Etiquette. In the Book of Learning, it is said: "The Tao is far-fetched, the strong is the Buddha-suppressed, and the Open-Ended Isa." ”
Education should guide, encourage and inspire, not lead or suppress or directly give conclusions. This is the essence of education: awakening. Ten thousand instillations are not as good as a true awakening.
Education needs to do the work of awakening, to stimulate children's inner life energy and personality ideals. How? These six words will give you the answer!
01
Don't say: Leave blank
Zhuangzi said: "The heavens and the earth have great beauty without saying it, the four hours have a clear law without discussion, and all things have a reason without saying." ”
What is not said is always more important than what is said.
Tang Bohu of the Ming Dynasty learned to paint with Shen Zhou when he was a child. In less than two years, I felt that the teacher's paintings were not necessarily much better than my own, so I wanted to go home.
Shen Zhou saw his thoughts, didn't say anything, and asked his wife to prepare a table of meals as a banquet for the master, but the place to eat was a separate house in the courtyard, and Tang Bohu had never entered it.
Pushing open the door, Tang Bohu was stunned: There were actually four doors in the east, west, south, and north! And outside each door, there is a different world. To the east is the purple and red, to the west is the small bridge flowing water, to the north is the green trees, and to the south is the song and swallow dance.
Tang Bohu rushed excitedly to the east gate, "boo" a sound, the impact hurt; he rubbed his head and walked to the west gate, it was another "boo" sound, he wanted to go out of the north gate again, or "boo" knocked to the ground.
It turned out that the three doors and the scenery outside the door were all painted by Shen Zhou on the wall, and it was so vivid and fascinating! Tang Bohu had an epiphany, knelt down in front of his master, and vowed to concentrate on learning painting. After unremitting efforts, in the end, Tang Bohu became one of the four major painters of the Ming Dynasty with the same name as his master Shen Zhou.
Shen Zhou's move of "not saying" made Tang Bohu's "master banquet" become a "return to the master banquet", which was really "silent is better than sound"!
There is such a sentence in "Huainanzi": "Ten thousand words are better than one silence." ”
No matter how well a person speaks, it is not as great as the power of silence. Man's growth is internal, like a dry land that cracks and opens, and its process is momentum and quiet.
Needless to say, it is a kind of silent education, it can also be said to be a snubbed education, and it is also an art of quiet and quiet cultivation of moisturizing things.
At its core is blank space. Leave enough blank space to reflect, use your inner experience to understand the world and experience life.
02
Say less: with heart
Rousseau said: "The three most useless methods of education in the world are reasoning, tantrums, and deliberate emotion." ”
Zeng Guofan took the imperial examination in Beijing in his early years, but failed twice. He chose to go back from study and borrowed one hundred taels of silver from his father's friend Yi Zuomei in Nanjing. However, Zeng Guofan looked at a set of engraved editions of the Twenty-Three Histories, and spent one hundred taels at once.
Back at home, Zeng Guofan waited with special trepidation for his father's scolding. But his father Zeng Linshu only said a bland sentence: "It is a good thing to borrow money to buy books, and I am willing to repay your debts for you, but I hope that you will not forget the original intention of buying books and study them carefully." ”
Zeng Linshu's words can be called a model of education!
Zeng Guofan failed to try twice, and his heart was very painful, but Zeng Linshu did not mention a word, only said the matter of buying books, and immediately resolved the child's heaviest psychological burden, which was simply "four or two thousand pounds".
For one hundred and two foreign debts, it is almost three years of income for the family, but Zeng Linshu did not complain in the slightest, only said that "the original intention of buying books is to study carefully." Since then, he has established the good habit of Zeng Guofan reading history all his life and not reading all day.
Confucius said, "A gentleman is sensitive to words and sensitive to deeds." "On the road of education, it is better to speak harshly than to say a plain and plain sentence; it is better to talk less, do more, see more, and listen more."
Later, Zeng Guofan was admitted to the Jinshi and became a Beijing official, so he took his father to live in the capital.
When he was young, Zeng Guofan liked to fight with fox friends, listen to plays, play with singers and prostitutes, and linger in major taverns. The father saw it in his eyes, said nothing, and insisted on returning to his hometown. Immediately after returning home, he wrote a letter, did not complain or make a long speech, and only proposed three verses with Zeng Guofan: "Abstinence, labor, and diet." ”
Zeng Guofan had an epiphany about "why his father insisted on returning to his hometown", and suddenly realized how absurd his behavior was.
Since then, he has sworn to be in line with the sages, introspected himself every day, and eventually become a generation of famous courtiers. In his family training left to future generations, he also specifically mentioned: "Living in groups and keeping one's mouth and guarding one's heart." ”
Many times, the nagging of parents is not only consuming the patience of children, but also weakening their own prestige.
Parents who like to nag, children always do not care, and parents who talk less, children instead put their hearts on the heart.
As Mr. Lin Yutang said: "To speak skillfully, we must say less; more words will be lost, and more words will be defeated." ”
03
Will say: action
In the Book of the Later Han Dynasty, it is said: "Those who teach by example follow, and those who teach by words sue." ”
By example, the child will follow, and if it is only verbal preaching, the child will often argue.
Zengzi's wife was going to the market, and the children were crying and crying to go together. Mrs. Zeng let the child stay at home and kill the pig for him to eat when he returned. In the evening, Mrs. Zeng returned, saw Zengzi sharpening his knife and preparing to kill the pig, and hurriedly dissuaded: "I just coaxed the child, and you are still serious." ”
Zeng Zi said: "Children do not have enough judgment now, they are learning from their parents." If you lie to him, he will no longer believe you in the future, and he will deceive people. In the end, Zengzi insisted on killing the pig and cooking meat for the child to eat.
This story not only teaches children to be faithful to what they say, but more importantly, to educate adults. The child doesn't just listen to what you say, he cares more about what you're doing.
When Mencius was a child, once, when he saw a neighbor sharpening a knife, he asked his mother, "What are they doing?" "The mother told him to prepare to kill the pigs. Mencius asked, "Why kill pigs?" The mother replied casually, "Give it to you." ”
Immediately, Meng Mu felt inappropriate: "The neighbor did not kill the pig for the sake of the child, didn't I teach the child to lie?" ”
In order to make up for the mistake, Meng Mu really took out a very limited savings and bought the neighbor's pork for Mencius to eat.
In the "Song of Persuasion and Filial Piety", it is said: "Parents are hard, especially mothers." This sentence is most appropriate for Mencius's mother, MengMu's three moves, Mengmu's broken machine, buying meat, these familiar stories, all contain the great wisdom of education.
Tang Taizong once said: "With copper as a mirror, you can wear a crown; with history as a mirror, you can know the rise and fall; and with people as a mirror, you can see the gains and losses." "Wei Zheng is the mirror of Tang Taizong, and the child is the mirror of the parents.
If the child does not love to read, parents can take a picture: do they read more books or look at mobile phones? If the child has a bad temper, parents can take a picture: are they yelling or are they drizzling? If the child is not thinking about self-motivation, parents can take a picture: are they complaining or positive?
Will speak, is a language of action. As the old saying goes, "If you want to teach your son, you must first straighten out your body." ”
The child is like a monitor, filming every day the words and deeds of his parents, and then playing it repeatedly in his mind, and finally becoming the way you see him now.
Write at the end
The purpose of education is to enable children to educate themselves without education.
Education should pay attention to the child's words and deeds, and shake him awake when needed.
Education should take care, spend time to read the child's hidden language, and wake him up at the right time.
Education should be at will, and every example that the child sees can awaken him at any time.
As one philosopher put it: "True education is to shake a tree with another, to push another with a cloud, and to awaken another soul with one soul." This is the true wisdom of education!