How did my son get into Peking University?
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Strange on the cold sun
In the 2020 college entrance examination, my son was admitted to the School of Earth and Space Sciences of Peking University with the first place in Quanrizhao City. At the beginning of the announcement of the college entrance examination results, colleagues, friends, relatives, etc. strongly asked me to share with them the experience of raising children. The reason why I have not completed the task so far is really not because of modesty, but because I feel that I really can't summarize any experience to learn from.
The main reason why I can't summarize the experience is that I have too little time to accompany my children and I am not careful enough. Under normal circumstances, as a father, my concern for my children's learning and life is far less than that of mothers, and I myself have not done enough. However, as an excellent student, the father is not excellent, and there are still some experiences.
First of all, I would like to state that I am not an expert in education or a scholar of theoretical research, but only a father of a child. Therefore, the writing process is not limited by any system framework, and even the organization is not very strong. At the same time, what is described in the article is different from the mother's summary of the child's training experience, and even more different from the child's own learning experience sharing, but it is only a true record of the father's personal inner thoughts and feelings.
It is undeniable that the excellence recognized by the current Chinese-style education mainly refers to the excellent academic performance of children most of the time. However, I have always believed that there are many criteria for judging whether a child is excellent, and excellent academic performance is only one of them, and it is definitely not the most important, at most it is a more important criterion.
In the process of growing up with my children, I gradually realized some of the more important places, which can be briefly summarized as "four important".
Family style inheritance is very important
Family style and family training are a big topic in society, and I dare not discuss it casually. Here I just say that a family has a good family style, and the significance and role of educating children is huge and far-reaching. Statements such as "only unqualified parents, no unqualified children" and "parents need to hold a certificate of competency" sound too extreme, but in fact there is a certain truth.
We often hear that "children can't lose on the starting line", and where this "starting line" is, most people seem to say it is not clear. Personally, I think that "good family style and positive parents" is the best "starting line" for children. The positive energy accumulated by the harmony and cooperation of both parents supports the platform for children to develop towards higher and farther goals. The stronger and bigger the platform, the smoother and longer the child will fly.
A person's life has to go through a lot of schools and receive a lot of education. There is no doubt that the family is the child's first school and the parents are the child's first teachers. In the modern Chinese family, whether it is an only child, a two-child or three-child family, the cognitive level of the parents and even grandparents and maternal grandparents plays a decisive role in the cognitive ability of the child. The cognitive level of parents is not high, and it is difficult to cultivate and improve children's cognitive ability. This phenomenon can be seen everywhere in our daily lives, but it is not easy to illustrate it specifically.
The personal image of the parents and the impact on the child are also immeasurable. A father who speaks rudely certainly cannot teach a civilized and kind son; a mother who behaves badly certainly cannot teach a daughter who is dignified and dignified. It is hard to imagine what would be the effect if parents played mobile phones and games unscrupulously in front of their children all day, and also strongly demanded that their children study and do homework without distraction. There is also a phenomenon that is difficult to comment on, some parents themselves when they were young, their family conditions were very good, but they dropped out of school early, and even failed to graduate from middle school normally, but they thought about getting their children into double-first-class universities all day long. The idea is definitely good, the wish is also very happy, but it may be more errorous to achieve.
Parents' cognition affects children, parents' words and deeds affect children, and parents' evaluation of children also affects children. Some parents often take the extreme evaluation of their children, either completely affirming or denying, which is actually not advisable. Every child has both advantages and disadvantages, and the most correct attitude of parents is to point out the advantages to guide the children to continue to develop, and analyze the shortcomings to help the children correct them.
Needless to say, parents also have both advantages and disadvantages. Once, my son, who was in elementary school, asked me very seriously, "Dad, you often teach me to learn from you." Something like drinking too much last night and almost slipping under the desk, do I want to learn it? I was gagged for a moment, but I couldn't answer and couldn't do it, so I had to harden my scalp and say, "Can't learn!" Because that's a flaw in Dad. I want you to learn from dad, to learn from his strengths. For Dad's shortcomings, you can not only not follow the learning, but also point out in time to help Dad correct. Then I used the principle of "taking its essence and removing its dross" to enlighten my son, so that he understood that learning from anyone should give full play to its strengths and abandon its weaknesses, and could not accept it all. Although my son was not convinced at the time, he reluctantly agreed with my statement. Of course, then again, since then, I've paid more attention to my usual image in my son's eyes.
Mental health is important
Modern people generally recognize the importance of physical health. In fact, health contains many factors, in terms of psychology, physiology, IQ, emotional intelligence, etc., I think mental health should be put first.
Mental health children are specifically manifested as "thinking and analyzing", thinking thoughtfully about problems without being one-sided, seeing problems without being extreme, having a peaceful attitude towards people and not being angry, and thinking clearly without being vague.
When encountering setbacks, mental health children can face them calmly and calmly, without being depressed or even depressed; when facing difficulties, mental health children can find ways to overcome them, without fearing difficulties or even helpless; when accepting tasks, mental health children can take the initiative to take responsibility, without prevaricating or even passing on others; when arguing with others, mental health children can correctly evaluate each other, without thinking that they are even enemies.
In addition, I personally believe that for a child to achieve true mental health, it should also include political mental health. The criterion of political mental health is simply "patriotism and love for the party", which is not an empty political slogan, but a reality that must be faced. If we have distractions because our country lags behind other countries in some respects, if we talk about corruption in some areas because our ruling party is corrupt in some areas, the moral character of such a child is flawed. From the time my son was sensible until now, I have put political character education before all discipline education. After entering Peking University, on the basis of successively winning the "National Scholarship" and "Three Good Student Pacesetters", my son actively pursued progress ideologically and politically, successfully ran for class president, entered the student union, submitted an application to join the party in the first semester of his freshman year and was identified by the organization as an active member of the party, and became the development object of cpc members in the first semester of his sophomore year.
(Peking University student Qin Hao led the dance)
Most of the child's physical health problems are innate or unconscious, while mental health problems are often caused by the influence of the original family or the lack of education. As parents, we should attach great importance to the mental health education of our children and go all out to shape a child who is physically and mentally healthy.
After a midterm exam in junior high school, my son told me that so-and-so in my class had cheated on a math test. Next, we had the following conversation between father and son.
Me: "How do you know he cheated?" ”
Son: "Of course I know, he copied me!" ”
Me: "Oh, you deliberately let him copy it?" Or did he beg you to copy it? ”
Son: "Neither." I sat in the front row of him, he secretly copied it, and it wasn't until I found out that the exam was almost over. ”
Me: "Then you don't have to have any burden, he cheats is his business." You just make sure you don't cheat. ”
Son: "I don't cheat myself, but people cheat." If he surpasses me, I won't be the first. What to do? ”
Me: "I don't think this question is worth worrying about. Even if he doesn't cheat, it's normal for his grades to exceed you, because you can't always take the first place; if he surpasses you by cheating, it's just an occasional fluke, which is disgraceful in itself, so what do we still have to do with him? ”
Son: "Oh. ”
Me: "At any time, you have to make sure that you do your part first and make sure that you have no problems." ”
Son: "Got it. ”
Personal image is important
The personal image mentioned here is not equal to the appearance value. The level of appearance is promoted by factors such as genetics, makeup, and beauty, and outsiders should not comment on it at will. Personal image is a comprehensive impression transmitted by a child to outsiders, including speech, behavior, dress, temperament, etc.
Some parents do not know what kind of expert speech is affected by social occasions, and when talking about their children's education, they often involve grade, vision, and pattern, and there are not many desirable points. There are definitely things like "patterns", but they are often formed subtly for a long time, which are invisible and intangible, and even used in underage children are not necessarily accurate. If a child's personal image makes outsiders uncomfortable at first sight, what vision realm and life pattern do you want to talk about?
Children with good personal images talk clearly and unambiguously, use accurate and unambiguous words, complete and do not procrastinate, so that people can understand when they listen; the kind of children who have spoken for half a day and are still difficult to understand, their communication skills are debatable. Children with good personal images stand like standing, sitting, walking, eating, eating, and eating; the kind of children who stand and pull their legs and are still screaming, sitting and not straightening their waists and shaking their knees, walking with a bowed waist and figure eight feet, eating and drinking extremely indecent postures, no matter how high their appearance is, it is not pleasing to the eye. Children with good personal images can dress generously and decently, whether old or new or not; the kind of children who are bright and beautiful but impatient with famous brands can only be said to be inconsistent. Children with good personal images have a solemn look, deep eyes, and elegant temperament, and strangers are happy when they first meet; most of the children who look obscene, blind, and stereotypical and sluggish are not favored.
From the time my son could understand me, he reminded him of his personal image whenever he was in front of me. To illustrate a specific example, the general requirements for standing posture are: look up and chest, straighten your hips and waist, hang your legs down, and put your feet together. From top to bottom, the specific criteria are: the eyes are facing forward, the shoulders are flat, the chest and back must not be convex and bowed, the abdomen and hips are tight and not loose, there must be no gaps between the thighs, the knees must not be bent, the gap between the calves must not be greater than the thickness of a thin book, the heels must be close together, and the angle of the two tips must be about thirty degrees. In addition, sitting, eating, drinking, walking, etc., all have corresponding posture requirements, and will not be repeated.
A good personal image pays off. My son has won many international and domestic dance awards in primary and secondary school, and successfully reached the First Class Standard of Latin Dance Venus when he graduated from primary school. When he first entered the university, he was selected as the backbone of the campus dance team and showed his style at the opening ceremony.
Solemnly declare that I have absolutely no intention of discriminating against some or certain types of children, and that physical disabilities and other issues have nothing to do with personal image. Every child is the treasure of the family, the flower of the motherland, and has a strong plasticity. Every pair of parents is the child's enlightenment teacher, shouldering the arduous task of correcting the child's bad words and deeds and cultivating the child's elegant temperament, and cannot relax at all times from childhood to adulthood.
Good grades are important
For children who are reading, learning is a top priority. Excellent grades are not the first, but they are the most convincing evidence of a child's excellence, which should be generally recognized by the vast majority of parents and teachers.
For the study of daily subjects, the importance of grasping the basics and emphasizing standards is self-evident. The foundation determines the height, the norm determines the breadth, and the details determine the success or failure. In the initial stage, any knowledge point of any subject can not be let go, the accumulated rich basic knowledge is the key to improving their own ability level; whether it is usually doing homework or taking the exam, standardized writing is a must, but "will do" or even the eyes are far from low enough, according to the requirements, in line with the regulations to write out the real level; details can not be underestimated, such as the surface score is more and more valued, the test paper answer does not have to have how high the writing and drawing skills, at least must be neat and standardized.
Some children usually perform well in class, answer the teacher's questions very actively, most of the time understand accurately, answer correctly, but often do not get high scores when it comes to the exam. This involves a question of "test-taking skills", which is the ability to reflect the knowledge learned on the test paper. Test-taking skills are a very delicate thing, and there is only a point that can only be understood by the ineffable meaning, which can only be slowly experienced by each child in the previous examination rooms and the teacher's explanation of the examination papers. Although the question sea tactic is not worth advocating, it is still necessary to do more sets of representative test papers.
There is also the issue of comprehensive development, which involves too much content to be described in detail. For example, to cultivate children's extensive interests, especially in extracurricular reading, not only can broaden the scope of knowledge, but also help to improve composition scores; for example, to enhance children's practical ability, through active participation in meaningful social practice activities to improve the level of organization and coordination; such as to give play to children's literary and sports strengths, motivate children's all-round development, and constantly improve personal comprehensive quality, and so on.
During the child's school period, the teacher's focus is basically on learning. In addition to caring about academic performance, parents should also pay attention to the details of campus life. One day at noon, my son, who has gone to college, left me a WeChat message: Dad, my dorm classmate's wallet is lost, he is likely to suspect the people in the same dormitory, what to do? Below is our chat history, interested friends may wish to read it.
Me: Did you steal it?
Son: Didn't steal.
Me: Do you know who stole it?
Son: I don't know.
Me: That's good! You must remember that at any time and place, we must not have the idea of stealing other people's money and things, and of course we must not have this kind of behavior.
Son: Hmm! What did he suspect?
Me: He suspects it's his own business, it has nothing to do with us. You just have to firmly believe in one principle, the cleanser cleans himself, and the turbid one self-turbid. As long as we didn't steal, it didn't matter how much he suspected.
Son: What do I do next?
Me: First, you have not done bad things, you are not afraid of ghosts knocking on the door, you do not have to feel weak, and you do not have to make more meaningless explanations to others; second, you can kindly remind him to report things to the teacher and see how the teacher handles it; third, learn from others, keep your own belongings, and prevent similar problems from happening to yourself. Dad's advice for your reference, you know?
Son: Hmm.
The above is aimed at the learning and growth of children in the school era. As for the child's job search, work, business, as well as being a person, dealing with the world, doing things, etc. after the child goes from school to society, it is a longer and more complicated process. If your children are not "second generation officials" or "second generation rich people", they need to rely on themselves to cope with and experience them to a large extent. This is beyond the scope of this article, and I really can't say it well if I have mediocre qualifications.
Finally, I would like to reiterate that since it is a family statement, it is only a little experience of immature individuals, and it is certainly not comprehensive and not necessarily correct. Of course it won't work for everyone, not even for most people. Published as one of the series of articles "Heart Road Silk Language", if some parents and friends can resonate after reading it, so as to get some help in the process of educating their children, the purpose of writing this article has been achieved, it is a great blessing. (January 2022)
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