My wife began to be suspicious again, not to say that I was not honest outside, I was wronged! I said: First, I don't have any money, and second, I look so safe, no one will pay attention to me. My wife didn't believe it, so I told her about the unit

My wife began to be suspicious again, not to say that I was not honest outside, I was wronged! I said: First, I don't have any money, and second, I look so safe, no one will pay attention to me. My wife didn't believe it, so I told her about the unit tour. When I was sitting on the bus, the female colleague next to me was sleepy, and her head was banging against the window glass, and I patted myself on the shoulder and said: Borrow you to lean on. The female colleague hurriedly said: No! I'm not sleepy! He said that he pinched his thigh with his hand... Finally, the wife believed!

2, our bear child said to learn to swim, want to play in the water. Because I was afraid of tanning, I never agreed to my son's request. The son ran to his husband in a huff and said, "Dad, or you will take me for a swim!" That pool has a lot of beautiful little sisters and little aunts! The husband smiled and did not answer. I wondered if this bear child had abandoned me. You know what? The most infuriating thing is that the husband really secretly took his son to swim...

3. The sacred artifact is simple and humble, casting the soul of Huaxia; Elegant and graceful, detailing the vicissitudes of the ancient country. The loud sound that has been passed down for 5,000 years is as ethereal as a natural sound, and it is as majestic as thunder. Listen with bated breath, think for thousands of years, and travel with the music of the gods to the homeland. Mai Ji is amorous, dressed in gold and jade, and Shu Guang's sleeves are like dreams. Watching this music and dance, Fang Wu sighed that "March does not know the taste of meat"

4, in the summer, my brother's friend introduced him to cupping, saying that this can prevent heat stroke. The brother pulled out a total of 7 fire cans in the clinic, leaving 7 red marks on his back. After pulling out the fire, my brother went to the pool to swim. My brother was wearing a newly purchased swimming goggle, and he was swimming happily when he got into the water, when he suddenly heard a little girl behind him shouting: "Look, it's a seven-star ladybug!" The brother did not react and looked back at the little girl. When the little girl saw that he was wearing swimming goggles, she immediately cried out, "Mom, it's ladybug essence, he can swim!" ”

5, in the summer, Xiaoming's roommate introduced him to cupping, saying that this can prevent heat stroke. Xiaoming pulled out a total of 7 fire cans in the clinic, leaving 7 red marks on his back. After pulling out the fire, Xiaoming went to the pool to swim. Xiaoming was wearing the newly purchased swimming goggles, and was swimming happily in the water, when he suddenly heard a little girl behind him shouting: "Look, it's a seven-star ladybug!" Xiaoming did not react, and looked back at the little girl. When the little girl saw that he was wearing swimming goggles, she immediately cried out, "Mom, it's ladybug essence, he can swim!" ”

6. Sometimes at home, I call my wife a concubine and a noble concubine. The 4-year-old son's name for himself and his wife has been known on the Qing Palace TV series. One day, I was playing a game with my son, and I covered my chest and said, "I'm going to die." The son immediately ran out and shouted: "Noble Concubine Niangniang, the emperor is going to die, the emperor is going to die!" "For this reason, I was teased by the family for a long time, and I never dared to call myself in front of my son again."

7, when I was a child swimming in the pond of my hometown, I was alone, my mother was on the shore sniffing melon seeds looking at me, I accidentally fell from the swimming ring and choked on a few sips of water in the water, and I had already fluttered and grabbed the swimming ring, and when my head was exposed, my mother was still sniffing melon seeds. My mother and son were drowning and couldn't put down a handful of melon seeds, and then she told me that she couldn't swim either, and she didn't know what to do at the time, she could only... Nervous melon seeds

8, girlfriend: If one day you are dying of thirst in the desert, and then find two glasses of water, one cup is aunt's blood, the other cup is urine, you will choose which cup? Me: If I had to choose, I would choose urine! Girlfriend: I didn't expect you to be so disgusting, why don't you choose two glasses of water? Me: Are you so idle?

9, I: I am going to confess to the goddess, how do you say I know if she will agree to me? Loss Friend: This is not simple, look at her face will not know! Me: The problem is that I can't see it! Loss Friend: Then you can pee and see what you look like!

10, one day, the boyfriend asked: What flowers do you like? Girlfriend: I like two kinds of flowers. Boyfriend: Which two? I send it to you! The girlfriend bowed her head and whispered: If you have money to spend, you can spend it casually! Boyfriend: You are so beautiful! Girlfriend: What am I beautiful? Boyfriend: Want to be beautiful!

1 cousin was hit by a Maybach, sent to the hospital and did not rescue, the owner of the car lost more than 8 million. The cousin immediately became a rich man and found a young and beautiful nurse girlfriend. Yesterday, my girlfriend complained to me: "Husband, you see how good your cousin is, and bought a diamond ring for his girlfriend, and also bought a pair of 24K earrings, we have both been dating for so many years, what have you bought for me?" Me: "Honey, rest assured, I will redouble my efforts, and soon I will buy you a luxurious seaside villa, a lot of jewelry, and a luxury car..." Girlfriend: "You idiot, you have to go to jail for robbing a bank." ”

12, when you are particularly irritable, first keep calm, or watch a happy movie, or drink a large cup of tea, or put on running shoes to go out for ten kilometers. Don't try to talk to a friend, a friend is someone who shares your happiness with you, not someone who shares your pain; don't be a nagging complainer, from now on, learn to dissolve it on your own, to bear it.

13. Deko planes are bombing London fiercely. A man took a taxi home and several times bombs nearly hit the car. When he got home, he said to the driver, "Please come in and have a drink with me, friend, we were very lucky today." "Yes, sir." The driver replied: "There are no red lights along the way." ”

14, the rich second generation of roommates have not been in love, and later after the crush on the colonel, they will write a love letter every night. After a month of persistence, a large pile of love letters, the roommate could not bear to confess. When he returned, his roommate held a love letter and his expression was lost. I just wanted to comfort him, and my roommate said, "Oh, white writing, she only read the first page and agreed."