Just because I'm used to it

The recent cases of counseling are related to parent-child education, and parents have come to me, hoping that I can help them manage their bear children, make them obedient, cry and make a lot of noise without moving, and some even shout at any time or occasion, making them very embarrassed.

These children are two or three years younger, the oldest eleven or twelve years old, the basic performance is as long as they are not satisfied, they start to cry, how can not coax unless they meet their needs, some can even be deadlocked for an hour or two, crying can not breathe.

And what are their needs? For example, hugging, for example, want to buy toys, and then to play with mobile phones, or take other people's toys and do not return, in short, all kinds of one second is still a lump of harmony, the picture is warm, the next second do not know how to touch their switch. Then there's the chickens and the dogs, and the chaos.

Some people may say, how big a deal, isn't it better to satisfy them? Yes, once or twice of accidental events, I believe that parents will not pay attention to the heart, to be careful, but the difficulty is that it is accumulated day by day, every day from time to time to come out, especially when the parents are busy, irritable, no time and energy, and it is difficult to be happy, and it is difficult to worry that such satisfaction is indulging in pampering, blindly compromising, and can not be managed in the future. That's why I thought of asking for outside support.

In these few cases of consultation, we found such a pattern: 1. These pairs of parents are fully caring for their children. 2. These children are not the legendary ignorant bear children, on the contrary, they are quite sensible and well-behaved when they do not touch their switches. 3. Their switches are really just a habit.

Before a child goes to primary school, it is a critical stage for children to develop good living habits. Research has found that children who grow up in a stable family relationship and regular family life habits will be very stable in both emotions and cognition, and they are very secure and confident.

The reason why these children will appear in the above situation is because of the parents' irregular satisfaction and suppression of such a special switch.

For example, hugging, the child's own habit is that I am sleepy, hungry, tired, uncomfortable, you can ask for hugs, because this was how it was immediately satisfied before.

But now that parents are growing up, they can walk and jump, and they feel that their children understand things, so they can't ask for hugs without moving.

Therefore, it is reasonable to think that when the parents are carrying things in their hands, when the parents are particularly tired, or before going to bed, or when the parents are busy, do not let the parents hold themselves down.

And this is a change in habits for children, they are not adaptable. Because they are small, their cognition does not understand the logic of this, that is, you unilaterally made the rules, I have to abide by them, they only instinctively cry, express their unsatisfied anxiety, uneasiness, and even mistakenly think that their parents do not like themselves.

So at this time, the first thing to give is to give certain attention, let them feel that they are cared for and accepted, and then tell them that there are rules for hugging now, and finally that they must adhere to this rule in the future, and cannot change it overnight.

And these pairs of parents also have in common that they have the idea of making rules, but they do not adhere to the rules. Therefore, the child cannot develop new habits, and in the process of alternating between new and old habits, they are constantly anxious, uneasy, and even reject new habit patterns.

Therefore, the cultivation of good habits is not a matter of one day or two days, one sentence or two sentences, stability and persistence are very important. This allows the child to steadily over-adapt to new habits in a safe environment. Once they embrace the new model, they quickly form habits. Then parents can settle down once and for all.

Let's communicate together, let's explore the secrets behind the child's behavior with Teacher Xiaosun, perhaps we think that the child's indulgence and willfulness are only because of the habit of not adapting.