Some time ago, the video of a woman slapping her mother on the street and being kicked down by passers-by caused a hot discussion on the Internet.
It is reported that the reason is that the woman often does not return home outside, and on the day of the incident, she was just seen by a nearby acquaintance downstairs, so she called her mother.
After the mother came downstairs and talked to her, after a few words, the woman started to beat her mother and slapped her several times.
In fact, at present, cases of children beating their parents like this are not uncommon.
Who is it that fuels the arrogance of children's ignorance? What's wrong with our education? Is it the dislocation of school education, or the lack of family education, or the mistake of public opinion guidance? It's worth everyone's thoughts!
In fact, this kind of problem is often habitual!
Below we have listed nine major habitual characteristics, I believe that every parent will encounter such a problem:
1. Special treatment
The child's status in the family is above everything, can not bring any unpleasant things to the child, delicious things are left to the child to eat first; everyone in the family can have a birthday, but the child's birthday must be passed, and must buy gifts for the child, so that the child feels the "warmth" of the family.
Such a child considers himself to be the center, the "little sun" in everyone's mind. Over time, the child will naturally become selfish, lack of empathy, and will not care about others.
2. Protect in person
The ancients said, "The Son does not teach, but the Father is at fault." When fathers educate their children, mothers often protect their children: "Don't be too strict, the children are still young." ”
Sometimes parents teach their children, and grandparents will stand up: "You can't ask for too much, the child will naturally be good when he is older; when you are young, you are not as good as he did!" "Protect the child like this." The reason for the emergence of bear children is that parents have indulged and doted on their children from an early age.
3, easy to satisfy
What the child wants from an early age, the parents will give what, and some parents will also give the child a lot of pocket money, so that the child's desire will be easier to satisfy, so that the child will inevitably not understand the truth of a point of cultivation and a harvest when he grows up.
They will not know how to cherish and waste money, and have no patience and spirit of hardship.
4, life is lazy
Indulge children to eat and live, play and learn without regularity, do whatever they want, sleep late, do not eat, wander during the day, watch TV at night until late at night, etc.
When such a child grows up, he will inevitably lack self-motivation and curiosity, lack the ability to think, be a person and get by, do things with an ape, and have a beginning and an end.
5. Pray for a prayer
For example, while coaxing the child to eat and sleep, he promised to tell the child a story before finishing the meal. The child's psychology is that the more you beg him, the more he twists and turns, not only can not distinguish between right and wrong, can not cultivate a sense of responsibility and generous character, but also the prestige of education is also lost.
6. Substitution
The ancients said: "No laborer is allowed to eat." However, many parents neglect to educate their children for various reasons, such as coddling their children. "I can't hurt too late, and I still have the heart to let my children work?" "It's more troublesome to ask the child to do things, so I might as well help him do it."
Therefore, three- or four-year-old children still have to be fed, they cannot dress, they do not do any housework when they are five or six years old, they do not understand the pleasure of labor and the responsibility of helping their parents reduce their burdens, so if they continue to do so, they will inevitably lose a hard-working, kind, compassionate and capable child.
7. Make a fuss
Originally, "newborn calves are not afraid of tigers", children are not afraid of water, not afraid of black, not afraid of wrestling, not afraid of illness. After wrestling, they often get up silently and continue to play. Later, why do some children cry timidly?
It is often caused by parents and grandparents, the child is panicked when he is in pain, and the end result of pampering is that the child does not let the parents take a step. These children are branded as cowardly.
(8) Deprivation of independence
Walk on the back; hold it in the mouth for fear of melting, spit it out for fear of flying away. Such children will become timid and incompetent, lose self-confidence, develop a dependence psychology, and often become "door tigers", run amok at home, and be timid like rats outside, resulting in serious character defects.
9, afraid to cry
Because of the accommodation of children from an early age, children threaten their parents with crying, sleeping, and not eating when they are unhappy. Doting parents have no choice but to coax, surrender, obey, and accommodate. Parents who are afraid of their children crying are incompetent parents; children who scold their parents become ruthless contrarians, sowing the seeds of selfishness, ruthlessness, willfulness and lack of self-control in their personalities.
The above 9 major habitual characteristics, I believe that every parent has done this more or less.
"When you are a child, you are too doting, you develop arrogance, and when you are a little longer, you should be appeased, indulge in his rogue heart, have a lot of evil attitudes, have habits since childhood, and want to change it for a long time?"
When a child is young, if he is overly pampered, it is easy to develop the habit of arrogance and laziness. As you get older, if your words and deeds are inappropriate, and you tolerate and do not correct them, your mind will gradually be biased and incorrect.
When he grew up, how could he be asked to correct them?
And how do you educate your children?
In fact, some of their godson methods are still worth learning from our parents today.
I. Lao Tzu: As long as we follow the principle of doing nothing, there is no place where education is not good
Lao Tzu said in the Tao Te Ching, "If you do nothing, there is no cure." "Doing nothing" is to conform to the natural nature of things, that is, what Lao Tzu called "Taoist nature." As long as the principle of inaction is followed, there is no bad governance.
In Lao Tzu's view, human nature is simple and innocent at the beginning, and with the development of civilization, it has lost its authenticity and is more deceitful, so it is necessary to return, that is, adults return to babies and naked children, and return to their true nature.
Zhuangzi said in "Emperor Ying":
"The Emperor of the South Sea is Qi, the Emperor of the North Sea is Ku, and the Emperor of the Central Sea is Chaos." When you meet in the land of chaos, chaos treats it very well.
The virtue of chaos is repaid by the conspiracy of the qi and the conspiracy: "Everyone has seven tricks, and eats and breathes with sight and sound." This is unique, try to chisel it. 'One day chiseled, seven days and chaotic death.' ”
This is telling us that everything has its own particularity, and to insist on uniformity is not a bad thing. A person's true nature is the most important thing, do not try to change the true.
Therefore, for family education, parents cannot measure and evaluate the merits of their children by a standard, burying their shortcomings in some aspects, but excellent talents on the other.
Just like Shang Tang and Wu Wang, although they are holy lords, they cannot float on the rivers and lakes like the Yue people who are familiar with the nature of water; although Yi Yin is a virtuous person, he cannot ride a fierce horse and tame wild horses like a nomadic Hu people; Although Confucius and Mozi are knowledgeable, they cannot climb on the rugged mountain roads covered with grass and trees like people living in the mountains.
Saints are not yet all-round, let alone ordinary people.
Parents should treat the growth of their children with a tolerant attitude, that is, the best way to educate their children is to "go with nature" and "supplement the nature of all things and dare not act".
According to the characteristics of children's physiological and psychological development, scientific guidance, so that children grow in a natural way, to avoid the phenomenon of early puberty or late maturation.
"Dare not do" is by no means "indifferent" and "listening to it", not to indulge the child in inaction and scalelessness, but to "not act arbitrarily" - starting from the interest of the child, "supplementing it with nature", and appropriately helping the child to tap the potential of the subject he loves, so as to achieve more with less.
Second, the eight rules of the godson: the way of the godson of a generation of Confucianism
Ji Xiaolan, a famous scholar of the Qing Dynasty, could not take on the responsibility of educating his children because he had been living in the government for many years, and he was well aware of the situation of "women's hearts and preferences", so he wrote a family letter to his wife to explain how to educate her children.
In his family letter, he had the requirements of the "Four Precepts" and "Four Virtues" for his children:
Four precepts: one precept, two precepts laziness, three precepts luxury, and four precepts pride.
Four yi: one should read diligently, two should respect the teacher, three should love the public, and four should eat carefully.
The above eight rules are the golden rules of the godson.
Four precepts
A ring rises
In Zeng Guofan's view, late rising is the fierce virtue of the loser. The reason why the Zeng Guofan family has been able to produce talents in the past hundred years is closely related to his "governance of the family based on not rising up". "Getting up early is the first secret of health" "Getting up early can invigorate the spirit" Zeng Guofan warned his brother in his family letter that "if you want to remove the word 'lazy', get up early as the first meaning." We often say that to cultivate self-discipline, we must first start with diligent words, treat laziness with diligence, and treat mediocrity with diligence, so that there is no difficulty in being diligent in the world.
The second precept is laziness
"All the mediocre people of the world, ancient and modern, are defeated by a lazy word, and the talented people of the world and the past and the present are all defeated by a proud word." Most people are mediocre all their lives because of laziness. Mei Lanfang was also mediocre in qualifications at first, but he was not willing to do so, studied and practiced diligently, and eventually became a generation of masters.
Three precepts of luxury
"Throughout the history of the former virtuous country and family, success is caused by thrift and thrift, and it is caused by luxury." The river of history, the vast soup, the wealth of the ancients are all attributed to the way of "diligence and thrift"; and the decline of a rich clan stems from a "luxury" word.
There are many examples of demises in history caused by extravagance. The wine pond meat forest of the King of Shang, the extravagant fighting for wealth in the two Jin Dynasties, the Sui Dynasty and the Sui Dynasty Emperor Hao Daxigong, the hedonistic luxury of the late Tang Dynasty, the extravagant corruption of the Eight Banners of the Late Qing Dynasty... Vividly remembered.
The nemesis of luxury is frugality. Zhuge Liang said in the Book of Commandments: "Quiet to cultivate oneself, frugality to cultivate virtue." Only by relying on inner quietness can we cultivate our body and mind, and only by relying on a frugal style can we cultivate morality. The "Zhu Zi Family Training" says: "A porridge and a meal, when thinking is not easy to come by; half a silk and half a wisp, the constant thought of material strength is difficult." "Admonish people to practice frugality and cherish the hard-won material life."
Four precepts of pride
Full of losses, humble benefits. Pride and complacency incur losses. As soon as a person is proud, he loses the motivation to make progress; once he is proud, he is bound to be condescending to the people around him and command. No one has ever liked or wanted to be with a proud and arrogant person, because arrogance is an unsupported dignity.
Wang Yangming, the master of mind studies, once taught his children: "Today's people are sick and painful, and most of them are just proud." All sins and evils come from pride. ”
Once people have a proud heart, they are bound to relax their vigilance in all aspects, and disasters and failures are bound to follow. Pride is the way to self-destruction, so the ancients said that arrogance will be defeated.
Four-fold
It is advisable to read diligently
Zeng Guofan said in the family letter of educating children: "The temperament of people, because of their nature, is difficult to change, and only reading can change their temperament." Gu Zhi was good at the Fa, and said that reading books can change the bone phase. "Reading diligently, what is more important is to let everything be confused, have evidence to rely on, let all confusion, have laws to follow, let ignorance go to wisdom, and let the backward brain come into contact with enlightened thoughts."
The second should respect the teacher
"One day as a teacher, one life as a father." Compared with today, the relationship between teachers and students in ancient times is more prominent. In ancient times, parents took their children to private schools to register for study, not only to prostrate to the private school teachers, but also to perform prostrations to Confucius's tablets. The way of respecting the teacher is a very important thing in the eyes of the ancients, and the "Lü Shi Chunqiu Zunshi" said, "When you are born, you are careful to cultivate, and when you die, you are dedicated, and the way of honoring the teacher is also." ”
Sanyi loves everyone
The Analects: "Love the multitude and be kind to the benevolent," which tells us to always have a heart of fraternity. In education, we must first learn to be a person and cultivate temperament; then we must learn knowledge and skills and cultivate ability.
Four should be eaten with caution
The Disciple Rules say, "Don't choose your diet." Eat well, don't overdo it. ”
How the child really lives and how the quality of life is, is closely related to whether life is normal, overeating, not sleeping at night, and not getting up in the morning, which is the manifestation of the irregularity of life. Lao Tzu said, "The saints are not for the sake of the belly." "Eating is to feed a full stomach, not to satisfy the mouth. Civilized diseases in today's society, such as: cancer, diabetes... And so on, many of them are caused by overnutrition and nutritional imbalance, so we must grasp the balance in the child's diet.
Godson "Seven No Responsibilities"
In the Taiping Sutra, it is not easy for parents to say: "It is not easy for people to have children and grandchildren from birth to old age, and it is not easy to be parents." "Parents should raise their children and grandchildren well, and their usual education should pay attention to methods to make them successful.
Therefore, in educating children, we must pay attention to the "seven non-responsibilities":
First, do not blame the public
The ancients said, "Those who have been humble and young, and those who are cautious in their reproach" do not rebuke children in public. Often reprimanding children in front of others, or repeatedly telling others about children's troubles as jokes, making children ugly, will not only hurt their self-esteem, but also make them not ashamed, get used to it, and invisibly strengthen their wrong behavior.
Second, regret and no responsibility
When the child has psychological guilt and regret, parents should no longer criticize and blame the child, otherwise it will have a negative impact on the child's psychology and is not conducive to the healthy growth of the child.
Third, the twilight is not responsible
Don't blame your child before going to bed at night. The child is going to sleep, and if the parents blame him at this time, the child goes to bed with a depressed and lost mood, either at night or with nightmares. It is very likely that things are not resolved and the child's body is damaged.
Fourth, diet is not responsible
As the pace of life accelerates, parents spend less and less time with their children. Three meals a day, especially dinner, became a rare opportunity for a family to meet. Seeing or suddenly remembering what is wrong with the child, they "seize the time" to educate. This will not only affect the child's appetite, resulting in weakness of the spleen and stomach, but also crying while eating is easy to accidentally inhale food into the trachea, causing choking cough. In addition, it will also destroy the quiet family time, so that children feel that eating with their parents is a painful thing, causing psychological depression and deepening estrangement.
Fifth, happy and irresponsible
Do not blame your children when they are particularly happy. When people are happy, the meridians are in a unimpeded state, and if the children are suddenly scolded, the meridians will be immediately held back, which is very harmful to the body. But the proper reminder is deserved, and the truth of happiness and sorrow must be felt by children often.
Sixth, sorrow is not responsible
Many parents will be helpless, uneasy or even tired and angry when their children cry, in fact, crying is a necessary process for children to heal emotional wounds. If parents blame them, the child will feel "worse", fall into an emotional trough, and become inferior. Parents need to understand their child's need to cry. If a child falls down and cries, just put your arms around him and listen to him cry. When he had cried enough and felt safe and confident again, it was enough to say to him, "There is water where you just fell." The child can also confidently reply: "Next time I will be careful." Rest assured! ”
7. Illness is not responsible
Don't blame your children when they are sick. Illness is the most vulnerable time, and children need the care and warmth of their parents more, which is more effective than any drug.
END
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