Raising a wonderful, radiant child is the biggest dream of every parent.
However, on the way to raising children, the child often deviates from the track we originally set: he may not love to learn, his grades are not good, he may be introverted and not good at talking, or he may insist on his own ideas without compromise.
Thus, we begin to lament the failure of our own education and begin to be confused:
What kind of child is a really good child?
There was such a child, he was very introverted from an early age, and his family even thought he was deaf at one time. After graduating from Penn, I went to Stanford to study for a Ph.D., and within a few days, I decided to drop out of school. When looking for a job, I was too shy and failed the interview. In the early days of entrepreneurship, I was repeatedly defeated and felt hard.
However, he eventually succeeded and became the brightest one in the crowd.
Less than 30 years old assets of over 100 million;
At the age of 40, he became a top billionaire with a net worth of tens of billions;
He also manages several companies, plays with cars, builds rockets, subverts traditional energy concepts, and recently brings humans to Mars...
He is the legendary "Iron Man" and the world's richest man Elon Musk.
Speaking about success, he said: "She had a hard time when all three of our children were in college, but she never complained and smiled every time she saw her. Such an attitude is the most precious asset she has given us. Arguably, I owe much of my success to my mother. ”
There is no unified standard for the child's excellence, but the success of the child must be inseparable from the mother's hard work.
Is there a formula for becoming a good mom? There are many formulas for generating a good mom, and if your child has the following 3 signs, it means that you are becoming a good mom.
1
Children can boldly express real emotions
Everyone will have their own emotions, children are no exception, and parents are the safest and warmest "harbor" for children. If the child dares to show his truest emotions in front of his parents, especially anger, sadness, fear, etc., it shows that the child has great trust in his parents.
This shows that the distance between parents and children is very close, and the child has enough security in his heart, so the child dares to be casual.
If the child always hides his emotions in front of his parents, or only dares to show a certain type of emotion, it means that there is a problem between parents and children.
Parents' love for their children should be selfless, so no matter what kind of emotions the child shows, parents should be an accepting attitude, so that the child will live really.
A good mother should allow her child to express various emotions, accept every emotion of her child, and help them express it.
2
Your child is willing to ask for your help
Young children often have no ability to deal with problems, so they turn to others for help. For children, the best people to turn to are their parents. Because parents are the people closest to them, knowing everything about them will definitely give the most useful advice.
However, some children will prefer to ask others for help rather than tell their parents what problems they have encountered, and they will not talk to their parents and talk about their thoughts. If so, it must have been a time when the child asked you for help and didn't get help from you, and the way you treated them for help disappointed them.
Because when the child asks for help, he usually predicts what reaction he will get, if you have let him down, the next time he wants to ask for help, he will remember your attitude, he does not want to do useless help again, and turn to seek help elsewhere, and maybe they will not ask anyone for help, allowing problems to pile up.
Children will always encounter all kinds of problems in the process of growing up, they will also have the confusion of growth, if there is no one who can turn to help, it is a very helpless thing for them, which will make them sensitive and vulnerable.
A good mother should be able to respond to your child's help in a timely and effective manner, so that they are willing to seek your help.
3
Kids don't have an exclusive tag
Many parents will label their children, such as my child is very well-behaved and sensible, or my child is very naughty and a troublemaker. The existence of an entity, in addition to its own positioning, is also the label of others. Every label you put on your child, good or bad, affects your child's perception of himself.
Children need encouragement, just as plants need water.
Words of encouragement and appreciation have a strong positive cues, while negative labels are most likely to destroy a child's self-confidence.
I recently listened to a psychologist's parent-child therapy class and benefited a lot.
When talking about the last thing parents should say to their children, he mentioned the disadvantages of labeling their children.
For example, when someone asked him for psychological counseling, he said to him: Teacher, I am an alcoholic.
He would say, "You mean, you have a habit of drinking?" ”
Another client said, "I'm a depressed person. ”
He would say, "You mean you laugh a little less than anyone else?" ”
This kind of reply makes people feel particularly comfortable and comfortable, and instead of denying all of these people, he points out that you just have this behavior, it's no big deal, and the behavior is easier to change.
All of a sudden, it gave people hope and vitality.
Similarly, for example, if our children did not do well on the final exam once, some parents would say, "How can you be so stupid as this child!" A stupid word not only negates the child's exam this time, but also together with past results. Children can be very hurt and discouraged.
Some parents will say: "It's just that this time the test is not ideal, let's find out where the mistakes are, and the next time there is more room for progress." ”
The result of this is to give the child new encouragement, affirm the child's ability, and the child is more likely to find self-confidence.
Each child is an independent individual, his growth has unlimited possibilities and potential, labeling the child is equivalent to blocking his way to change in a good direction.
Do not label at will, timely affirmation of the child's efforts, will let him release his brilliance.
A good mother should tear off the label of her child and make them a richer individual.
Good moms don't have formulas, and good moms can be imperfect.
You can wake up in the middle of the night and cry why you are so tired as a mother, you can occasionally leave your child to give yourself a private small space, or you can even grab snacks with your child...
But you have to remember, good mother, must grow up with your child. Believe you will become a good mother, come on!
However, if there are 7 other signs in your child, it means that your child is moving towards low self-esteem!
Psychologist Sean Cooper spent 5 years studying psychology and found that children with low self-esteem actually had these 7 signs from a very young age.
Children are overly sensitive
Some children attach great importance to every word of their parents, sometimes, parents may just casually say a word or not at all in the evaluation of their children, but for children, his heart will choose to automatically identify, such an active solicitation, will make the child often think that they have done something wrong. Over time, he will pay more and more attention to other people's opinions and become more sensitive to other people's eyes.
0202
Children are too sensible
The more sensible the child, the harder he actually lives. Because the nature of children is to be lively and cheerful, full of curiosity about the world. Children who are not noisy or noisy, who obey their parents in everything, are likely to be inferior, thinking that they are not worthy of the unconditional love of their parents, and only by reflecting their own value, the parents will love him.
Children always compare themselves to others
Children with low self-esteem often look down on themselves too low, they do not believe that they also have a different shining point from others, they are always habitually compared with everyone around them, and use the advantages of others to self-depreciate. Such a contrast will only make them more and more uncomfortable, more uneasy, more tormented. People with low self-esteem often have the idea of "he is better than me, I am not as good as him", so even if they may be really good, they cannot experience superiority from it. Such children are always afraid to step out of their comfort zone and try new things. Without the enlightenment of others, their inferiority will only become heavier.
04
Children are overly striving for perfection
Children with low self-esteem are desperately eager to be recognized and praised by others, so they like to pursue extraordinary perfection. Before doing everything, be prepared to be perfect enough to start acting, and if you are not prepared perfectly, then it is better to never start. Excessive pursuit of perfection also represents the difficulty of the process. However, in the process of completion, they are easy to find such impossibility, which often makes them constantly deny themselves, which aggravates the tendency to inferiority. And when they pursue perfection but do not reach their goals, they are often extremely depressed, unable to withstand great pressure and collapse.
05
Children always judge others
Always suspicious of others, do not trust others, and always like to others "egg bones" children are actually very inferior, do not look at this kind of children may be particularly strong external, in fact, this is a kind of "self-protection mechanism" for the outside world. Only by criticizing the shortcomings of others can we cover up our own incompetence and "protect" ourselves from being hurt by inferiority.
06
Children like to procrastinate when things go wrong
There is a saying that "there is only one thing in the world that never fails, and that is never to start". Children with low self-esteem are afraid of failure, so they always like to procrastinate, constantly postponing the process of something, so that in the end nothing is done and no goal is accomplished. And they will fall into a vicious circle, the longer things drag on, the more difficult it is for them to achieve their goals, and the stronger the frustration in their hearts.
07
Children cannot face their own shortcomings
All people have shortcomings, but children with low self-esteem cannot accept their own shortcomings, and they spend a lot of time and energy to cover up their shortcomings in an attempt to avoid others' evaluation of their shortcomings. But this kind of cover-up tends to make people with low self-esteem feel more stressed.
Professor Li Meijin once said: Every behavior and psychology of children must be related to the parents' education methods.
Therefore, if parents find that their children have the above 7 signs, they should check in time whether they have given their children wrong guidance in daily education, and they must pay attention to the child's inferiority tendencies and give positive guidance.
What do parents think?
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