1, these two days feel a little senile dementia, do what are lost three or four, yesterday afternoon to drive three wheels to pull cement, the car how can not fire, I called my father: Dad, we both put it

1, these two days feel a little senile dementia, do what are lost three or four, yesterday afternoon to drive three wheels to pull cement, how the car can not fire, I called my father: Dad, let's push this car to repair the repair shop, how to fight is not on fire, my father came up on my head to come to a brain melon collapse, scolded: I think I should go to the hospital to see your brain, do not insert the key you drive away I see? 2, the young female teacher asked Xiaoming: "A mouse plus a cat equals how much?" Bob: "Equal to one, because cats will eat mice." Teacher: "Although you are wrong, I like your way of thinking." The next day Xiaoming asked the teacher: "Now there are three ladies eating popsicles, one is licking and eating, one is biting and eating, and the other is eating with food, which of them is married?" The teacher blushed and said, "It should be something to eat." Xiaoming smiled and said, "I should bring a wedding ring, although you are wrong, but I like your way of thinking." ”

3, the girlfriend said that she has a twin sister, every effort to coax over, more than her sister has a mood. We dated at both ends of the three days, and often went out to play, and my girlfriend never noticed it, so I made an appointment and it lasted. That day to eat at her house, her mother: "Xiaomei did not let you be angry, we are this one child, from childhood to spoil." "I was instantly broken... Do I still have a way to live?

4, husband: "Daughter-in-law, I will come home late in the evening." Daughter-in-law: "What's wrong?" Husband: "I have a test assignment at night." Daughter-in-law: "What test task?" Husband: "Test the effects of proteins, vitamins and minerals on the human body under the action of barley malt and water fermentation." Daughter-in-law: "Be specific!" Husband: "A recent study of high-tech fluids tests the degree of adversarial response of the kidneys in the human liver." Daughter-in-law: "Speaking to people!!! Husband: "Drink and go..." Daughter-in-law: "Roll! ”

5, Ah Wei was eating breakfast, he heard his son shouting that he was late for school! Then Ah Wei immediately took the car keys, ran down the stairs in a panic, and soared eighty miles along the way! After arriving at the school gate, Ah Wei turned his head to look, the back seat was empty, I went, my son forgot to bring...

6, watched the CCTV National Day Mid-Autumn Festival Gala to see the tears of old tears, is it really old? I hope that the motherland is getting better and better, and I also hope that I can make a little contribution to the great rejuvenation of the motherland, the great motherland, happy birthday

7, idle at home, there is nothing to show my daughter and her father's wedding photos. As a result, my daughter looked at her and cried, and I asked her: Do you think that such a beautiful mother has found such an ugly father who thinks that her mother is great and moved to cry? Who knows the daughter is very sad to say: Mom, you are married to your father, then who will I marry after that, ah, whining!

8. When I was in elementary school, I studied mathematics. It turned out that a number multiplied by 0.2 was the same as the result of dividing by 5. Counting several times in a row, I found that it was like this, and I was in a cold sweat in an instant. Oh, my God! This great law was discovered by me. Want to talk to the teacher? No way! What should I do if I am occupied by my teacher? I can't say it clearly, after all, I'm just a child... Now every time I think about it, I can't help but laugh.

9, you must be able to become the person you want to be, you must be able to find a person you can rely on. It is the kind of real dependence that is completely relaxed in front of him, letting go of all defenses and not having to disguise the slightest. He can accept everything about you, no disgust, no impatience, and will use all the tenderness to hug you and protect you. The two of you together can resist all the absurdities of this world and go through the years.

10, when my cousin went to the mall to buy something today, it rained heavily outside after buying it. I couldn't get a taxi, and the driver was an uncle in his 30s. Halfway down the road, the driver lost his mind and rear-ended a Bentley Bentayga waiting for a red light. The driver pretended to be calm and said to his cousin: Brother, I don't ask you for the fare, can you help me out with the money to repair the car? The cousin directly took out a hundred-dollar bill: big brother, don't look for it, even if it is a little bit of the little brother's heart!

11, my wife is going to divorce me, although in the end I compromised and accepted, but I still can't tolerate this cruel reality. I decided to wait for an opportunity to take revenge and find out the culprit. So on a sunny afternoon, tail line she went out, I saw her holding our divorce papers, running to a huge banner "Singles have good gifts, milk tea buy one get one free."

12, the day before yesterday, I took the id card of the old man to borrow 1 million yuan of online loans, and became rich and handsome. Yesterday I went to the 4S store to pick up a BMW M2, but I didn't expect to be rear-ended by a Bentley on the way home. Bentley Owner: If you can, we'll take it privately. Then I quoted him the price: the car I just picked up, 670,000. Bentley owner: 670,000 is it, OK, I bought it. Then he transferred seven hundred thousand to my Alipay and drove away in his own car.

13, I am studying Chinese medicine, 13 blind dates have failed, my mother warned me: "The next blind date, do not allow the girl to give the pulse as soon as you come up, really want to, do not say that menstruation is not adjusted or anything," I said with grievance: "In fact, I know which step they and their ex-boyfriends are going to through the pulse!" Of the 13, 5 were pregnant, and I didn't even say that! ”

14, with the boyfriend in the construction site to work, how dirty and tired not to say, oh, today call me to carry cement together, I said that I can't move to carry it, I did it, after all, this is the work, but still feel quite wronged, in no one's place tears came out at once, oh, temperament, eat pepper radish every day, today really can't stand it, just complained to him, want to eat outside, he said I'm squeamish, said which is not the way to work, they can eat it, I can't eat it, saying that it's not sad is fake, It would be nice if I were a woman!