On Weibo, there was a topic that was on the hot search and attracted the attention of more than 300 million people.
In the video, the netizen suffered from depression and struggled for 7 years, during which he had always had suicidal thoughts.
But when she finally spoke and told her mother, her mother replied:
"You've always been like this, how many years has this been?" You just... Can't bear it yourself? ”
The girl's expression was first in disbelief, then as if she had expected it, and finally she smiled in despair.
Below the video, there are many people who think of their own experiences.
It is hard to imagine that when a child is psychologically ill and struggling, the parents know nothing and even blame them for being too "pretentious".
In 2012, a team of researchers surveyed about 2679 adolescents (aged 10-25) about depression and found that the rate of depression among adolescents was 20.3%.
That is to say, about 1 in 5 children have a tendency to be depressed.
Psychologically, depression stems from an attack on the self, so children will have a strong sense of self-loathing and low self-esteem.
However, this repressed emotion and anger did not come out of thin air.
To a large extent, it comes from the family on which the children depend.
The so-called cause of the disease is only in the long upbringing, little by little, and finally "accidentally" revealed.
Depression has become the second largest killer of secondary cancer, and adolescents and children have become a high-incidence group.
I don't know when it began, the three words of depression suddenly broke into our lives, this word that seems to have nothing to do with ordinary people, but it has taken the lives of countless people, including many teenagers and children.
Modern people look at today's children, they will think that they are very happy, carefree, life is more and more full, no worries. Because they just have to study hard and don't have to think about anything else.
However, despite this, the incidence of depression among adolescents and children in the mainland is increasing year by year, and their parents do not know what is happening, and even complain that the child is in the blessing and does not know the blessing, until the child has an accident, they will regret it.
The high expectations of parents make children lose themselves
In the variety show "Teacher Please Answer", there is a 6-year-old girl who can be xin, and her life schedule is comparable to 996.
Under the arrangement of her mother, she began to attend extracurricular classes from the age of 3, learned the curriculum of the first grade of primary school at the age of 5, and prepared to contact the financial management class at the age of 6.
Ke Xin, who is only 6 years old, has a schedule detailed to each point in time.
In order to strictly regulate her daughter, the mother also made family rules, which require self-motivation.
Ke Xin is very sensible, although she feels that her mother is strict, but she listens carefully to her mother's requirements and strives to implement them.
However, in the show, the girl has a different side.
She acts compulsively, and when she swings her paintbrush, she must stop in the same order;
She has social difficulties, no friends, and difficulty integrating into her classmates;
She is accustomed to flattering, even if the questions she has to answer are actually not pleasant;
What is even more distressing is that at a young age, she experienced the pressure to say that she was not happy...
6-year-old Ke Xin, trying her best to be the perfect child in her mother's heart, but this self-requirement makes her spiritual world crumbling.
On the surface, the child is obedient and sensible, and behaves normally.
But the child's heart has long since lost its own direction.
Psychological counselor Hu Shenzhi said: Depressed emotions are derived from loss.
The more well-behaved the child, the more he should not give him unlimited expectations; the more sensible the child, the more he does not want him to be perfect in everything; because, constantly suppressing his own good children, do not know how to refuse.
Parental denigration and denial are the most poisonous medicine
A blogger once shared such a thing.
The emotional neglect of parents scarred the child
Many parents have a hard time acknowledging the pain and bad emotions their children suffer.
In the face of the child's request for help, they are indifferent, and even think that it is the child's fault, as if the child can make a choice on his own.
Behind this alienation and resistance is the inability of parents to establish a connection with their children and are unwilling to accept their children's truest emotional feelings.
"Crying what you cry, tears won't solve any problem."
"There's nothing to be afraid of, you see what others do."
In parent-child relationships, emotional neglect is a more brutal existence than violence.
Children are like living on an island, not being valued and not being seen. Such anxiety is enough to destroy any child.
Some people say that why children have problems, they must mention the original family.
Because there are many factors that cause children to get sick, they may be learning pressure, being bullied by classmates, appearance anxiety and so on.
But no matter how many triggers there are, the most fundamental source is that they have no sense of value, do not like themselves, and cannot perceive love.
This lack of energy often comes from the real experience of children growing up.
Among them, parental feedback is the biggest source of energy for children.
So, if you want to heal your child, the answer is also love.
If your child is very happy and optimistic every day, parents cannot let down their vigilance, because there is a type of depression that is "smile depression", the obvious feature is that the surface looks very optimistic, but the heart has long been full of holes.
What should parents do when a child has a tendency to be depressed?
Do not use parental authority
One of the most common mistakes chinese parents makes is that they often use parental authority to control their children, and this behavior of thinking that they are good for their children has become their pressure.
Over time, these children who are oppressed by their parents either become timid and cowardly, or they are extremely extreme and extremely unhealthy.
If you want to help your children stay away from depression, parents must first have strict requirements for themselves, as far as possible to be friends with their children, rather than forcing them with the attitude of elders, the more relaxed the family environment, the more beneficial to the growth of children.
Encourage your child to make friends
No one in the world doesn't need friends, and people with depressed moods need friends even more, especially small children.
Children are actually very simple, they don't have too many requirements, just want Mom and Dad to be healthy and happy, family happiness, so that's enough.
And when there are difficult words in the heart, a like-minded friend is also very important, they are the children's talking to, but also the support of each other's friends.
Encourage children to take the initiative to make friends, everyone faces problems together when they are together, and when a person's mental pressure is separated, there is naturally not much burden in their hearts, and this is also the meaning of friends to us.
In short, the problem of adolescent depression can not be ignored, I hope that all parents can pay attention, do not think that the child's mood is not important.