Wen 丨 Forest Mommy
The topic was initiated by a mother, the reason is that she gave birth to a dragon and phoenix fetus, the younger brother is particularly strong, does not allow the mother to hold the sister, once the sister is crying, the mother can not do anything with her son.
In fact, the child's behavior is very understandable, as a second-child parent, always have to face the balance of attention of the two children, we know that we should give each child more attention, but in the face of this kind of child situation, what should we do?
First of all, we have to divide these children into different age stages, because not only children around three years old will do this, then we have to learn to "leave" their mothers according to different age stages.
So there are different approaches for different ages.
1. Under 3 years old (compulsory separation)
Some mothers may feel that forced separation is too cruel and too painful, but this is actually the most important way for children under three years old to express their emotions, that is, to achieve their goals through crying.
To put it simply, he does not want you to hug him, but wants to achieve your goal of holding him by crying. Forcing you to compromise this matter, at this time as a parent must not compromise, once you compromise, this child is your physical pendant, it is difficult to tear it down.
The best way is to let the child's father and the child's grandparents hold the child when they are not conscious, and cultivate a consciousness of the child leaving the mother from an early age, so it is difficult for the child to have such a situation in the later stage.
The most taboo:
As soon as the child cries you hug the child, as soon as the child cries you give him what he wants, crying and hugging, the child has no necessary connection, but crying and achieving his own purpose will have an inevitable connection. If you make this connection with your child, the child will use the way of crying to use you all the time. At this time, the other child is bound to feel unfair.
Therefore, at this time, in addition to not being able to hug the child, we must pay special attention to the purpose of the child's crying, not as the old man said, the crying child has milk to drink, such a way will promote the child's arrogance.
Two or three to seven years old (tell children the meaning of sharing)
At this time, the child, he already has his own sense of independence, and begins to do things according to his own thoughts and behaviors. We can't separate the child by means of a tough one, which will only cause the child's heart to suffer a huge blow, thinking that the mother has abandoned herself.
Because of the independent consciousness and the ability to communicate, the communication at this time is very effective, as a mother you have to be very patient to communicate with him to share the meaning, and the mother's love for him and the mother's love for others are not the same, the love given to you will not be distributed to others.
In ordinary life, we should also pay special attention to the child's emotions, pay attention to the child's emotions, and let him get a sense of security, so that his adhesion to you will be reduced, because he trusts you.
Angrily scold the child and keep the child away from you by forcibly separating. And to say that the child is the most annoying, you do not like this child and so on such hurtful words, the child at this time is the most sensitive in the heart, these words are the most unspeakable, but also the most likely to hurt the child, maybe your unconscious harm will cause the shadow of the child's life.
Don't underestimate these languages, these languages are the most harmful to a person, so the most attention is still their own language in this time period.
3. 7 years old or older (manifestations of some kind of harm to the child)
Children in this period rarely stick to their mothers, they are more independent of their own lives and their own thoughts, if he is more clingy to his mother, it can only mean that he has been wronged at school, and can only stay by his mother's side to feel safe.
If it is a child in this period, you should not pay attention to the child sticking to the mother too close, but should pay attention to the child for what reason to stick to the mother?
Especially for children in this period, in school, we should also pay attention to whether the child is physically and mentally healthy in school.
There is no attention to the child during this period of time, so that the child's behavior cannot be reasonably explained and unblocked. It will make the child feel that his parents are people he cannot trust.
In short, different periods of expression are different, the method of targeting is also different, whether it is to satisfy the child's possessiveness, or to restrain the child's possessiveness, it is aimed at the specific problem of expressing dissatisfaction with crying and not allowing the mother to hold other people, at this time we must make a decision to solve the situation, rather than applying this method to all occasions for treating two children.
In general principle, treat two children as much as possible to give each of them complete love, so that they do not feel that there is a lack of love and attention, and try to be fair.
In a family of two children, no one can guarantee complete fairness and justice, but we can make adjustments in the overall situation, give the sister a little more in this matter, and give the younger brother a little more in another thing, to achieve a dynamic balance. If one of the two children is more aggressive and the other is more passive, then we also need to take different educational approaches to treat the two children.
In this way, every child will feel that mom and dad's love for me is special.