Xiao Hou had been married for two years, but suddenly told me that she kind of wanted a divorce. Because the husband's three views are really too outrageously different.
The reason why Xiao Hou got married was that her parents saw that she had become a leftover girl at an old age, and she was worried that she could only marry quickly, and if she was slightly eye-catching, she would get married immediately. However, after marriage, Xiao Hou found that the difference between his three views and her husband was somewhat outrageous.
The husband is always persuading Xiao Hou to give up his job in the bank and go home to become a housewife. Xiao Hou believes that becoming an independent woman is his own pursuit, hoping that her husband can respect his ideas.
However, Xiao Hou and her husband often quarreled on this point, so that Xiao Hou had the emotion of wanting a divorce.
In fact, there are no two identical leaves in the world, and it is even more difficult to find a person with similar three views. Everyone has their own vision and perspective on life. The difference in life experience and the difference in the growth environment shape a unique personality. But the dissimilarity of the three views is not the dissimilarity of the three views, the real dissonance of the three views is that one of the parties in the relationship has an arrogant attitude, I think your idea is wrong, you should change it into the idea I like.
The three views are often a type of person who likes to force others to change their faces in their feelings. They are reluctant to understand people who like to watch Korean dramas, thinking that watching Korean dramas is a nutritious thing. They don't like star-chasing people and think that star-chasing is the most brainless thing in the world. In their vision, what they don't approve of shouldn't actually exist around them, and they always want to prove that they are right.
After marrying such a person, you need to face endless quarrels, and the difference between how two people see the world and treat the world is often the point where the quarrel breaks out. Why do you watch Korean dramas after work? Why can't you do something meaningful with this time? Why do I have to spend a bonus? Can't save this money in case of emergency? Why do you have to buy lipsticks of other colors when you already have lipstick? Are you really that rich?
Under the endless quarrel, you can only face two choices, one is silently forbearing, everything he says you have to change, but you have become deformed in your feelings. The second is to have a big fight with him, tearing the gap between the two of them and letting him see your differences clearly.
Feelings are not afraid of quarrels, on the contrary, people who are silent in feelings are more likely to perish in silence. When you meet a person who does not agree with the three views, try to argue with him, let him see the differences between you, let him learn to respect the differences, otherwise he will lose you and lose this love.
You told me not to watch Korean dramas, but watching Korean dramas is my favorite pastime after work. Tell me not to be late for every date and what kind of clothes to wear. In fact, I can change, you can subtly affect me, but don't press my head to make me change. The last thing people want is to be forced to change themselves in their feelings.
However, it is a very bad thing to meet people who do not agree with the three views in the relationship. When you make the difference between the two sides in concept clear, in fact, there are two results, one is that he agrees with this difference and respects this difference, and the emotional life between each other can continue. The second is to tear all the fig leaf in the feelings, and the words are clear but still do not get the kind of respect you want, then there is only one choice to separate.
Although this is a pessimistic idea, in the feeling of not meeting a good person, letting go as soon as possible is a kind of respect for both parties. Don't get deeper and deeper in fruitless feelings.
Feelings are always the process of two people testing each other, today's you take a step forward, I will take a step back, pulling and pulling is the most common appearance of feelings. I rarely see a happy relationship that one side forces the other to change, and most of these feelings die of disappointment or quarrels.
Feelings need both sides to respect the differences between the two sides, I like to play games you like to watch Korean dramas can be allowed to exist, and there is no personal preference will become the opposite set of two sets of standards - only allow one person's preference to exist.
Just don't always think about convincing another person that it is not your fault that your preferences are different from your own, but that you don't know how to respect another person's preferences and want to try to change him. Falling in love with people whose preferences are not the same is a bumpy road, but since fate has arrived here, you should give fate a chance. But if the fate between each other is not so deep, it is better to give each other the most decent farewell.
(The materials in the article are all based on real cases)