Why can't you argue in front of your kids, that's the best answer I've ever seen

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A few days ago, my daughter's kindergarten was doing parent-child activities, and a little boy caught my attention. The children played games around the teacher, and only the little boy leaned alone against the corner, and his two small hands tightly dragged a worn-out bath towel, and stayed quietly in the corner, inexplicably distressed.

Later, I talked to the little boy's mother once: once when she bathed the child, she and her husband quarreled fiercely, and the child grabbed the bath towel and cried all the time. Since then, children have been inseparable from bath towels.

Adults quarrel, but innocent children become "victims".

I once read a psychological survey of 3,000 school-age children, and one of them was: "What are you most afraid of?" The one with the most answers was: I am afraid that my parents will quarrel, and they will quarrel fiercely!

I know that there is a hot topic: husband and wife quarrel, what is the feeling of children? One of the high praises replied: "Every minute is torment, making me want to escape, my parents often quarrel red-faced, and even fight in front of me, so many years later, I am still often awakened by the dreams of my parents arguing." ”

Adult quarrels No matter who wins, it is the child who loses. After having children, the husband and wife quarrel is not only a lose-lose situation for adults, but also a terrifying picture in the eyes of children.

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The harm caused by parental quarrels will accompany the child's life.

The childhood of her friend Xiaomin was spent in the quarrel between her parents. Once her parents quarreled and smashed all the utensils in the kitchen, and in the mess on the ground, her parents took one of her arms and asked her who she was going to talk to...

It was an unhappy memory of her childhood, so much so that she often fell into that shadow when she grew up.

What children want most is actually a normal and harmonious life. In an atmosphere of family disharmony, the child's physical and mental health will be harmed, and it is more likely to have personality defects and psychological problems.

Parents "love and kill each other" in a family full of smoke, and the most hurt is often the child who carries the weight forward. Don't let the ups and downs in your marriage destroy the happiness of the next generation.

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The best example a parent can give to a child is to love each other. Because children will pay great attention to the emotional interaction between parents, and use this as a basis for judging whether the family environment is safe.

The marriage of Qian Zhongshu and Yang Dai still has reference significance until now. Qian Zhongshu once gave Yang Dai a highest evaluation: "The most virtuous wife, the most talented woman." When Yang Dai woke up in a foreign morning, a small table was already propped up on the bed, Qian Zhongshu boiled eggs, heated milk, and baked bread, Yang Dai said happily: "This is the most fragrant breakfast I have ever eaten." ”

Such a warm life allows their children to know what happiness is from an early age.

However, even if you love a couple, occasional disputes may be inevitable. When quarrels are inevitable, how can we minimize the harm to the child?

First of all, try not to argue in front of your child. I dare not imagine how helpless a minor child would be in the face of the scene of his parents arguing. Couples' negative emotions need to be vented, but don't let the quarrel develop to an uncontrollable level, and if possible, try to avoid children.

Second, if the child inadvertently sees a parent arguing, explain it to him or her. Children are actually very sensitive, and many children become particularly sensible after their parents quarrel. If the child sees it, don't deliberately hide it, and naturally tell the child that the parents have different opinions and the voice may be a little loud. Of course, it is best for couples to talk well, and many times the problems that can be solved by communication will become worse because of quarrels.

Third, tell your child that it's not his fault that the fight is not his fault. There is a passage in the movie "Heartbeat" about how to deal with her parents after arguing: Julie is sad to see her parents arguing at the dinner table, and later in Julie's room, her parents come to comfort her. Dad told Julie ," and Mom said, "There will be a solution to the adult thing, and Mom and Dad will always be in love and love you." Julie quickly walked out of her sad mood and felt that she loved her parents more.

A harmonious and loving home is the best gift for children. Children are meant to be loved, not to hurt, and may every child be treated with tenderness.

(Editor-in-Charge: Li Donghai)