Learned so much about parenting
Or can't raise children?
What does the child say he doesn't listen to?
Learn these 16 sentences of God's reply
Let parent-child communication no longer be a problem!
01
Describe the problem directly
Improper communication ×: how many times have you said that you have to turn off the lights after going to the toilet! Did you know how much electricity is wasted?
Efficient communication √: the toilet lights are not turned off.
Accusations can cause confrontation, and directly describing the problem naturally stimulates the child's motivation to solve the problem.
02
Give alternatives
Improper communication ×: You draw the wall again, see I don't break your hand!
Efficient communication √: walls are not used to draw, paper is used to draw. (Hand the child a large white paper)
Many times, the child doesn't make a mistake on purpose, he just doesn't know what to do and what not to do, or doesn't know what to do. Provide the child with alternatives, tell the child what is appropriate, and the child will naturally give up the wrong practice.
03
Speak directly about how you feel
Give affection to the rules
Improper communication ×: Knocking on the door before entering is basically polite, I said please come in, you come in again.
Efficient communication √: I will be unhappy if you suddenly break in like this!
The essence of the rules is to safeguard the interests of most people and protect the feelings of most people, and not to underestimate the child's ability to understand the nature of things and the feelings of others.
04
Weakness
Improper communication ×: Don't argue! Sick of it!
Efficient communication √: Mom didn't sleep well last night, and now her head hurts, can you let me take a break?
Stimulate your child's empathy from the perspective of expressing feelings.
05
Seek cooperation
Improper communication ×: Don't you see me talking? Get me out first!
Effective communication √: Do you have anything to say to your mother? But Mom now has a very important matter to talk about, please go out first, and then listen to you when we are done talking?
Calmly explain the situation to your child and believe in your child's ability to understand others.
06
Write a note
Improper communication ×: the son and his friends are playing crazy in the room, you tell him to remember to pack up the toys later, he does not seem to hear.
Efficient communication √: Write a note: "Baby, when you're done playing, remember to put away the toys." Love your mother", folded into a paper airplane and flew in front of the child
Education can be an art.
07
Provide options
Improper communication ×: If you run around again, don't come next time
Effective communication √: give you a choice, either help me push the shopping cart or sit in the shopping cart, you decide.
Rather than saying "not allowed to do anything", it is better to say "what can be done", giving children a choice, which is a good way to cultivate children's autonomy.
08
Make praise more sincere and concrete
Improper communication ×: You're really well written.
Efficient communication √: Mom just read this essay you wrote, very touched, I like this sentence the most: "...", how did you think of this sentence?
To avoid vague praise and exaggerated praise, the former can not help children understand themselves, the latter often let the child worry about poor performance or failure, by others to see that they are not so good, so dare not accept the challenge, these two kinds of praise can not help children build a solid self-confidence. Make the praise more specific and sincere, not only praise the behavior performance, but also praise the inner personality traits, so as to facilitate the steady development of self-confidence.
09
Compared to how dangerous it is
The child cares more about how much you love him
Improper communication ×: Do you know how dangerous it is to go swimming alone? Last year there were children who drowned on their own!
Efficient communication √: Baby, mom loves you very much, if you go to any accident, I will be very sad to blame myself, last year there were children who went to swim accidents, mom does not want you to go, is afraid of losing you.
Too much emphasis on danger often affects the development of children's courage, making love a natural boundary of freedom and building a sense of security for children.
10
To put it another way, it's more interesting
Improper communication ×: Open your mouth!
Efficient communication √: the train is going into the cave - boom
Play is the nature of children, with the way of play to interact with children, children have higher autonomy.
11
Respect your child's efforts
Encourage your child to come on their own
(The child is twisting the bottle very hard)
Improper communication ×: Give me the bottle!
Efficient communication √: this bottle is not easy to open, you wear this rubber glove to try, it may be useful.
The first approach is to do an arranged substitution, and its subtext is "you can't do it", which will directly hit the child's self-esteem and self-confidence. Affirming the child's efforts, guiding the child to think about ways to further solve the problem, encouraging the child to continue to work hard, and cultivating the child's resistance will make the child's self-confidence more solid.
12
Don't rush to give answers
(The child asks, Dad, where does the snow come from?) ）
Improper communication ×: That's because when the temperature reaches zero, the rain will freeze...
Effective Communication √: This is an interesting question, what do you think?
Listening to your child's thoughts before answering them is very helpful for cultivating your child's ability to take independent self-examinations, and it is also a good way for us to understand your child.
13
Make a convention
(Kids won't let you go to work)
Improper communication ×: Mom is going to be late, don't make trouble!
Efficient communication √: Mom comes home from work to buy you your favorite fruit, okay?
Engagement is also a great way for children to take the initiative to cooperate. But be careful, the agreement must be done, otherwise it will become a deception.
14
Improper communication ×: Go to sleep – don't go!
Efficient communication √: Go to bed and catch dinosaurs - good!
Where there is a game, there is laughter and cooperation, and children are naturally self-disciplined in the game.
15
All things have a spirit
(Children are reluctant to pack up toys)
Improper communication ×: What do you see in the room? I won't buy you toys anymore.
Efficient communication √: You see you are home, your toys have not yet come home, it is dark, you will not let them go home, their friends and parents are thinking of them.
In the eyes of children, everything is alive, alive and emotional, experience the child's perspective, and communicate with the child in the child's language more easily and smoothly.
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In total, these 16 Divine Replies contain these major aspects of communication elements:
1. Let go of accusations and orders, and an attitude of equal respect is the premise of effective communication;
2. Believe in the child's understanding ability and empathy, calmly describe objective problems, and communicate with the child from the perspective of feelings;
3. Pay attention to giving children the space to develop and exert autonomy when communicating;
4. Pay attention to protecting children's self-esteem and self-confidence, praise and encourage children to pay attention to the way;
5. Communicate and interact with children in the form of games;
6. Try to see the world through your child's eyes.
What do parents think?
I felt it after reading it