Sometimes, I suddenly feel that I don't feel so empathetic to other people's troubles, and I don't even want to listen to or watch.
Did you become apathetic and numb?
Actually, it's our emotions that remind us that it's tired.
Learn to take care of your emotions in order to master the switch of happiness and refill yourself with positive energy.
01
Let your emotions rest in order to build up energy
Emotions are not inexhaustible. Just like bank savings, if you spend too much, you will be overdrawn.
Many times, we feel emotionally exhausted, but we never have the courage to stop.
Afraid that others will be disappointed, afraid that others will be disappointed, afraid that others will misunderstand, we are always used to desperately hiding our true emotions and hearts.
Your best friend is depressed and comes to you to complain, even if you yourself are overwhelmed by a bunch of troubles, you still hold on to your spirit and play the role of a comforter.
During the lunch break, your colleagues pull you to complain, even if you are so tired that you are down, you still drag your tired body to act as a listener.
We are emotionally tired and have taken care of ourselves. No matter how hard you try to cater to you, you will still feel that you have changed, become perfunctory, lacking in interest, not empathetic enough, and not gregarious enough.
I have seen such a sentence: "Only by digesting your own emotions first can you share the joys and sorrows of others." ”
There's a term in psychology called "intermittent apathy," which is an inner defense mechanism that reminds us to turn our focus back on ourselves.
We need to give ourselves time to store and recover emotional resources and "turn off" the "switch" of focusing on others for ourselves when necessary.
Encourage yourself to be brave enough to say it: I'm sorry, I'm really tired.
Wu Zhihong, a well-known psychological counselor, once expressed in his speech:
The most important and precious thing in this world is to take care of yourself first. But such a simple truth seems to have to go through thousands of rivers and mountains to be realized.
We can be there for others when they need it, and we can also allow ourselves to stop when we are emotionally overdrawn.
It's not about being selfish to take care of yourself first, it's about making sure you have enough energy before giving.
It is only when our minds are fully rested and nourished that we can better understand and care for others.
02
Cool down your emotions to maintain balance
In interpersonal communication, moderate enthusiasm is necessary to be able to bring each other closer and build trust and friendship.
However, excessive enthusiasm can increase the expectations of others in interpersonal interactions, and even be taken for granted.
If your own efforts do not meet the expectations of the other party, you will make the other party feel disappointed and make you feel aggrieved.
The writer Oscar Wilde once said, "Enthusiasm is a beautiful quality, but when it is overdone, it becomes a burden, and it consumes our energy." ”
It's good to be enthusiastic, but being overzealous will only keep overdrawing you, and you will feel more and more tired until you lose your enthusiasm.
The "good guy card" at work is a typical example.
In the workplace, we often meet some helpful colleagues who are always enthusiastic about helping others solve problems at work.
However, when this kind of help becomes ubiquitous, it may gradually become a "job assignment" that everyone takes for granted.
Complete those jobs that do not belong to me, be busy until I am exhausted, do a good job with neither credit nor hard work, and if I don't do it well, I will be blamed. After a long time, whoever changes will want to strike and quit.
One day, you will find that the person who used to say "It's okay, I'll help you take a look" will now say, "I'm sorry I'm busy with something, you can find someone else".
Everyone's energy is limited, just like boiling water, if it is always boiling, then it will only be burned dry in the end.
The key to moderate enthusiasm is balance, and we need to be aware of what we expect from ourselves and others while releasing our enthusiasm so that we can build healthier and more lasting relationships in our interpersonal interactions.
Learning to cool down emotions and maintain a relatively balanced temperature is the embodiment of wisdom in interpersonal communication.
03
Draw a line for emotions in order to keep the boundary
In the era of information explosion, we can receive more sources of emotion, but also invisibly increase more emotional risks.
We deal with a variety of emotions on a daily basis, both our own and those of others.
Psychology expert Zeng Qifeng has a metaphor: "The boundary of the cliff is clear, so we won't get too close; However, the boundaries of the water are blurred, so people often drown. ”
In the face of all kinds of negative news and unfortunate events on the Internet, it is human nature to express sympathy and concern.
We are inevitably influenced by the negative emotions of others, and if we accept them without boundaries and get caught up in them, we will only let ourselves be overwhelmed by the emotions of others.
Xiao Jinsong, president of the Hubei Psychological Counselors Association and chief physician of the Department of Neurology of Zhongnan Hospital of Wuhan University, said in an interview with a reporter from the People's Daily health client:
"Paying attention to some negative news in society for a long time may lead to psychological problems such as low mood."
Xiao Jinsong introduced a psychological concept called "empathic harm", that is, due to long-term exposure to disaster information, people's mental health will be harmed, driven by compassion, which may lead to depression, anxiety, anger and even mental breakdown.
In the face of the negative energy around us, we should maintain an objective and rational attitude, to distinguish the truth from the false, and to analyze the causes and effects behind it, rather than just staying in the emotional reaction.
At no time should you let other people's worries fill your heart without limit.
If there is no principled acceptance, there will be an unprincipled burden that should not be carried.
Establishing emotional boundaries does not mean that we no longer care about others, but that we can allocate our emotional resources more rationally.
Draw a boundary for your emotions and set up a door that can be opened to accept others and closed to protect yourself.
04
When we treat our emotions well, emotions will also be kind to us.
Only by accepting the rationality of your emotions and adjusting your state in time can you regain positive energy.
There is a degree of consumption, a degree of enthusiasm, and a degree of reception. Only by mastering the emotional switch can we master a happy life.
Let's be kind to our emotions, keep the switch of joy, anger and sorrow firmly in our own hands, and love ourselves and others more calmly.