The middle school test questions say: Although children are small and have self-esteem, they need to be cared for, and the way of scolding and trampling on self-esteem will only make children cowardly, or rebellious, from being bullied to bullying others.
Author: Wooden Man
Source: Mom and Dad Intensive Reading Original
The other day, I hit "her" again.
I was washing dishes by the sink, and my daughter was a meter away, holding a ballpoint pen, and scratching the millet in the food bag on the cabinet.
I watched the grains of millet flow to the floor, "waste food" and "clean up trouble" these words all came together to complain to me, all of a sudden, I was angry from the chest cavity, angry from the door of the brain, stepped forward, picked up her hand, snapped and hit a few times.
The daughter cried "Don't hit me" and continued to paddle the rice, I was so angry that she hit the back of her hand again, she did not speak, and continued to play xiaomi with retaliation.
I was stunned and suddenly realized.
The weak little boy, in a resolute protest.
I should be ashamed that I am stronger than the child, because of my laziness and incompetence, when I face the child's mistakes and cause trouble, I will only be simple and rude, and how wrong it is.
Scolding is because you are angry
The child is weak
When children make mistakes, cause trouble, and find trouble for us, anger bears the brunt of it, scolding follows them, mistakenly thinking that scolding is fast and accurate, but it is not.
In "Hello Prosecutor", Li Mingqi's father often beat and scolded him because of his anger.
When Li Mingqi was accused of bullying his classmates at school, his father first yelled and scolded: "Cause me trouble all day long, waste Lao Tzu's time." ”
The child was frightened into keeping promises and trying to obey.
When the case escalated, the father was angry and corrupt, holding the document in his hand and angrily falling to Li Mingqi, excited, picking up the cup to smash, lifting the foot to kick, the action was completed in one go, the child was frightened to dodge, this scene, onlookers looked at it and were heartbroken.
Once again, his father beat Li Mingqi with his hands and roared angrily: "Lao Tzu is busy making money before and after, and you know how to poke Lou Zi when you give Lao Tzu." ”
Li Mingqi finally fought back: "I would rather stay in prison than stay at home and let you fight." ”
In the end, Li Mingqi was severely punished for bullying his classmates at school, which led to the suicide of his classmates.
In the end, the father's apology seemed as light as a feather in the face of his son's big mistake, and a face of regret could not be written on his face.
In fact, scolding is the most useless and incompetent way of education.
Scolding children may make children admit mistakes and submit, but these are all superficial, for a while, parents do not let children realize the truth of mistakes, mistakes can not be corrected, and in the end will only lead to big mistakes.
Scolding stems from anger, dare to vent anger on children, because children are weak, parents are condescending, bullying weak, victorious.
The result of scolding is useless
There are only downsides
I watched a video that made people cry and laugh.
A little boy cried and suggested to his parents, with earnest words:
"You hit me so many times, I don't obey, it is definitely useless to fight, criticism should be useful, you should try, try." 」
How effective it is to scold the child, the child as the party is the most clear.
The two main characteristics of scolding education are:
1. The result of scolding is useless
The educator Heim Ginort said:
"Punishment cannot prevent bad behavior, it can only make the criminal more careful when committing the crime, more skillfully cover up the crime, more skillful without being detected, and when the child is punished, he will secretly resolve to be more careful later, rather than to be honest and responsible."
Scolding is to correct mistakes, but scolding will only make children fall into fear, in order to resist fear, all efforts to cover up mistakes, single-mindedly avoid scolding, powerless to correct mistakes, after encountering mistakes, will only try to cover up, dare not admit, more difficult to correct.
2, the role of scolding is only harmful
American parent-child communication experts Adele Farber and Elaine Mazlisch have found that instead of scolding children, telling children objective facts will make children grow better, and using scolding is to use "fear" to drive children to change themselves.
It may be useful at first, but when the child is afraid for a long time, there may be two extremes: one is to disregard the feelings of others, that is, rebellion; but to care too much about the feelings of others, that is, inferiority and sensitivity.
Although children are small and have self-esteem, they need to be cared for, and the way of scolding and trampling on self-esteem will only make children cowardly, or rebellious, from being bullied to bullying others.
Some people say: Scolding education is a way that cats and dogs will not use.
Those parents who scold their children will only reap the harvest in the end, and the children's estranged hearts will grow day by day, and the dry parent-child trees will only be left with indifferent branches.
Refuse to scold
Parents can do this
In front of parents, children are naturally weak, we can not rely on the strong to bully the weak, parents should become a role model on the road of children's lives, rather than the shadow of children's memory that will only be roughly scolded.
1. Empathy
In "Goodbye Lover", Zhang He said: "My son is now almost ten years old, and I have never touched him at all. ”
Because he was often beaten by his father since he was a child, he understood how serious the pain was, so he did not want the trauma he suffered to continue to play out in his children.
If we have been beaten by our parents and experienced hurt feelings, we should understand how much scolding our children hurt him, so try to avoid it;
If we have not experienced scolding, walked through a happy childhood, and grown up to this day, we should strive to create a good memory for our children and establish a stable and healthy parent-child relationship.
The fear and heartache of being scolded by the dearest parents is beyond words, if you can, don't let the children's eyes love us the most, become a black hole in their hearts that they dare not touch in their hearts.
2, be tolerant and turn mistakes into treasure
When a child breaks a bowl, spills milk, or wets the bed, we are used to scolding or even scolding, because these are all troublesome and will make us unhappy, but after venting, what does the child gain in addition to fear?
American scientist Stephen once told a story:
When I was a child, because I took milk from the refrigerator, I didn't take it well, and when I fell to the ground, the milk was sprinkled on the ground, and my mother saw it, did not scold him, and even said:
"Wow, the trouble you've caused is amazing, I haven't seen such a big pool of milk yet, heck, the bottle has broken anyway." Would you like to play in the milk for a few minutes before we clean up? ”
He was happy and played with the milk, and after a few minutes his mother asked him, "How are you going to pack it?" I can use a sponge, towel or mop to clean, which one you want to use. ”
He chose the sponge and cleaned the milk on the floor with his mother.
Finally his mother said to him, "Your experiment of picking up a large milk bottle with two small hands has failed, now go to the backyard and fill the bottle with water to see if there is any other way to pick it up?" ”
Then he found that as long as he grasped the top with both hands, near the mouth of the bottle, the bottle would not fall to the ground.
Children make mistakes, scolding is like drinking and quenching thirst, and correct guidance is a smart move.
"How to Hug a Hedgehog" says: "Negative experiences do not necessarily lead to negative experiences, on the contrary, it often allows children to learn positive experiences and lessons." ”
Failure is the mother of success, mistakes are the cornerstone of the right road, parents' correct understanding, timely guidance, in order to let children avoid mistakes again and again, on the right path.
Why make mistakes when children get into trouble
Parents are always angry and scold?
But because parents have conditional love for their children, we only love cute, well-behaved, obedient, and worry-free children, but ask ourselves, are we the ideal parents in the eyes of children?
The child loves us as always, but only because his love for us is always unconditional.
Children cannot choose their parents, but parents can strive to be good role models and educate good children.
The writer Shenchvicht said: "If every child can have a gentle hand to guide him forward, rather than kicking him in the chest with his foot, then education can better fulfill its mission." ”
May the children have the honor to embrace the warm hands of their parents, and may the parents be willing to show that warm love and help the children grow better.