A mother said to me: "Children often make unreasonable trouble, go to the supermarket to buy this and that, and sit on the ground and cry without buying."
When you go to someone's house, you will turn around and move around, and you will jump on the sofa of other people, no matter what you say, the child will not obey.
Every time I would be angry, I would beat up when I got home, but after the beating, I was sad, thinking that the child was 4 years old, although it was disobedient, but it was always painful. ”
He also said: "Hitting a child, one is to hurt the child, the other is to regret, afraid that hitting the child will leave a bad shadow in the child's heart, should I hit the child?" What should I do after hitting my child? ”
1
analyse
American child educator Heim Ginort once said:
"Punishment does not deter bad behavior, it can only make criminals more careful when committing crimes, more skillfully disguised crimes, more skillful and undetected."
When a child is punished, he will secretly resolve to be careful in the future, rather than to be honest and responsible. ”
When scolding children, although the children are sincere and fearful on the surface, they have no reflection on their wrong behavior in the depths of their hearts, let alone think about how to correct their wrong behavior, and even some extreme children will find ways to quickly escape the family and escape the control of their parents.
Parents in the new era no longer have the concept of "no fight, no machine", and most parents are trying to keep themselves from hitting their children.
This should be a kind of social progress.
2
Ideas
Although corporal punishment has many negative effects on children, there are also times when they have to fight in the process of educating children.
Sometimes, it is not a good idea to beat up disobedient children for a while, which is also a situation that often occurs in many parents.
So, how do you adjust your mindset? How to make "beating" children play a more effective role?
Try to control yourself not to hit the child
Not hitting the child should be an ideal state.
When a child makes a mistake, parents should not rush to hit the child, because hitting the child impulsively is often counterproductive.
At this time, you can tell the child how you feel at the moment, so that the child knows that you are dissatisfied with what he has just done.
For example, tell your child:
"I'm in a bad mood right now!"
"I'm not happy that you're doing this!"
"I don't like it when you're so rude!"
"Your performance makes me sad!"
……
Describing their psychological feelings helps to calm their emotions and also helps to make children think from the perspective of their parents, thus promoting children's reflection.
Punish the child with natural consequences
If the child makes a mistake, there is no need to criticize too much, and the child himself bears the consequences of the fault or mistake of the behavior.
For young children, parents can also tell their children the specific ways to correct mistakes and guide their children to make up for themselves.
For example, if the milk is spilled, you can't drink the milk.
At the same time, the child also needs to clean the milk on the table by himself.
This not only allows children to understand what results their mistakes may lead to, but also allows children to have the idea of repentance in the process of bearing consequences, which is conducive to avoiding children from making similar mistakes again.
Punish the child indirectly
If the child's fault is not large, the parent can not take too much accountability for the mistakes that the child has made, but let the child remember this lesson by giving the child a look, restricting his actions, detaining what he likes, limiting his time for entertainment, and so on.
For example, if the toys are not packed, the time to watch cartoons is canceled.
Of course, it is best for parents to put forward clear requirements for the child's future behavior, what the child should do, what requirements or standards to meet, and indicate the expectation of the child's next behavior.
For example, if you take the initiative to pack up the toys every time, you can increase the time you spend watching cartoons.
Don't get emotional when hitting your child
If there is a situation where you have to beat your child, such as:
In the case of repeated advice is ineffective, when the child still keeps making noise and affects his own safety, the surrounding people and the surrounding environment, parents must first stabilize their emotions and calmly face the child's problems.
Because hitting a child when you are emotionally excited, not only can you not point out the child's mistakes, but also make the child feel embarrassed, thus causing harm to the child's mind.
At this time, children, because the focus is on the parents' fierce emotions, often do not think that they are wrong, but only feel that they are a bad child.
Let your child understand why he was beaten
When forced to beat the child, parents should beat the child as an educational ritual, and must clearly tell the child why he will be beaten, how many times he will be beaten this time, and how to deal with the next mistake.
Don't hit too hard when you hit, don't beat your child to vent your bad emotions, and you can't indiscriminately raise your hand to beat your child.
After beating the child, be sure to coax the child, let the child understand, hit him, the parents are also very sad.
Most importantly, parents must let their children understand that even if he is wrong, his parents still love him.
Hit him just to make him remember and don't make the same mistake next time.
Do not hit children within the age of 2 and after the age of 6
It is normal for children before the age of 2 to lack a sense of rules due to immature mental development.
For children, hitting children has no warning effect, but will affect the psychological development of children.
As children grow older, their sense of self gradually improves and their sense of self-esteem becomes stronger and stronger.
Children after the age of 6 are already the age of understanding reason.
At this time, parents need to communicate with their children in a reasonable way to avoid the negative impact of scolding in the child's heart.
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