My husband loses his temper, my son runs away from home, how do I deal with it in the middle?

There is practice, there is companionship, there is strength

Hailan Happy Home 2022 33rd practice story

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1

On the 26th lunar calendar, my husband drove 7 hours from his hometown to Changsha to reunite with us.

On the 27th, near noon, I had been by the fire because I was not very comfortable, my youngest son was playing by himself, and my husband was busy in the kitchen alone.

He called for the younger son to taste the taste, the next he called on the eldest son to wash the dishes in the morning, and the eldest son was looking up the information and said: Wait a minute.

After a while, he called us to eat, no one responded to him, he suddenly exploded, scolding the eldest son: "I have been cooking at home for a year, and I have to cook for you when I come, what do I owe you or what?" I can still earn money now, and I haven't eaten you yet, so you treat me like this? I can't even wash the dishes..."

When he lost his temper, the eldest son also jokingly responded: "Are you sick?" I didn't say I wouldn't do it, I just said wait a minute. ”

The husband said even more angrily: "You are the great master, I am here to serve your life..."

The eldest son said, "Don't say it. ”

However, the emotional husband, who can't stop the car at all, has been scolding.

2

The eldest son ping-pong ping-pong packed the dishes, took it to the kitchen to wash it, came back and began to pack his computer, backpack, and then when his father entered the kitchen, he slammed, closed the door, and left directly.

The little son stopped playing, came over and sat down on my lap, a sullen look, and I asked him what was wrong.

He said: They are not right, Dad is too fierce, brother should not say, you are sick..."

This bystander saw it very clearly.

I said, "You go to dinner, shall you?" ”

My 7-year-old son shook his head and said he had no appetite, and I had no appetite.

At noon that day, except for her husband who drank a bowl of soup, no one else had eaten.

Bad tempers are like dynamite, blown up back to before liberation.

I can understand why my husband lost his temper, drove for so long the day before, brought us a lot of food, and after coming, I was in a meeting and only made him a bowl of noodles.

In the morning, we ate porridge, which he didn't like and didn't eat.

At noon, I did not take the initiative to cook for him, he had to do it himself, and he had a fire in his heart, but he was not good at getting angry with me, and the eldest son became a pot bearer.

I sent a message to my son, trying to reassure him, saying "I'm sorry son, your dad is mainly not satisfied with me, you made a back pot man." ”

Son writes back: Don't say it, I don't want to hear it!

I stopped communicating knowingly.

3

In the blink of an eye, my son had been gone for 2 days and had not returned home.

Lunar calendar 29, my husband said to me: "You let him come back, the big New Year's Day, it is not appropriate to go to someone else's house?" ”

I said, "Why me?" ”

The husband said, You're the. ”

In fact, in the two days after the child left, we also had communication.

I told him what the child was doing at the time, not disrespecting him and not listening to him as he understood it; I also told him that I was unwell that day, and said that the children were so old that they really couldn't swear like in the past...

The husband also explained that he had called several times at that time, but his son had not moved.

The husband has obviously softened, but men, well, want face, just don't bow their heads, don't want to call their sons.

I know that my husband actually attaches great importance to the New Year ceremony, and the New Year is to reunite the whole family, otherwise he would not have come all the way.

To be honest, I also think that it is not good for my children to spend the New Year at someone else's house, so I sent a message to my son, saying, "Son, it's almost the New Year, come back." ”

The son immediately replied with a word: "No return", and added: "As long as he is here, I will not return." ”

Oops, this father and son, the bar.

4

In fact, this grudge is not formed in a day, the husband always feels that the child needs education, so it is a big truth, and when the big reason does not make sense, he will lose his temper and scold people.

The child has grown up, but the husband's consciousness and actions have not kept up.

I told my husband: I sent a message, and my son said he wouldn't reply.

The husband's eyes narrowed, "What is he in someone else's house?" ”

"Whatever it is, he doesn't want to go back, and I can't help it..." I have a stall with both hands" I also did what you told me, and as a result, I couldn't do it." ”

My husband didn't say anything more.

Think about if I didn't study before, I may have a lot of fear of my husband, I will help him desperately persuade the child to go home, if the child insists on not coming back, I will be very afraid to face the husband's questioning.

Now, facing the reality, it is very calm.

My husband didn't say anything more, but I knew he wasn't feeling well.

He asked me a few times about the residence of my eldest son's best friend, and I really didn't know, and if I did, I wouldn't say.

The eldest son, on the other hand, has been staying at his friend's house.

In this way, Chinese New Year's Eve, the first day of the Chinese New Year, our family of four, only three have lived together!

Indeed, there was a Spring Festival that was not reunited.

5

On the fourth day of the Chinese New Year, the younger son had a conflict with other children, and after the eldest son knew about it, he quickly rushed back, and we met in the community.

I asked him if he could go home?

He said indignantly: "No, I am 21 years old, he still beats and scolds me like before, why do I go back and continue to be scolded?" If he scolds again, then I will never see him, and I can support myself anyway. . . .

I listened quietly to him tell his grievances.

Later, we dealt with my brother's affairs together, and he went to the same school again.

Back at home, I quietly thought about the causes and consequences of this incident.

Suddenly realized: the son is doing the right thing, he can run away from home, why not?

The husband does not control his temper well, he explodes at one point, and when he is in the mood, no one can stop him.

If the eldest son stays at home, he will only be injured, and his emotions and body will suffer a double blow.

Because the child still has a taboo against this father in his heart, he feels that he is also an elder and is unwilling to fight with him.

But the son is older and has his own self-esteem and dignity, and he uses this behavior to establish boundaries between him and his father: I am grown up, you can no longer do this to me.

You can't scold, and if you do, I'll leave.

After leaving, both people have a space to digest their emotions and calm down with each other.

Not meeting each other also avoids quarrels and further relationship damage.

Although he was escaping, it was the best way he could think of at the moment!

He has made the best choice.

6

The husband wants to be good to others in the way he thinks he wants, but there are many coercions, a lot of judgments and requirements in it, which is difficult to accept.

Especially his temper, one blow up, one blow up all the credit he has paid, who would like a moody person?

As the son grows older, his inner strength is gradually growing, he will certainly not be as obedient as when he was a child, and the husband must also be aware of this, and they need to establish a new balance, a new boundary.

The son is the weak and oppressed party, so he first breaks this vicious circle of the past -

The husband thinks that the son is wrong--- scolds the son--- the son hates him, hates him, but is powerless to resist--- emotions accumulate again and again, and the relationship is destroyed again and again.

I suddenly understood my son, messaged him, he did, I supported him!

On the fifth day of the first year, the husband returned to his hometown, and the eldest son immediately returned home.

Watching them avoid each other, there was a little bit of helplessness, but more of understanding.

Think about it, if you are not studying, encounter such a thing, I am basically in a state of madness, both sides want to change them, will definitely quarrel with their husbands, and will go to persuade children to be more considerate of adults, etc., painstakingly match the two sides, I hope they will get along as soon as possible!

Now, I know it's their own subject, whose homework is who's going to do it!

Husbands need to improve, so do sons, this is what they need to grow, I also believe that they will clarify the boundaries again and again in each other's run-in, and slowly find a way to get along.

All I can do is allow them to be in this state at the moment, not to be carried away by their emotions.

I am stable, and they can stabilize in the process of getting along with me.

Contradictions are not terrible, contradictions are the starting point for their relationship to re-set sail.

The contradiction also allowed me to see my own growth.

Author: Wang Li

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