you will not go if you have a strained relationship with your classmates in the dormitory. There are also those who are reluctant to learn without any reason. Some fall in love, fall out of love, go crazy, can't go to school.
What is even more incomprehensible is that in some famous schools, most of the students are college entrance examination winners in various provinces, and they have never been the first to last in the examination, and they can no longer go to school after taking the first place in the penultimate examination. The problem is that he did not hang up the subject at all, it did not affect the graduation employment, and even some of them were pushed away from the school to study for a doctorate, and they did not go to school.
It is understandable that middle school students cannot understand the lessons and do not go to school. Some of them are really puzzling: some of them were originally at the top of the list, or even the first and second places, because they were worried about the decline in the rankings, or felt that there was no hope of going to Peking University, so they did not go.
Many parents are eager to become Sun Wukong and drill into the brains of these people to see what is really going on.
What's even more devastating is that these people shut themselves in their homes and stay at home. He still looks at his parents every day and is not pleasing to the eye, his parents do not say him, and they are still looking for their parents. Parents who don't talk are probably a little bit better. If the parents say which sentence he feels is not listenable, the light is noisy, not at all reasonable with you, the heavy is to make a big move, the furniture and appliances are all smashed, and even the clothes and bedding are torn, and the light is lit. Get rid of a living Yama king.
Some children with relatively good family conditions are either busy chasing stars every day, or busy shopping every day, or busy with falling in love every day. If only you were in love normally! She (he) is a boyfriend or girlfriend for a few days, either a nightclub every day, or even mixed with the little every day, or she does not return home at night, or even brings some social personnel to stay at home. Spending money is really generous, from a few thousand a month to tens of thousands or even hundreds of thousands of hundreds of thousands, jump off the building without giving money, and commit suicide without agreeing to conditions. The parents were completely kidnapped by them, and they dared to be angry and did not dare to speak, so angry that they vomited blood.
This reminds me of the 90s, when I was working in Texas, every morning when I rode my bicycle from the southwest of the railway to the Dongfeng Tunnel Bridge, I had to pass a railway kindergarten. This kindergarten is next to the railway, on the south side of the Dongfeng Tunnel Bridge. Every day I see a little boy who just doesn't go into kindergarten, rolls on the ground, and almost makes a fuss for a year. A few of our teachers who lived on South Iron Road talked about it as soon as they entered the office, and it was really strange at the time: Why is it so difficult for this child to enter kindergarten every day? Auntie and Mom and Dad expend a lot of energy for him every day.
Now this phenomenon has a new term: refusal to study.
Foreign experts are in full swing for the study of refusal to study. Many experts believe that there is an inevitable link between rejection disorder and autism spectrum disorder or autism spectrum disorder. Many other experts have developed scales specifically for diagnosing refusal. However, there is still no uniform formula for how to treat school refusal.
In recent years, the phenomenon of domestic students "refusing to study" has become more and more serious, much more serious than abroad, almost every school has occurred, and the situation in high schools and universities is even worse, after children refuse to study, they hide at home and do not go out, do not communicate with others, and even isolate themselves from the world. Over time, their social functions deteriorate, their relationship with their parents is tense, and their thinking is extreme, further aggravating psychological problems. More severe cases can lead to mental illness, which affects their whole life and becomes a major problem for parents and teachers.
It is more related to schizophrenia and personality disorders. In addition, it is also related to the education of parents for their children. Many parents repeatedly meet the requirements of their children, without a bottom line, resulting in children who immediately shrink back when they encounter difficulties, and there is no perseverance and motivation at all.
In psychiatry or psychology diagnoses, they are often diagnosed with social anxiety disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, specific phobias, depression, oppositional defiance disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder and adaptation disorder, schizophrenia, gaming disorder, etc. In practice, grades decline, parent-child relationship tension, teacher criticism, classmate relationship tension, campus bullying, Internet addiction, early love, lost love, dissatisfaction with the school, dissatisfaction with the subject major, etc., some key middle schools, key universities excellent students refuse to study the reasons are more complex.
However, many students are still unable to walk into school after medication and psychotherapy, even without any obvious psychological and physical symptoms.
The final results of these patients obtained by foreign experts through the tracking of a number of rejected scholars for 1 year, 20-29 years: results and percentages: 18% of those who interrupted compulsory education; 45% of those who did not complete high school; 43% of adult psychiatric outpatient treatment; 6% of adult psychiatric hospitalizers; 6% of criminal offenders; 14% of those who still lived with their parents after 20 years of follow-up; 41% of those who married after 20 years; and 20 years of follow-up: 59% of childless people 41% of those with 1 or more children.
The U.S. Department of Education uses the term "chronic absenteeism," defined as missing classes for 15 days or more per year, and calls it the "hidden education crisis," involving more than 8 million students, or 15 percent of the student population.
Even in the United States, many students or parents who refuse to attend school have to turn to psychiatrists or psychologists.
The world seems to be at a loss for school refusal.
Of the thousands of cases I've guided over the years, school refusals account for about 80 percent and about 20 percent of them refuse to work. I am pleased that through the cooperation of parents, teachers, children's relatives, and even the community police, about 90% of children are able to go to school, or go to school intermittently, and about 90% of those who refuse to work go back to work or find a job.
Speaking from the heart, whether the child goes to school or goes to work, what really plays a role in the child is the correct guidance of the parents. Many parents are anxious, depressed, and miserable from the day their children have psychological problems, which is very sympathetic and understandable. However, these emotions of parents are not only bad for their own mental health and physical health, but also do not help to guide their children out of difficulties, and they will pass these negative emotions to their children.
There are also parents, couples who have serious differences in attitudes and methods towards their children. Often a parent thinks that the child is sick and should be cared for. Another parent thinks that the other party is protecting the child, doting on the child, and the child has no problem at all, that is, it makes the father spoiled. In such a divergence of opinions and attitudes between couples, the problem of children is becoming more and more serious. Therefore, in order to guide the child out of the predicament, the husband and wife must agree and attitude. Husband and wife respect and love each other is the guarantee for children to get out of difficulties. It's hard to imagine that a pair of parents who blame each other and complain about each other can raise a mentally healthy child.
If parents always want to correct their children's problems and reverse their children's status quo immediately, then you are almost in vain. Because the child has developed a strong resistance to your ways and methods, the more you want him to go east, the more he will run west. Therefore, if you want to change your child, you must change the way parents communicate with your child. Parents must not fall into the Tacitus trap, learn to be their child's confidant friend you can guide the child out of the predicament. Of course, for some children, the bottom line of the parents cannot be broken, even if he commits suicide every day, he cannot change. For example, some underage children take children of the opposite sex to live together at home, and some children ask their parents for huge gambling, or they want to spend more money than they can afford to play games.
In short, educating children is a complex project, don't be too simplistic. Guiding a child who has fallen into a psychological dilemma requires more patience and wisdom and expertise.
Again, Mr. Yun Er does not belong to any consulting organization, does not cooperate with anyone, has no assistant, does not take the initiative to add anyone's friends, and does not take the initiative to leave contact information for anyone. Before you consult me, please be sure to video confirm that it is not me.
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Well, that's it for today. I am Yun'er, welcome to continue to watch "Everyone must understand a little psychology", thank you for your trust and support to Yun'er teacher, don't forget to point a thumbs up! Good bye.