Wen | smiled slightly
01.
Dependent arising and extinction, there is an arrangement in the underworld.
If you do your best and the fate is still exhausted, then please accept this result, let each other go, and rejoice in each other. Of course, this is not an easy task, and the failure of a relationship or marriage may affect you more than you think.
Because this is not only the withdrawal of feelings, the division of property, or the proper arrangement of children, but also the questioning of the darkness of human nature and the reconstruction after the destruction of trust, which requires time, courage, reason and boldness.
When the relationship fails, the people around you will advise: "Forget the past, reflect on yourself, and learn from the last failed relationship/marriage." "It sounds like there is nothing wrong, after all, the relationship fails, the problem is both sides, and there is nothing wrong with reflecting on the improvement from it?
Even Socrates said, "The life without reflection is not worth living." "Then, let's reflect on it, and reflect and criticize ourselves from the aspects of our own personality, mode of getting along, and shortcomings.
However, do you find a problem: the more you self-reflect and review, the more sad you are wronged, and the more you find that human nature is despicable and unworthy of the world.
In fact, this is not your problem, but immediately after the loss of love and divorce, self-reflection This behavior has created your unhappiness and unhappiness, and it is difficult to really get out of the predicament.
Remember the book "Love Needs Learning" mentions, "Couples with intimate relationship crises, whether together or divorced, are not a mistake, but a choice." Separation is a return from the story of 'us' to the story of 'I'. ”
When in love or in a marital relationship, any problem is a "we" problem, and both men and women need to work together to solve the problem and improve the relationship.
But once separated, then these problems are no longer the problems of "us" but the story of "me", for "I", withdrawn from a failed relationship, the first thing that needs is not reflection and self-blame, but self-awakening, growth and transformation.
Since the fate is over, let each other go.
Instead of rushing to self-reflection, please spend your time and energy on "self-growth" in reflection and self-blame.
Let the past pass, do not think, do not disturb, and do not need excessive introspection.
02.
You know, just breaking up or divorcing, it takes time to heal.
If you are still forcing yourself to reflect on past hurts at this time, you can get much more unhappiness, self-blame, and self-doubt than you can learn from past feelings.
When many people face a failed marriage, they have already suffered all kinds of blank eyes, incomprehension and even discrimination from society and the people around them. Life is already so difficult, why do you have to tear the wound open again and again at this critical time? Even if you tear open your wounds and face the bitter love and hatred, will you really grow strong from experience?
This is really too hard.
On the one hand, excessive self-reflection is likely to bring harm, self-doubt: must be that I am not good enough, so I will fall into the point of divorce? Must I be too bad-tempered, or usually too aggressive, so he regrets marrying me? Will it be that I am not beautiful enough, not in good shape, and not highly paid, so the failure of marriage will become the total failure of my life...
Even if you can rationally analyze your strengths and weaknesses and the value of marriage, feelings and marriage are very different from person to person.
Maybe the ex doesn't like your strength, and the next one may feel that "you have an opinion"? Your unreasonable teasing may be a moderate willfulness and cuteness in the eyes of others? There is no right or wrong feelings, just fit to match.
And, more importantly, many people are injured and unconsciously activate the "over-compensatory" mechanism to protect and reward themselves, thus ignoring the things that are really important.
For example, your ex is an alcoholic, you hate it so much, the next time you look for someone you may overemphasize him for drinking or not, as long as he doesn't smoke and drink, you think he's fine, and neglect to examine whether there is a problem with the character of others.
It is worth mentioning that what we think is "spiritual" and that everything in life is attracted by ourselves. As The Reconstruction of Life puts it, "We will really become what we think we are, and we think that if we are good, we will be better; if we think we are bad, we will be worse." All the pain and pleasure in our lives is entirely self-inflicted. ”
"Successful separation depends on love, but not on this love, but on compassion for human weaknesses, on faith in love itself."
If you have just broken up or divorced, please do not overly reflect on your shortcomings and shortcomings, but focus on the pursuit of happiness and self-growth itself. After all, self-reflection is a relatively heavy burden for many people, and to a large extent, it is a "thankless" action, without self-torture, learning to let go, let go and give up.
What you think and think makes your future.
You have to believe that you have done the best you can, and since the fate is over, you don't have to blame yourself.
Don't over-reflect, it doesn't do any good, unless you enjoy self-criticism and self-examination, otherwise from this moment on, let yourself go, tolerate yourself and learn to enjoy life.
Say goodbye to the past and love yourself for the rest of your life.
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