Chen Danqing said: "People inevitably have some preferences and some tendencies, but the premise is to have judgment and choice. "In a patriarchal family, the preference of parents is not necessarily love, but more of the selfishness of parents, and the child who is favored just fills the missing part of the parents' hearts."
So what is the experience of parents preferring sons to daughters? Having heard the true feelings of two "witnesses", he said:
"Why he cried in exchange for a favorite toy, but I cried in exchange for countless scoldings, and then I understood, because he is a son, I am a daughter." 」
"I would like to leave every brick and every piece of paper in the house to my son." But he wants his daughter to come to the pension, and he is eager to take it out and completely squeeze out the value of his daughter. ”
Between the lines, there is a strong heartache.
For patriarchal parents, it is certain that a girl is not welcome and can be sacrificed at any time for the benefit of the family, especially when the family encounters financial difficulties. In itself, it is regarded as an investment, after the daughter has the ability to work, she begins to ask for returns, and the more she pays for her daughter, the more she feels lost.
Because "the daughter who marries out, the water that is spilled out", thinking that the daughter will have her own family sooner or later, then she is someone else's family.
So even if there is nurturing grace for the daughter, it is completely biological instinct, the responsibility, in a sense, can no longer say how great the father's love and mother's love is, otherwise it will become a moral and affectionate kidnapping, in order to achieve absolute spiritual control over the daughter.
Why do some elderly people, no matter what happens, only look for their daughters and not their sons? Eccentricity is often the main cause, of course, there are some objective factors.
1, the daughter's mind is delicate and weak, the son will be annoyed.
In general, women are more resilient than men, so finding daughters is more conducive to the solution of practical problems. This means that the daughter can really and seriously help her parents solve the problems encountered in life, and the son always disagrees with this.
For example, parents say that their bodies are uncomfortable, their daughters will think more comprehensively, do it as a big thing, do not worry about the elderly parents to sit in the car, say anything to put down the things at hand, busy running, until waiting for the results of the examination to be assured.
And the son, who may behave very casually: "Unwell? When you reach the age, it should be no big deal, just raise it for two days. ”
If parents often chant, or often look for their sons, affecting their sons' life arrangements, they may directly show their emotions.
Even in the process of helping parents deal with problems, they will also behave very impatiently.
2, consider the daughter-in-law in the middle.
If you often trouble your son and affect your son's family life, this is equivalent to involving the interests of your daughter-in-law, so it may cause your daughter-in-law's dissatisfaction. For some small things on weekdays, I don't want to trouble my son, nor do I want to cause trouble to my son, unless I encounter a big thing.
After all, the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is more sensitive, and the roles played are different, although the daughter also has her own family, but the son-in-law's interests are generally not too heavy.
In general, the mother is directly related to the daughter, but between the son, there is always a daughter-in-law, no matter what, you must first consider the daughter-in-law's feelings and thoughts.
Otherwise, how can it be said that a man has a family, basically only half a man, and the other half is dominated by the daughter-in-law.
If there is still a contradiction between the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law, in the case of a harmonious relationship, there is something to find the son, but it will cause a conflict in family life.
3, the location is different, the ability is different.
There are two possibilities here, one, considering the different positions of the daughter and the son, and the other, considering the different abilities of the daughter and the son. Thinking about the daughter's back, there is also the son-in-law, there is the traditional idea that men earn money to support the family, so even if they delay the daughter's work, the impact on life is not great.
But son, there is a mortgage and a car loan, life pressure is very large, if you often ask for leave because of yourself, it must be an invisible pressure.
Or maybe the daughter's family economic conditions are better than her son's, holding the psychology of "the capable person works more", anyway, it will not shake the daughter's life foundation, and there is not much pressure on the psychology.
4, the son is not reliable.
The daughter is good at talking, but also more considerate and caring about her parents, even if the parents ask to do something, run empty, will not be accused and questioned by the daughter. In this matter, the son is not good, always impatient attitude, and the kind of temper that explodes without saying three words.
Therefore, if the son can be more reliable, he will not find his daughter with some things, or even if the son is not doing his job, idle, drunk and gambling.
I can't figure out my life, I can't figure it out, and I don't have the leisure and energy to manage myself. There is also the possibility of not seeing the son, not being able to contact the son, every day the dragon sees the beginning and the end, the phone is either turned off or busy, and the parents are not given the opportunity to open their mouths.
Therefore, in addition to the eccentricity of parents, there are also these objective factors, but too much love for the son is often the main cause. I don't want to cause trouble for my son, considering his finances, life, situation, health, etc., in turn, I am a random supporter for my daughter.
In fact, the daughter is a sweet little cotton jacket, which is not a false word, thoughtful, careful and patient.
In addition, from a certain point of view, women are more dominant than men, many things, in the end, women have the final say, men do not dare to show any dissatisfaction. Or for the sake of family harmony and ease, if you can not quarrel, try not to quarrel.
However, parents still have to try to level a bowl of water, emotionally biased, in matters, try to maintain objectivity and fairness. Otherwise, the daughter's heart will also feel wronged, and then the grievance will be transformed into dissatisfaction with her brother (brother), resulting in the breakdown of the relationship.
What to do, we must learn to make up for it, balance the relationship between children, and whether there is harmony and harmony between brothers and sisters depends directly on the parents, to see how the parents do things.
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