Girls, when was the last time you had a fight with your husband?
5 minutes ago? Yesterday? Or last week?
Surveys have shown that a couple will quarrel 189 times a year, an average of once every 2 days.
Quarrels are not terrible, which shows that they are still very close to each other, much better than having nothing to say.
But quarrelling is a technical job.
Quarrel well, the more noisy the more loving;
If the noise is not good, it may really disperse.
Usually, the mentality of men and women after quarrels is completely different.
You say angry people are not angry people?
Quarrel, we have to pay attention to strategy.
It is necessary to achieve their own goals, not to let themselves be hurt internally, but also not to hurt the feelings of husband and wife.
Today, for the girls to present a unique "Husband and Wife Quarrel Raiders", it is recommended to collect:
Nothing is created
As the name suggests, what is not said is that there is.
Applicable scene: the husband is silent, when you have nowhere to send the fire
When you passionately "shell" your husband and he doesn't say a word, is there a sense of frustration when your fist hits the cotton?
At this time, you can use the trick of "making something out of nothing" to force the other party to speak.
Whatever he did, he was looking for stubble to "wrongfully" him, until he couldn't stop talking.
If he is annoyed with you, you will say with a pear blossom and rain:
"When I was chasing me, I rushed to talk to me, and now I think I talk a lot, I'm so pitiful, whining..."
I don't believe he won't surrender.
The bottom of the cauldron draws salaries
As the name suggests, only by taking away the firewood at the bottom of the pot and breaking the source of the fire can the "boiling" be effectively stopped.
Applicable scene: when you are strong and straight
As the saying goes, to hit a snake is to hit seven inches.
In an argument, you have to hold on to the other party's "key point" in order to fundamentally solve the problem.
The husband of the colleague is an old smoker, originally she and her husband stipulated that smoking must go out, can not be in the house, otherwise found once will be fined 200 yuan.
But this trick did not work for his husband, he still often secretly smoked in the bathroom and balcony, for this matter the two people did not quarrel less.
It seems that the fine is insignificant for the husband, so the colleague thought of a way to "draw salary from the bottom of the pot":
Once found, I threw away his cigarette once.
The fine was useless to him, and losing his cigarette would make him feel heartache.
Since then, the husband of the colleague has never dared to smoke at home, and the two have avoided many quarrels.
Bitter meat count
As the name suggests, by showing one's own weakness, one stimulates one's compassion and desire for protection.
Applicable scenario: When the two sides are deadlocked
Whether the bitter meat meter can be implemented successfully depends on the level of the bitter meat meter.
According to a joint British-American survey, each couple spends an average of 40 minutes a day arguing over chores.
The problem of housework distribution is an important reason for many couples to quarrel.
When you and your husband have an argument over who washes the dishes and who mops the floor, you can try the "bitter meat meter".
Like what:
"I'm on holiday, I can't touch the cold water, otherwise I'll have stomachache."
"My waist hurts so badly these days, and the plaster is useless."
If you pass the acting skill, you can also come to something more "fierce".
Some time ago, colleague Lingling and her husband quarreled over the problem of who went downstairs to pick up the courier.
The husband still refused to give in, and Lingling took the mobile phone charging cable to threaten her husband:
"Do you believe I electrocuted myself?"
When the husband saw her posture, he couldn't help but laugh, took the charging cable from his wife's hand, and teased:
"Are you sure this will electrocute you?"
Ling Ling also broke into laughter, and the quarrel between the two people ended here.
Note: Bitter meat meter is not to really "self-harm", "self-harm" is the most stupid way to vent.
Anti-customer for the Lord
As the name suggests, we need to change from passive to active and take control of the situation.
Applicable scenario: when you do something wrong and make sense of your loss
How to change from passive to active?
Take up our advantageous "weapon" - spoiling + showing weakness, which is our natural advantage as a woman.
He talks to us about logic, we talk to him about feelings.
In terms of anti-customer-oriented, his friend Xiao Lu used this trick to the fullest.
In the last month of 2021, she made a great decision to win this month's $200 attendance award.
In order to achieve this goal, she asked her husband to ride an electric car in the morning to send her to the company first, and then go to work himself.
Once, she forgot to clock in after work and came home to remember.
In order not to give up, her husband took her mobile phone and rode an electric car to the vicinity of the company to punch in.
Just when she was determined to win, on the 31st, she rushed to dinner with her colleagues after work, but forgot to punch in and remembered the next day.
After her husband learned of this news, he beat his chest in anger, blamed her for not being successful enough to fail, and threatened: "I will never work hard for your attendance award anymore!" ”
Xiao Lu knew that this matter was all thanks to herself, but when she saw her husband angry, she was even more angry.
At this time, how to "turn defeat into victory"?
Xiao Lu cried with tears in her eyes and complained to her husband:
"People originally wanted to take the attendance award to take you to see two movies, and they didn't dare to sleep for an extra minute in the morning, but now that the plan is in vain, people are already very sad, you don't comfort people, and they come to complain about me, which is even more sad than I can't get the full attendance award!" 」
When her husband looked at her aggrieved look, his anger suddenly dissipated for the most part, and even comforted her:
"Forget it, let's not miss this 200 yuan, go, take you to the movies."
Seeing that there is no, only by retreating is advancing, and winning the strong with "weak" can we stand in an invincible position.
Go up to the top
As the name suggests, if you can't argue, you can run, and if you use it well, you can achieve the purpose of reversing the disadvantage.
Usage scenario: When you can't argue with each other
Being able to run is also a skill, and when the husband prefers to die unyieldingly and always refuses to be soft, he can take this trick.
When you have cried and complained about your grievances, don't stupidly pack up your clothes and leave, it doesn't matter to others.
You don't know how many men are expecting their daughters-in-law to hurry back to their mother's house, and they can just let go of themselves.
Call on friends, eat, drink and have fun.
Next time you run away from home, remember to do this:
1. Quietly change the password of the WIFI and computer at home first
2. Take his ID card and bank card
3. Take away his phone charger and house door key
4. Take away the remote control of the TV and air conditioner at home
5. Leave a few coins, enough for him to pick you up for the bus fare
It won't be long before he takes the initiative to pick you up.
Remember: give the steps down, see good we will receive.
Old husbands and wives are in love and kill each other, in addition to the above five tricks, quarrels also need to follow the following:
3. No
No involvement of the family
The two quarreled, and the bedside quarreled over the end of the bed.
However, if you implicate your family as soon as you open your mouth and scold the other family member, it will cause secondary harm and may cause an impact that cannot be eliminated.
Remember: Don't implicate your family.
Do not reveal the other person's scars
There is a saying that the closer the person is, the more he knows where the knife hurts the most.
Scolding people does not expose shortcomings, and hitting people does not punch people in the face.
If he doesn't listen to the advice to fail, you can scold him for being too stubborn and has poor vision.
But you can't mock him: Like your father, you will only lose, you will be a bag.
Husbands and wives quarrel, the most taboo to carry out personal attacks and expose.
Those angry words when the emotions are out of control are like a sharp knife poking at each other's key points, full of lethality, and will cause irreparable scars to each other's relationship.
Remember: Do not expose or make personal attacks
Don't talk about divorce
Quarrels are quarrels, and we can't mention divorce without moving.
A person who has been "threatened" with divorce for a long time will one day give up his efforts and the marriage will break up.
If you feel that the quarrel is too tired, or want to live in harmony and beauty, if you do not quarrel or make trouble, you must keep in mind two guidelines.
It's you vs the problem, not you vs him
Try to communicate in a "nonviolent communication" mode
At the heart of nonviolent communication is expressing one's own needs rather than venting one's emotions.
Specific modes:
Truthfully describe the facts + say your feelings + explain the reason + say a clear and unambiguous request
For example, if your husband always comes home too late from drinking, you can say something like this:
This week, you have four or five days after 12 o'clock, come back with a drink. (Describe the facts)
I felt particularly disappointed and sad. (Say how you feel)
Because I think this place is like a hotel, I hope you can come back earlier, accompany the children to do games, and our family will have a meal together and chat, which is like a home. (Explain the reason)
Can you have four or five days a week in the future, come back before 8 o'clock, and spend more time with your children and me? (State specific requirements)
Finally, I want to remind the girls not to be afraid to quarrel in front of the children, but not to lose control of emotions, shout or throw things.