The arrival of new life will make the whole family happy, and the family relationship will also change, the most obvious of which is the relationship between husband and wife.
Gradually, the couple will lose the sweetness of the past, replaced by endless quarrels, resulting in the gradual drifting of the relationship between husband and wife, and even serious questions about the marriage.
When the parent-child relationship overrides the relationship between husband and wife, it is often tragic
In the variety show "Glad to Know You", there is an exploration of what love looks like, and one of the female guests describes life after having children:
When I got home from work, it was nearly nine o'clock, and when I got home, I had to hurry up and coax the children to sleep, basically after this circle, it was already eleven o'clock, and at this time the two of us were playing with our mobile phones in bed, and there was no talk. I think this is a particularly terrible thing, although he will often send me messages, but I often read it to mean that I have returned...
Real on earth! This is the most basic life form and mode of life for most couples who have a career and a family in parallel, without their own time, and they are exhausted after a busy day outside.
The only idea is that the little gap left after the child is asleep, lying on the bed to play with the mobile phone, and then sleeping in peace, repeating day after day, without any expectations, only wishing that there will be no sudden troubles.
From husband and wife to parents, why does life change so much?
The balance of the two-person world is broken
After the birth of the child, it is not just two people who become three people, because to take care of the child, the number of members of the family will continue to increase, including mother-in-law, mother-in-law and nanny.
The more members of the family, the more conflicts will erupt, such as living habits, deviations in parenting concepts, etc., which can easily lead to some small frictions, which will also make the relationship between husband and wife less intimate.
Emotional attention shifts
Whether in love or married, the life of the little two is basically the only one in my eyes, but after having children, especially the mother, will put all the attention on the baby.
Coupled with the fact that the husband is busy with his career, even at home, he spends limited time with the children, so the emotional attention of both people has shifted to the children, and such a change will increase the contradictions between the husband and wife.
Family chores
After the birth of the child, there are more and more things in the family, changing diapers, washing milk powder, washing clothes, cleaning up the room, etc., things take up too much time on both sides, if the baby is not obedient, the double mood will be sensitive, grumpy, easy to lose temper.
Having a baby is a big test of marriage
Can these meticulous attentions really help children grow better? Is it really what children need? The answer is clearly no!
Wang Meng, a master in the United States, accused his parents in the article: Everything about me was arranged by my mother according to her own preferences, and even my friends were known and understood by my parents.
Wang Meng, who grew up in such an arranged environment, will not peel eggs in middle school, and because the university is too introverted and lonely, the teacher said that his "communication is defective and his ability to resist setbacks is poor", and he is forced to resign at work because of poor communication ability and hands-on ability.
Until he consulted a psychologist, he suddenly found that his shortcomings were caused by his parents' excessive control. So he decided to get rid of his parents, follow his heart, and start a new life.
There is an experiment in psychology: many mothers are invited, each of whom is given three cups and a cup of water, and the three cups represent themselves, the child, and the husband, and let them pour this cup of water into three cups.
The results of the experiment were strikingly consistent: the children's cups contained two-thirds of the water, while the water in their own and her husband's cups was very small. Then the psychologist invited my father to do this experiment again, and the results were the same!
From this, psychologists have concluded that in most families in China, the parent-child relationship is above the relationship between husband and wife.
In other words, the child is the center of the family relationship!
From the moment a child is born, our attributes as husbands (wives) quickly weaken, while our attributes as moms and dads quickly become stronger.
That said, in most Chinese families, the importance of children is definitely greater than that of their spouses.
And when the parent-child relationship overrides the husband and wife relationship, it is often the beginning of the tragedy, at this time the family relationship will develop towards a deformed state, and it has to be said that having a baby is a major challenge for marriage.
If in a marriage, everyone only revolves around the children, then the relationship will deteriorate. A healthy marital relationship must be the most important, only if the husband and wife relationship is harmonious, the child can get full of love, and the first person in the marriage is definitely not the child.