Li Li, 7 years old, has been afraid of life since childhood, afraid of going to strange occasions. As long as the lights are turned off at night at home, Li Li does not dare to get out of bed, and she does not dare to walk alone, and she does not sleep well at night, always having nightmares.
Xiaoyu, 3 years old, always hovers at the door every time he goes to kindergarten, no matter how his parents and teachers coax him to enter the kindergarten, he chants "I want to go home" in his mouth, and his emotions cannot be calmed down for a long time.
Junjun, 9 years old, loves cleanliness and hygiene since childhood, and the toys at home always have to be neatly placed. When doing homework, you have to check it several times, especially when you take the exam, you are always afraid of doing it wrong.
- Common manifestations of anxiety in children
What is anxiety?
Anxiety is a subjective experience that arises from anticipating some negative events in the future that you cannot cope with, accompanied by physiological responses and changes in external behavior.
In other words, anxiety is the fear that you will not be able to cope with it when faced with uncertain things.
Such worried emotions will urge us to pick up our spirits, take action, and find ways to solve problems.
The meaning of anxiety is that it allows us to survive in dangerous and stressful environments.
In the process of growing up, we will inevitably face various problems, such as new environment adaptation, pressure to go to school, social difficulties, job transfers, relationship conflicts, etc. It is normal to feel anxious when facing these problems.
But if we continue to have high-intensity anxiety and there is no suitable way to alleviate it, we will have physical and psychological problems.
Unlike adults, identifying children's anxieties has always been a difficult problem and is extremely easy to ignore.
Many times children do not directly say "I am anxious" or "I am afraid".
Younger children may not know how to express their emotions, or may not express them clearly. Older children may be afraid to explain for fear that their parents do not understand.
When children are unable to express anxiety in words, they usually manifest themselves in certain special forms.
A signal of anxiety
Parents should be vigilant when they find that their children have the following situations.
1. Body Signals
When a child feels unwell, parents may first react by taking them to the hospital.
But there is often a case where after taking it to the hospital for examination, the doctor says there is no problem. Some parents may feel that it is okay to feel that it is okay, and it is just uncomfortable at once; some parents may think that the child is exaggerating, lying, and saying two sentences is not taken to heart.
If the child often has headaches, dizziness, abdominal pain, difficulty breathing, nausea and vomiting, tiredness and fatigue and other uncomfortable feelings, parents should pay attention.
Because this discomfort is likely to be caused by psychological factors. Pay attention to some of the things that have happened to your child recently.
Because in addition to the subjective experience of uneasiness, anxiety is usually accompanied by many physiological reactions, such as: rapid heartbeat, rapid breathing, sweating, muscle tension, etc. Long-term anxiety can cause physical discomfort.
Especially for children with poor language skills, observing their body signals is an effective means.
2. Emotional signals
When your child feels stressed, they are likely to have the following emotional signals:
● Fear and fear
● Restless and moody
● Anger and irritability, and even aggressive behavior
● Crying for no reason
● Too sensitive
For children, the distinction between emotions may not be yet mature. So he probably just felt very uncomfortable in his heart and felt stressed, but he didn't know exactly what the emotion was, what it was because of.
So they may show nervousness and fear; they may lose their temper, quarrel with adults, and even have violent behaviors such as dropping things; they may become very sensitive and cry easily.
Seeing the child's sudden emotional reaction, the parent who does not understand may show boredom or accuse the child of not understanding things.
But in fact, at this time, it is more necessary for parents to be patient and pay attention to when and why children have such emotions and behaviors.
Taking the initiative to understand the reasons behind the child's emotional changes helps parents to truly understand the child's heart and help the child better solve the problem of anxiety.
3. Behavioral Signals
●Bedwetting, especially in children who have passed bedwetting age
In a clinical study of the link between bedwetting and anxiety disorders in children aged 7 to 17 years, it was found that children who wet beds developed anxiety disorders more frequently than in the healthy group.
● Refuse daily activities, such as school or other social activities
The child could have gone to school normally, but suddenly one day he did not want to go to school, and when he went to school, he said that his stomach hurt, but he was fine at home; or the interest class he liked suddenly did not want to go. This is likely to be a manifestation of the child's anxiety.
● Difficulty concentrating
Stress and anxiety can distract children, and they may have difficulty concentrating on what they have at hand, making it difficult to complete some homework or chores that would otherwise be easy to complete.
●Ritual behavior or specific repetitive behavior
For example, before sleeping, the toys should be arranged in a certain order, the order should be fixed when eating, and the number of grids on the road should be repeatedly counted. It is these seemingly repetitive useless behaviors that, once not done or done wrong (such as disordered order, less or more times), the child will feel very anxious, and it is likely to be repeated over and over again until it is satisfied.
●Difficulty eating or sleeping
Over a period of time, your child may have a good appetite or not want to eat at all; sleepwalking, nightmares, and other situations may occur while sleeping.
Children have anxiety, how can parents help?
1. Understand your child's feelings and express support
Understanding how the child feels means that the parent can acknowledge and respect the child's emotions and understand the difficulties of the problems the child faces.
But understanding this does not mean that children can avoid problems and not solve them.
Parents can share their past events and experiences with their children. Let the child know that the problems they are facing now are actually available to most people and can be solved. At the same time, express confidence in your child's problem-solving skills and can help if needed.
Parents can say something like this:
"You're not the only one who feels that way."
"I know it's hard."
"It's going to pass."
"How can I help?" /What do you need me to do? ”
2. Discover your child's success and praise your child
Anxiety can make children's performance fluctuate, sometimes their anxiety will be severe, sometimes it will be alleviated.
Parents can find that when their children successfully tolerate anxiety and improve their behavior, even if only a little.
When found, you can talk to your child about his/her success, give timely praise for your child's efforts, and improve your child's confidence in overcoming anxiety.
"You did a great job at school today and I'm so proud of you!"
"You're so brave! How did you do it? ”
3. Work with your child to make a plan to cope with anxiety
When the child feels nervous, parents may instinctively meet the child's needs and avoid contact with things that can cause anxiety, such as sleeping with children who are afraid of the dark, talking to the child in social situations, allowing the child not to go to school, and so on.
Although this behavior can soothe the child's anxiety in the short term, in the long run, the more the child avoids contact with the source of anxiety, the more serious his/her anxiety will be.
What parents have to do is to take the initiative to guide their children to gradually contact their own anxiety.
By actively communicating with children about what they are worried about, they can gradually understand that their fears may not be necessary and gradually eliminate anxiety.
Of course, this will be difficult at the beginning, and some children may be reluctant to say it or be resistant, so parents can ask a professional for help if necessary.
"What's the first thing we need to worry about?"
"Let's learn a little more about this thing you're afraid of."
"If you think you're a monster, what would it look like?"
4. Encourage your child to learn how to manage anxiety
Appropriate anxiety levels are also conducive to completing tasks and improving work and learning efficiency, but excessive anxiety will affect our normal daily life, so parents need to teach their children the right way to manage anxiety.
"Sometimes worrying is useful."
"Close your eyes and imagine that we are in a safe, warm, happy place." (Imagining can help them relieve pain and anxiety)
"Take a deep breath with me." (Parent demonstration, leading children to regulate breathing together)
5. Seek professional help to determine the treatment plan
A professional psychiatrist can determine if your child has an anxiety disorder and what type of treatment is needed.
In addition to medication, psychotherapy is an effective way to treat anxiety disorders in children. Psychotherapy for general anxiety disorders involves allowing children to increase exposure to anxiety-related things and situations, as well as learning how to manage anxiety.
May every child have a happy and joyful childhood.