1, at that time I was a relatively stupid student, everyone looked down on me, no one expected that I actually scored more than 600 points and went to the best university here. This day came one

1, at that time I was a relatively stupid student, everyone looked down on me, no one expected that I actually scored more than 600 points and went to the best university here. On this day, an old professor came to give us a lecture: "The pig is a very peculiar animal, its flesh can be eaten, its skin can be made of leather, its hair can be brushed, and now who can say that it has other uses?" At this time, one of his brothers, who was the class leader, stood up: "Teacher, its name can also be cursed." ”

2, friends, this motherboard is still saved? My friend's friend asked me to help him with a host, after the accessories arrived, said that he wanted to try to install the machine first, I also sent a two-hour installation tutorial to him. It turned out to be a car accident, and I now even blame myself a little for why I didn't buy him the whole machine

3, my college roommate has been 30 years old and has not found a girlfriend, often crying and shouting for us to help introduce girlfriends. Seeing that he was so pitiful, I said, "I have a distant cousin, and I will introduce you to him." The roommate was very happy when he heard this, and shouted that he wanted to invite both of us to dinner. At the dinner table, my roommate saw my cousin and scolded angrily: "I have never seen you so faceless, in order to rub rice, I brought my cousin who just graduated from kindergarten!" ”

4, when the rich merchant is poor, go to a noodle restaurant to eat noodles, half of the food saw a cockroach inside. Calling the store, the store smiled and said: Congratulations, you have won another bowl of grand prizes, I will go to you to claim the prize, you wait! With that, he took the bowl of noodles away, leaving the rich merchant looking at the blank table. Suddenly, the rich businessman had an epiphany, understood the true meaning of doing business, and it didn't take long to have money.

5. Today, I hurried to the clinic of my peers and said: "I am in a hurry to use the money, can I borrow 2000?" The peer replied, "Sorry, I don't have the money to lend you." I said unhappily, "Then you will lend me a patient, and I will return it to you tomorrow." ”

6, when I was a freshman, the counselor was a fat man who was very feminine, liked to confiscate the mobile phone, once a male classmate's mobile phone was confiscated to find him to come back, the counselor said you do five hundred push-ups I will return to you, he said that it can't be done, too much. The counselor said three hundred, he said he couldn't do it, the counselor said I could do it, and the classmate said: You make three hundred mobile phones, I don't want it. The counselor was confused...

7. When I was in elementary school. Once during the summer vacation, I discussed with my tablemates that I would do half of my summer homework and then copy each other. After I was done, the same table came to me, and I handed it to him without saying a word. After a week, the same table returned the homework to me, and I asked: How long has it taken to copy an assignment? The same table said angrily: Your homework is wrong everywhere, I changed it for you for five days, and then I copied it with confidence.

8. What can improve the happiness of the elderly? My first reaction to this question is to make your parents feel like they can do something about you. Because if you want to love someone, give him the opportunity to love you. Yesterday my parents were leaving, there were many mosquitoes in the autumn, my father learned to navigate to the flower and bird market and bought me a large pot of mint, saying that it could repel mosquitoes. One by one, I peeled a plate of garlic and put it in the yard and told me to repel insects. My mom cooked pork rib soup and chicken soup and told me to put them in different lunch boxes and eat them hot after work.

9, in the morning to go to the newly opened bun shop to buy buns, ask the boss whether the bun is good or not, the boss said: "You can try one, the authentic dog does not care about the bun is not delicious and does not want money." "So I took a bun and threw it to the dog next to me, and the dog bit the bun and ran." I said, "Boss, your bun is not authentic!!! ”

10, yesterday afternoon nothing, accompany the mother to walk the dog, walk to the community green space, a beautiful woman came over: Wow, the dog is so beautiful! Mom: Do you like it? Beauty: Loved it! Mom: Since you like it, I'll give it to you. Beauty: Big Mom, how embarrassed is that? Mom: Isn't it just a dog? It's nothing. Beauty: Really? Say yes and get ready to hold the dog. My mother pushed me forward: Girl, this is it, that's my son. Beauty was stunned, looked at it and turned around and left...

11, last night to go to the canteen to cook, saw this chicken leg lying horizontally in the potato, and said to my aunt: "Auntie auntie, I don't want other dishes, I want that chicken leg!" Auntie squinted at me and gave it to me. When I rushed back to the bedroom, I opened my mouth and bit it, Nima, it was a big piece of ginger!

12. The brother-in-law is a freshman at Shandong University, and in order to play a good PUBG, he specially equipped a computer with a 7,000 yuan computer in the computer shop. The brother-in-law shouted at the computer I went to see together, and after looking at it, the brother-in-law bargained for the store manager and asked him to give him 20 yuan cheaper. The store manager said: What I have given you is already the cost price, otherwise you will cut me twice. Then the brother-in-law paid the money to pay the bill, and I also put my hand into my bag, and the brother-in-law saw it and asked curiously: Don't you have no money with you? I replied: But I have a knife with me!! The store manager suddenly said with a black line to give us a cheap 30!!

13, see the 6-year-old nephew eating oranges, I want a few, but the bear child does not give. I told him the story of Kong Rong's pear for half a day, and then I told him a big truth. The little nephew reluctantly gave me the orange, and I sat down and ate it with relish. Standing up only to find several orange peels on the stool. My 2,000 newly purchased white dress is full of yellow flowers!

14. Teacher: "Your paper is plagiarized, right?" I wrote it 6 years ago. Student: "Teacher, you spared me this time, I don't dare again." Teacher: "However, I still decided to give you 'excellent'." Student: "Thank you teacher, but why?" Teacher: "At that time, my supervisor only gave me a 'pass', but I always thought that my paper should be 'excellent'.