The full text of the | totals 2011 words, and the reading time is about 4 minutes
Some fans left messages about some of her daughter's performances after the second year of junior high school. She writes:
One day my daughter was crying because of a small matter, and when she went to school in the afternoon, her eyes were red and swollen, and she said to me: "Mom, I don't want to go to school, and then there will be a bunch of classmates around, saying some fake and concerned words."
Her resistance surprised me, how could she have such a thought? So I explained to her: "How precious are the love of classmates, they are all children, where are there so many complicated thoughts?" You have to learn to adjust your mindset."
"That was your time, and we go to school now like a mixed society," she said. Other girls can go to and from school together in pairs, and I don't have good friends."
Thinking about the number of times I went to school to see her, without a smile on my face, I said: "For example, if a person always has a taut face and a face of 'no one is allowed to enter, who do you say wants to be friends with her'?"
After hearing this, the daughter retorted: "I either stretch my face every day, or I don't want to make friends with them, we are not people of the world."
Although I did not disconnect the guide on the way to send her to school, it felt that the effect was very small. Is this child having a psychological problem? ShouldN't I take her to a psychiatrist?
From the mother's message, you can feel that the child is willing to communicate with the mother, which is relatively rare for children who have entered the second year of junior high school. It proves that the usual parent-child communication between mother and child is effective. At the same time, from the conversation, I also felt the negativity of my daughter's mentality, the resistance to getting along with my classmates, and my own loneliness.
Finally, my mother asked if I needed to see a doctor if I had a psychological problem, and my answer was: "No, because this is the normal psychological stage that a child goes through during puberty."
What happened to the "mind-locked" child?
Someone did a survey of students in the junior high school stage and found that 45.6% of the students felt lonely in their hearts during the middle school period and did not want to interact with people. I feel that I can't accept others, and others don't understand my own thoughts. Psychology calls this kind of mind a "closed mind."
As independent cognition grows, adolescents are in a transition to maturity. They feel that they have grown up, and with the changes in their bodies and minds, the maturity of their sexual organs has triggered a series of psychological changes. They have a lot of their own unique ideas, so they build a wall in the psychology and do not want to share them with others, which is a common "closed mind" stage in adolescence.
The cause of the "closed mind"
Studies have shown that in addition to the physical and psychological reactions of adolescents, the production of adolescent atresia is also related to their personality factors, family and school building.
First, there is an imbalance in physical and mental growth. The physical development of adolescent children has changed greatly, they are taller and their physiological characteristics are more obvious.
However, because the child's experience and knowledge are relatively small, the psychology is still in a "naïve" state. This serious physical and psychological imbalance leads to a lot of confusion, restlessness, and the phenomenon of "closed mind" in behavior.
Second, there is the difference between thoughts and hobbies. Entering junior high school, children's self-awareness is stronger, and the difference in thinking is more obvious. For example, my friend's daughter, because she reads more books and thinks more maturely than her peers, is troubled by finding someone to talk to at school.
She said: "I like the book they haven't heard, they like the stars I don't know, just open their mouth to find that they can't talk with their classmates." "In school, a child's closest partner is the classmates around him, but the difference in thoughts and hobbies has led some children to close themselves off because they cannot communicate and share with others.
Finally, home and school factors. Entering junior high school, parents and teachers have higher requirements for their children, and under the premise of exam-oriented education, grades seem to have become the only standard for them to prove themselves. Back home to keep learning, back to school is more all-round learning-oriented, this multiple pressure constitutes an obstacle to the child's psychology. He even thinks that he exists for the face of his parents and the honor of his teachers.
How can parents resolve the "closed mind" situation? Three steps to proper guidance
When we realize that children are reluctant to open up to communicate with others and do not like to make friends, how to deal with this "dilemma"?
Although "closed mind" is a common stage of adolescence, we still can't ignore it. Because they are not guided in a timely and correct manner, with more thought and less experience in their adolescence, it will cause factors that are not conducive to growth.
Therefore, in the face of children's "closed minds", as a parent to do the following three points, please be sure to read carefully!
The first step is respect and understanding
Adolescent children are already a "half-grown" person. They have a strong sense of self and the ability to think independently, but as parents always think that they are still children, they use majesty to make them follow the rules. This approach does not work, not only will they be more closed to their minds, but they will also use confrontational methods to obtain their "freedom". Therefore, the premise of ensuring that children are open to their hearts is to show their respect and understanding.
The second step is to actively promote parent-child communication
I asked about 30 or so junior high school students and asked them if they usually talk to their parents. As a result, 69% of the children answered no, of which 30% of the children were because their parents only let him learn and did not talk, 35% of the children felt that their parents could not keep up with their own thoughts, and the remaining children expressed their desire to have their own space.
In the face of the seriousness of psychological problems in more and more adolescent children, the reason is that there is no positive and effective parent-child communication between parents and children. We should let go of our parenthood, be friends with our children, listen to their joys and sorrows, and give positive guidance in time.
The third step is to guide children to see themselves and others correctly
To guide children to understand that "no one is perfect without gold feet", everyone has their own advantages and disadvantages. Friends or classmates, everyone will have something worth learning, so that children can find more shining points in others. At the same time, we must also face up to our own shortcomings.
Parenting tips: Adolescent children's minds are changeable, especially girls are more likely to be sentimental, as parents we must find out in time, and do a good job of guidance.
In the early hours of the morning, mom came to nag:
My brother and sister are still some distance away from the changeable adolescence, but my husband and I have already started to prepare ahead of time. Of course, I know that there are many variables in the growth of children, it does not matter, even in the stage of "closed mind", I will give them a positive attitude towards life.
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