Author:Xiao Xiaowei (Parents Intensive Reading Author)
Yesterday I saw a news item on the People's Daily Weibo.
A mother opened her child's school bag and pulled out all sorts of tattered volumes, scattered pieces of paper, and a fifth-grade Chinese textbook with a broken cover.
When she saw that the title page of the Chinese textbook read, "The goal is Tsinghua and Peking University," the mother in the video said:
"Usually I don't obey at all, and then, the goal is still so ambitious, oh, I can't believe it."
I can't see my mother's face in the video, but I can hear the tone with a little relaxed smile, more surprise.
Because the child is usually not obedient at all, and the school bag is messy, the books are not well cared for, the rolls and paper are confiscated and picked up, but the target is Tsinghua and Peking University, so the mother said she couldn't believe it.
At the end of the video, the child sits at the table, crossed his feet, holding a pen, looking at the book, a hanging look, but a serious look.
This is a big contrast with what my mother said about "usually not obedient at all", isn't this a serious reading?
When I was a child, everyone would feel that their future was shining and that the future could be expected.
Think about our elementary school to write "my ideal" essay, most of them want to be doctors, teachers, police, scientists, astronauts, etc., although many people can not achieve, but we do not all come with dreams?
Good parents know that encouragement is one of the most effective ways to motivate their children to progress.
Every child wants to be supported, encouraged, and appreciated, and after being appreciated and encouraged, the child will work harder, will do things better, and will be more successful in the future.
Don't underestimate the power of encouragement
The famous Taiwanese writer Sanmao once wrote in "The Battle of a Lifetime":
"The greatest sorrow of my life is not to earn the whole world, but to please appreciate me."
This you are her father.
Later, her father saw the article and wrote: "I am very touched and deeply proud that there is such a grass around me." ”
Sanmao burst into tears and replied: "Waiting for your words, I have waited for a lifetime, until today you said it yourself, only to erase my inferiority and weakness in this family that I can never erase." ”
Writer Sanmao
There are too many children in this world like Sanmao, because when they are young, they cannot get the approval and encouragement of their parents, they will be confused and wandering, and eventually they will be labeled as having no confidence and no performance.
In 1968, the American psychologist Rosenthal conducted an experiment on a rural elementary school.
They conducted a "future development test" that was careful, and then randomly circled the names of several students, told the teacher that the students were very high and intelligent, and asked the teacher to keep it confidential.
A few months later, the re-examination found that these selected students really not only made significant progress in their grades, but also had a strong desire to learn.
This was later named "authoritative lie" by Rosenthal, who was authoritative to the teacher and authoritative to the student.
For most children, parents are their first authority. The recognition and affirmation of parents will profoundly affect the child's life.
The famous psychologist Alver Red said: Encouragement and praise are more important than any aspect in the process of raising children.
Encouragement, it can give people confidence, give people courage, give people the courage to move forward... It can be said that both children and adults like and want to be encouraged by others.
So don't underestimate the power of encouragement. Good kids are encouraged.
Encouragement requires the right approach
The famous Japanese educator Suzuki Jinichi said that for the education of children, parents must first strive to cultivate their children's abilities in all aspects with love and enthusiasm, and learn to encourage and appreciate their children.
Therefore, it is important to master the correct method of encouragement.
First, encouraging children requires positive language.
The day before yesterday, the classmates had dinner, and the three-year-old daughter of the classmate rushed to help serve the dishes.
Seeing that the child was a little shaky, she said, "Mother believes in you, your little hands will be flat and smoothly put the dishes well", and sure enough, the child pays more attention to the plate in his hand and happily puts the plate.
If the classmates at that time said loudly, "Don't shake, don't spill the dish" or something like that, it is very likely that the child really shook his hand and spilled the dish out!
Mr. Tao Xingzhi once said that there is Watt under your whip, Newton in your cold eyes, and Edison in your ridicule.
Every child is a potential Maxima, and good parents are like Bole, good at using positive, positive language to encourage children to stand out.
When the child behaves well, use specific language to encourage him to "not be afraid of difficulties", "serious attitude", "diligent" and so on.
When the child makes a mistake, use more positive language to help him: "It doesn't matter if you make a mistake once, you know how to correct it or you are still a good child." ”
Second, encouraging children requires parents to set an example
Privet teachers belong to the post-60s generation and come from remote rural areas.
Although she graduated from junior high school, she went from a rural woman to a self-media writing training instructor, with a stable monthly writing fee, and achieved financial freedom; in 2021, she also took the undergraduate examination.
She is still a mother of xueba, the eldest daughter and the second daughter are doctors, the son is a 211 university graduate, and the aunt and daughter-in-law are graduate students.
5 of the 6 children are scientific researchers, all of whom are the middle-level backbone of their respective units.
There is a popular saying on the Internet: "Third-rate parents are nannies, second-rate parents are coaches, and first-class parents are role models." ”
The best parents are always role models for their children. Strive to establish a good image for your children, lead by example, and want to teach your children what you want to do first.
The power of example for parents has the greatest impact on children. As a parent, don't live a ridiculous life by yourself, and also require your children to achieve success.
Finally, encourage the child to accept everything about the child.
After reading a news, a mother saw the child's test paper, not noticed that the child did 19 of the 20 questions correctly, but kept a close eye on the wrong question, and kept asking the child why she was wrong.
If parents want to help their children improve and always focus on their shortcomings, it will make the child lose self-confidence.
Imagine if someone was always reminding you to remember your flaws, would you still have confidence?
Encourage children to accept everything about their children, including their shortcomings.
As a parent, we must fully realize that it is normal and inevitable for children to have some problems in the process of growing up.
First of all, we must affirm the good side of the child, and then encourage and help the child to find a way to correct it, so that the child feels that the mistake should be corrected and the mistake can be corrected.
Let the child feel the love of encouragement
The day before yesterday, my two-year-old daughter XiaoYi woke up from her nap and got out of bed, walked to the study, smiled and said to me, "Mom, I woke up." This is the first time!
I hugged and kissed her hard, affirming her very seriously: when you woke up, you didn't cry, you didn't lose your temper, you didn't fear not seeing your mother, you really grew up, oh, you will take care of yourself.
Finally, I encouraged her to say that mom loves you and hopes that you will continue to take care of yourself in the future.
With my approval and encouragement, she ate dinner quickly and cleanly, played by herself after the meal, and I could also free my hands to do housework.
The book "Positive Discipline" says: "When the message of love is passed on to children, they will not only be able to achieve positive results, but also experience more happiness." ”
As children grow up day by day, they begin to care about the evaluations and opinions of others, and begin to encounter doubts, ridicule and misunderstandings, but if they can always get their parents to support and encourage themselves, the child's heart will be rich.
When you encourage your child positively, your child's self-confidence has a steady stream of sources, making your child more confident and full of happiness, which is the best way to express your love for your child.
Therefore, parents encourage their children positively, and children can feel full of love from them, can happily adhere to the "ideal" things in the eyes of their parents, and become more and more excellent and more successful.
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