Loy asked:
Hello sister, my husband and I have been married for 7 years and have a 3-year-old baby. At the beginning of this year, he was sent to work in the field for 3 years, during which he could only return once in half a year. In the past, when we were together, although my husband also worked overtime every day and arrived home late, he could still spend some time together on weekends. appear
Miao Dai:
Hello Loy, your worries are not unreasonable.
Not long ago, the divorce of a celebrity couple caused countless people to sigh.
A simple sentence of "gathering less and leaving more" completely buried a marriage.
This is not the exclusive problem of celebrity couples, with the development of society, the development of the network, the convenience of transportation, long-distance marriage is not a new thing.
In the judicial big data released by the Higher People's Court of Zhejiang Province in 2018, the top two reasons for divorce are: life trivia and separation.
(Source: Network)
In the data released by the Shanghai civil affairs department in 2009, the number of married couples was 147413, of which 56,217 were long-distance marriages. In other words, nearly 40% of marriages are off-site.
When in love, we often say that age is not the problem, distance is not the problem.
But when it was time to live, I found that these were all big problems that could not be avoided.
Trust is the primary problem faced by long-distance marriages.
Although feelings are not controlling, we cannot be without a sense of control. Couples who spend all day and night will have a chance to go on a business trip.
What's more, couples in different places can only judge each other's tracks through clues. Whether they are happy, who is around them, who is with them when they are sad, and whether they have crossed the line, we do not know.
As long as there is a gap in the relationship, once the suspicion begins, there is endless distrust.
Image source: Stand Cool Helo
Satisfaction is an insurmountable pain in long-distance marriage.
What can marriage bring to a person?
Intimate experience, security of sustenance, satisfaction of sexual life, warmth of home...
But these long-distance marriages have become luxuries, he is not by your side, which means that when you need it, you can only fall in love with the mobile phone.
You're not there for him, which means he doesn't know who's warming him when he's lost.
Marriages that are often together, if there is a quarrel and conflict, there may be a hug, a kiss, and an intimate sex life can alleviate a lot.
But the cold caused by distance makes you only have endless loneliness in addition to disappointment and no longer expecting marriage.
The sense of responsibility is even more unbearable for long-distance marriages.
Two people are not in the same place, which means that one person is guarding the family and the other is in the field.
The man in the field could hardly take care of the chores at home.
The elderly are sick, the children are tutoring homework, and the water pipes at home are broken, and they can only have more than enough and lack of strength in these things.
Just like in "All Is Well", after Su Mingzhe and his wife are foreign, the wife is alone with children and has to work, and she often breaks down when she is thought to be a single mother.
She said that I thought I was strong, but I didn't think I would be able to face all this alone.
Distance can not only produce beauty, but also consume intimacy.
When two people are in love, they feel that distance is not a problem, and daily information can be sent non-stop. But after a long time, maybe the phone did not have a message for a day.
If you can, the husband and wife try not to be different, and the feeling of a home divided into two halves is certainly not integrated into one to make people feel safe.
If it is really impossible to avoid long-distance marriages, don't let the relationship die of distance.
There are three elements of intimacy, passion, intimacy, and commitment, and it can be said that the death of all relationships is the demise of these three.
The breakdown of a long-distance marriage is not essentially a place, but the death of the relationship. First of all, they were unwilling to manage the relationship, so they went to divorce.
Similarly, if we want to save a relationship, we can start from these three aspects.
First, always create passion
Xiao Beisheng is newly married, and it is recommended to create passion every time they meet.
Every reunion should be a high-quality companion.
It's hard for your partner to get home and don't always be busy with chores. Husband and wife must spend time alone, so that they can have endless words.
Second, intimacy is cultivated every day
If you can't meet every day, then use mobile phones, videos, etc., to chat for half an hour a day.
The topic should not be just "Is the child obedient today", "Come and talk to the father", "Is the mother okay lately"...
Every day, you can talk about what you saw, heard, thoughts, and needs for the day.
Don't underestimate the half hour of talking to each other every day.
Even if we don't meet, we know our partner's psychology and life inside out, perhaps more intimately than many couples who are not in a different place.
Finally, commitment is the conscience of marriage
The so-called commitment is not a mountain alliance and a sea oath, but a feeling of peace of mind for the other party.
Two people should have a common agreement and make common rules. For example, what to do when you encounter an argument, how to communicate when you encounter an emotional breakdown.
At the same time, have short-term commitments, such as when we will meet next time, what surprises I will give you, and where we are going to travel together at the end of the year.
When two people have common expectations, the relationship can be maintained more stable.
A long-term and stable relationship requires two people to maintain it together. We always feel that what kills marriage is some external factors, such as distance, extramarital affairs, and mother-in-law relationships, but in essence, the intimate relationship between the two people is broken first, and then there are objective reasons.
As long as two people grasp the three elements of "passion, intimacy, and commitment", long-distance marriage will not be so difficult.
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