Author: Creative Group Wooden Man
New Oriental Homeschooling (ID:xdfjtjy)
Seeing this scene, do you feel familiar?
At 7:30 p.m., the mother and daughter were eating, and the father had not yet returned; at 10:30, the father finally returned, but the child was asleep.
At breakfast, the daughter clipped the dish to the father, the father's mobile phone rang, hurried to answer the phone; the child called the mother, the mother looked down and rushed back to the message, a "boo" blocked the child's mouth, the child wanted to say and stopped, leaving the table...
Parents are usually busy, but they are frozen in the pain in their children's hearts.
Finally, at the school ceremony, there was a father and mother sitting under the stage, when the father answered the phone and went out, the mother was busy sending the circle of friends, and she confided her heart on the stage:
"My dad is always a lot of things, my mom is always busy with her business, I want to tell mom and dad, I am your biggest thing." 」
In the adult world, busyness is the norm, but for families and children, busyness is the enemy of parenting and the tooth decay of family harmony.
Busy means neglecting the family, missing out on the growth of children, being too busy, is the biggest killer of many family discord, and is one of the sources of children's psychological problems.
Busy work is for children, please don't hurt your children because of this
We work hard to make money, the original intention is to get a better education for our children, to have better material conditions, but many times, we will ignore our children.
In the TV series "Hello Procurator", Wu Bowen, who was in the third year of high school, was threatened by his classmate Li Mingqi and deceived his classmate Wang Chaoyuan, who led the crowd to kick and beat and bully Wang Chaoyuan, causing Wang Chaoyuan to commit suicide, so the Wang family sued.
In order to evade responsibility, Li Mingqi put all the responsibility on Wu Bowen.
When Wu Bowen faced jail time, Dad panicked. Wanting to communicate with his son, Wu Bowen refused to communicate, knowing that he had been wronged, but he did not mention a word, even the "bullying scene" he secretly filmed, did not dare to take it out.
How bitter is a child who is bullied in school and dare not tell his parents?
How hurt is the child who has been wronged and unwilling to ask his parents for help?
Is it that children like to bear alone? Or did his parents never give him the time and opportunity to speak?
After the accident, Wu Bowen's cousin pointed out that he did not care enough about his son, but the father said sternly, "You say that I am so busy every day, I have time to consider these things", so as a father, he knows nothing about his son's class, grades, and the child's psychological state.
Behind the busyness is that there is not enough care for children, strangers to each other decrease, isolating emotions and adding discord.
In the face of the closest parents, there is pain in the heart but can not open their mouths, want to open their mouths, but there is no ear to listen, the child has to taste the pain alone. When parents are busy breeding distance and strangeness, making the family emotional loss, estrangement from each other increasing, it is inevitable that the gains will not be worth the losses.
Dong Qing said: "When educating your children, you choose to earn money, do not discipline the children, and when the children grow up, you have worked hard to earn a lifetime of money, which is not enough for him to lose for a year!" ”
Making money is a necessity in life, money can be exchanged for materials and services, hire nannies and employees, but can not buy trust and emotion, material feeding, will only be exchanged for a cold mouth "dad" or "mom", there is no emotional deep link, the missing feelings have become a child's lifelong wounds.
Playing with mobile phones, perhaps for temporary relaxation,
However, it is easy to ignore the responsibility of education
Many parents like to play with their mobile phones to relax in addition to work fatigue, which is understandable, but if it exceeds a certain limit, it will have a negative impact on their children.
In "The Teenager Says", Ye Zijian once cried out: "The mobile phone is the child of mom and dad, because every time I look up and look at them, they are staring at the mobile phone intently." ”
"You're playing with your phone when I want you to talk to me; you're playing with your phone when I want you to go out with me."
Children love their parents the most, if the parents' attention is in the mobile phone, there is no communication with the child, the child can not see the child, the child's loss can be imagined.
More parents will even give their children a mobile phone in order to be lazy, just to make the children quiet for a while, which is even more troublesome.
Ye Zijian said, "You adults are always like this, in order to figure out the current quiet, use the mobile phone to stabilize us, and when we grow up and become addicted to the mobile phone, you feel that the mobile phone has delayed me." ”
"But have you ever wondered who, when I was young, put my phone in my hands and gave up my love and companionship?"
It is simply a vicious circle, parents in order to be lazy and quiet, give their children a mobile phone; when children are increasingly addicted to mobile phones, and complaining is a big trouble, they do not know that the cause is in the parents.
In the "First Regional Education Quality Health Examination Report" released this year, it was analyzed that parents have mobile phone dependence behavior, and the proportion of their children's mobile phone dependence has almost doubled.
In the family environment where parents love to look at mobile phones, it is difficult for children to learn consciously, achieve excellent results, and become positive themselves.
Parents who do not leave their mobile phones will only raise children with similar learning styles.
Lack of the power of example, it also loses the weight of authority, parents play mobile phones, while telling children to "study well", it is as light as a feather;
When the child is addicted to mobile phones and his grades are declining, parents reprimand the children for playing with mobile phones, and the children say in a word: "You are not the same." The parents were dumbfounded.
An American study said that parents often play with mobile phones can cause children to be irritable and rebellious.
If we respond less to our children for fun, and the children close the floodgates of communication and become rebellious and troublesome children, fighting and tearing each other, the parent-child relationship is gradually separated, and the parents will only regret it for life.
More companionship, after all, if he is not careful, he will grow up
I watched a short film without a single line in the whole process, but let us understand its meaning deeply.
Dad looks at the mobile phone to walk, the child holds the teddy bear for the father to see, the father touches her head, continues to look at the mobile phone, the child's eyes are full of sadness;
The child happily shows off to his father with the A+ report card, and the father drinks tea while looking at the mobile phone, completely unable to see how much disappointment is hidden in the daughter's lowered head;
At night, the father is still looking at the mobile phone, under the desk lamp, the daughter takes the painting she has drawn to the father, the father is motionless, and the daughter obediently leaves;
When the phone was running out of power, Dad finally looked up, but he was shocked to drop the phone, because the little girl in front of him had grown up.
There's a good saying: "Have you ever thought about how long you can spend with your child?" 0-3 year old you are all he is, 4-12 year old you are his night, 13-18 year old you are his weekend, after that there is only vacation left. ”
Cherish the time with our children, we can start with these points.
1. Strive to create "together" time
Lu Xun said: Time is like water in a sponge, as long as you are willing to squeeze, there is always something.
Get up early, eat breakfast with your children, return early from work, and accompany your children to dinner; although the accompaniment is short, the children feel love.
Former U.S. President Barack Obama, no matter how busy he is, insists on having dinner with his family, chatting with his children about school fun, and sharing what they have seen and heard.
The family members who can often see will not let the strangers take advantage of it, let us be busy, see the stitches and needles, and strive to create a time to "be together" with the child, so that it is the child who accompanies the child, and the parents who benefit.
2. Give your child high-quality companionship
Many parents, outside of work, are still busy, busy with entertainment, and their children are around, still focusing on playing games and brushing vibrato.
So the accompaniment became an empty shell, and only the accompaniment remained, but we could have optimized this time and benefited more.
The overnight popular martial arts master is enviable, and her father, as a partner of a top law firm, although busy at work, insists on not using a mobile phone after 4:30 p.m. every day, and concentrates on accompanying children to read and learn, which is more worthy of our praise.
Weekly fixed family meetings, weekly dinners, daily fixed "put down the phone" time period, chat with children, take a walk, high-quality companionship, is the highest level of our love, these simple sense of ritual, can become a good way to link family emotions.
3. Upgrade your parenting mindset
When the child is small, the parents accompany the main play, when the child is getting bigger and bigger, especially in adolescence, the child becomes like a hedgehog, and the parents want to be in harmony with it, they must grasp some skills and prescribe the right medicine.
Wang Dianjun, principal of Tsinghua High School, said that adolescent parents should cook more and talk less.
Learn to be a good listener, less nagging, less about the big truth, and avoid pushing the child farther and farther away;
Give the child emotional care and actively express love, so that he is willing to come close to us.
When the child needs parents, the parents reach out in time; when the child does not need us, we must step back and give them free space;
When the child is willing to open his mouth to us, we must listen carefully and respond in time;
If you want to make suggestions, the parents' eyes and tone should show "like> dislike", the child can feel your love; if you "don't like it> like it", the child will question the parents' love.
When children feel the respect and love of their parents, they are willing to remove their disguises and open their hearts to us. In this way, companionship can blossom, not give birth to disgust.
Busy is the norm in our lives, but ignoring and ignoring should not become a habit. Don't let busyness become the tooth decay of family harmony; don't let regret develop into the main theme of parent-child relationship.
Companionship is the longest confession of affection.
Companionship and care are never just talk, we need to practice what we preach, let love see, let companionship flow positively.
Don't let the busyness of work make money obscure the branches of life itself; don't let the temptation of entertainment take away the sunshine that children crave.
Click "Watching", may we in the long river of time, can not regret, do not owe, do not waste parents and children.