Those boring and loose times can bring children to think and stimulate inner motivation.
So sometimes, it's a good thing to let your child get bored a little.
Author | Qianhe
Source | Mom Hug Original (ID: mmbaotuan)
Looking forward to it, looking forward to it, the winter vacation of the divine beasts is finally coming.
While children happily prepare for the holidays, many parents are pondering a tricky question:
That is, "How to let your child have a colorful, fulfilling and fun holiday?" ”
During the lunch break, the mothers in the office gathered to chat, and everyone shared their holiday arrangements for their children:
"I enrolled my child in two vacation interest classes, a Lego and an art artist, saving him from having nothing to do at home."
"I signed up for a winter camp for my daughter, and this weekend I'm going to take her on a short trip to the suburban attractions, and if it weren't for the epidemic, I would have wanted to take her to a few more places, or how boring the children's holidays would be."
"On the first day of the holiday, I made a holiday schedule for my son, the time is accurate to every minute, practicing words and learning English in the morning;
Doing homework in the afternoon, reading extracurricular books, exercising in the evening, and writing a diary, so that the time is not enough, but the holiday cannot be wasted. ”
As the first winter vacation after the "double reduction" policy, children may have less homework in cram school and more time for not knowing what to do.
Therefore, as parents, we can't sit still, in order not to let the child be bored and idle, we try to fill the child's vacation with various arrangements.
But don't kids really need a little "boring" time on vacation?
It is not the children who are afraid of boredom, but the parents
Yesterday I took my child to a friend's house to play, and as soon as I entered the door, my friend complained to me:
"What are you kids doing at home during the holidays?"
You said I should find something for my child to do, and you see how bored she is at home every day. ”
I looked at the child in the living room, and it turned out that the 7-year-old girl had scattered the toy on the ground, and she herself was lying on the ground in a daze while picking at the tile seam.
As a positive adult, boredom seems to us to be a term with a distinctly pejorative connotation.
As competent parents, we see our children's boredom as an urgent problem to be solved.
How do you feel when your child says to you, "Mom, I'm bored"?
anxiety? wrath? Or is there a hint of frustration and disappointment?
Our first instinct was to hurry up and arrange something for him to do.
Go to books, practice words, go games, go on trips...
Some parents will arrange every minute and second of their children's 24 hours a day in advance, and they will not be able to see their children idle for a while.
We feel like we have a lot of responsibility on our shoulders and have to fill our children's time.
Because we feel that the child's life should always be interesting, the child's time must learn something,
Otherwise, it is the dereliction of duty of parents, but we ignore that "boredom" is also of great significance to children.
The great philosopher Russell once said in his book The Road to Happiness:
"A child is like a seedling, and when it is placed quietly in the same soil, it grows best.
Too much travel, too much hustle and bustle is not a good thing for children, it will only make them grow up unable to bear the monotony that can bring abundance. ”
In fact, boredom is not only a slightly uncomfortable emotion, but also a way to immerse people in emptiness, wandering, and contemplation.
When we fill the child's free time with various arrangements and constantly provide the child with various passive entertainment, the child loses the opportunity to be nourished by boredom.
Nietzsche said:
"To resist people who are completely bored is also to resist themselves."
As parents, we don't have to eliminate our children's boredom.
Because they will draw the strength to grow well in the future from the "boring" time.
It's actually a good thing to make children "bored" a little
The British psychoanalyst Adam Phillips once said:
"Having the ability to adapt to boredom is a major achievement in the development of children.
Boredom is an opportunity for children to think about life. ”
In fact, in many boring moments, our brains are engaged in very rich activities.
For children, boredom is not a waste of time.
1. "Boredom" is an experimental field that breeds creativity
British psychologist Professor Sandy Mann once did such an experiment on "boredom":
He recruited 90 volunteers and randomly divided them into two groups, one of which had to go through the boring time of copying phone numbers and reading phone books, while the other group did not.
Two groups were then tested for creativity.
It turned out that participants in the boredom group scored higher on the creativity test.
Boredom inspires creativity and may surprise many people.
The Psychologist, an authoritative journal in the field of psychology, once made this explanation:
"For creativity, a boring environment is more helpful than a fun environment.
Because people like to daydream when they are bored, creativity is more likely to germinate when thinking is unrestricted and there is no purpose. ”
This is especially true for children.
When they have nothing to do, the brain finds ways to combat this emptiness, and they are curious and constantly exploring, which breeds creative inspiration.
2. "Boredom" is the source of production that generates self-driving forces
A child who has not seriously experienced "boredom" must have a hard time having self-driving power.
Dr Teresa Belton, a visiting scholar at the University of East Anglia in the United Kingdom, once said:
Boredom is a very central factor in growing up because it encourages children to develop "inner stimuli."
I used to be particularly keen to make various holiday arrangements and plans for my son, but the full schedule every day did not make him feel full.
He always expected me to help him organize all his time and kept asking me:
"Mom, what am I going to do now?"
Even when you are idle, you have to play with your phone and iPad, and you will not be bored at all.
When I was a child, without the discipline of my parents and the abundance of toys, the boring long days spent in the countryside forced me to take the initiative to explore and find things I liked to pass the time.
It was at that time that I developed a keen interest in reading.
British child psychologist Lyn Fry says:
"If parents arrange too many things for their children during the holidays, then children will never learn to find things for themselves to do."
And "boredom" drives them to find ways to fill their leisure time in a way they really like.
3. "Boredom" is a booster for gaining self-awareness
We all know the importance of having self-awareness for a person, and boredom is the booster of this ability.
Because when you are bored, your brain is no longer stimulated by the external world, you can explore your own heart to the fullest,
Think about "Who am I?" "What do I want?" "What do I like to do?" ”
Someone said, "When the world becomes quiet enough, you can hear your own voice." ”
Deeply.
When a child lacks time alone, feels too much stimulation of the outside world, and is given too much attention by the people around him.
Or if his free time is too full, he can't seriously think about the soul torture that comes with "boredom".
It is impossible to carefully appreciate the simple and ordinary beauty of life, and it lacks self-observation and awareness of delicate emotions.
So that it is difficult to build your own inner world and understand your true self.
Children who know how to get along with boredom
in order to get along better with the world
It is of course important for children to properly experience the feeling of boredom and have their own boring time.
But that doesn't mean completely stocking children.
As parents, we should help our children face boredom and teach them how to live with boredom.
1. Embrace "boredom" with your child
First of all, do not disturb the "boredom" of your child at will.
There is a kind of cold that your mother thinks you are cold, and there is a kind of boredom that makes your parents think you are boring.
When we see that the child is idle, don't rush to make the child "interesting", because the boredom in your eyes may be enjoyable in the child's place.
Whoever said that repetitive stimuli are the most boring, and boring venting is the most fun.
Even if the child expresses his "boring" feelings to you, we as parents do not immediately need to help the child arrange various activities.
Russell said: "The ability to endure a monotonous life should be cultivated from an early age. ”
We can stop what we're doing and talk to our children about the feeling of being "bored."
We should let our children know that in life, in addition to learning, entertainment and rest, there is also a feeling of boredom of not knowing what to do, which is a problem that everyone needs to face and solve alone.
You have no responsibility to help your child pass the boredom, and there is no need to eliminate the boredom of the child.
When we accept the state of boredom with the child, the child will better understand his feelings and understand his emotions.
2. Help children to live with boredom
Take the holidays, of course, there is no problem in helping your child make some plans and arrangements, but you must not fill up all of your child's time.
Give your child plenty of time to "decide for themselves what they want to do."
But if the child really doesn't know what to do during this time, parents can help the child with some "unstructured" activities.
In contrast to "structured" activities that have fixed rules or clear goals, such as playing ball, chess, or puzzles, "unstructured activities" refer to any child-led activity that has no rules and goals.
For example: walking without a purpose, scribbling on paper, playing with water, sand, or origami without setting a goal.
We just need to provide enough materials and space, and the rest is left to the children.
In these irregular activities, they will set their own ideas, find their own goals, play with infinite possibilities, and finally find a way to get along with themselves in boredom.
Some people say that the richness of a person's inner world determines his ability to fight boredom.
In this long holiday, as parents, we may wish to let our children feel bored in moderation.
A child who will get along well with "boredom" can have a truly complete soul.
* This article is the original mother hugging group, the mother's hard work and happiness, we all understand; the growth and exchange platform of mothers, welcome to pay attention.
*The pictures in this article are from Figureworm Creative.