Wen | Fan Deng read a book fat sea
Source | Fan Deng Reading(ID:readingclub_btfx)
What kind of marriage parents create, what kind of children will be harvested.
——Xuan Xuan's mother
What is the difference between a child who grows up in a family where parents love each other and those who don't?
There is a high praise answer on the Internet:
The former, it is easy to make friends, but also always confident and optimistic, seeing the world is full of sunshine.
The latter, on the other hand, always feel that life is not interesting, and cannot feel warmth for a long time, so the personality becomes sensitive and suspicious.
Unfortunate families are varied, and happy families are mostly inseparable from the love of their parents.
Parents are the trimmers of the child's appearance; the child is the wall of light and shadow of the parent's marriage.
Whether marriage is good or not, just look at your children.
1
Shakespeare said, "The appearance of the outside is actually a mirror of the inner world." ”
The path a man takes will be hidden in his countenance, especially the child.
Every child looks different, but if you look closely, you will find that some children look dark and their brows are wrinkled; others are radiant and radiant.
In fact, the "phase" of the child projects exactly what the parents' marriage looks like.
A friend once recommended a movie called "Heartbeat".
Friends said that anyone who has seen this movie will like Julie, a 7-year-old girl whose smile is as beautiful as a rainbow.
Later, when I watched this movie, I was also instantly fascinated by Julie at the beginning: a bright and warm smile, clear eyes.
Even if Julie grows up, she is not beautiful, but her demeanor is still dazzling.
Bi Shumin once said:
"The carving of the heart is a sharper knife than the doctor's scalpel, and only the brightness of the heart can nourish the long-lasting pleasing to the eye."
I think Julie is the one who "has a bright heart and a light in her eyes."
How to become such a person?
The trick is four words: "Parents love each other".
Julie's family is not rich, and life is also chai rice oil and salt, ordinary chores. However, the hardships of life did not affect the feelings of Julie's parents in the slightest.
Julie's mother can understand her father's hardships, and her father is looking at her mother's every eye, and she is full of love.
Beauty depends on heredity, personality depends on edification, and the child's face is the barometer of the parents' marriage.
If you fall in love, parents will have heartfelt pleasure, every day eyebrows and smiles, children will naturally be infected by such emotions;
If parents always frown and often have bitter hatred, it is difficult for children to have upturned corners of their mouths and glowing eyes.
I think that those children with sunny faces, their parents are not necessarily very good-looking, but they must be very in love.
2
The educator Spencer said, "Barbarism produces barbarism, and benevolence produces benevolence, and this is the truth." ”
In the documentary "Mirror" filmed by CCTV, there is a 14-year-old boy named Zeqing,
He dropped out of school at home, spent all day surfing the Internet, beat up his mother, and even picked up a knife.
Why would a son dare to do this?
Zeqing described the relationship between her parents in this way, "My mother is short-tempered and harsh-spoken, and in the end, she is right. When my dad couldn't solve it, he would use violence. ”
You see, irritability, violence, indifference, and resentment are the ways Zeqing's parents get along.
He was grumpy like his parents and learned to treat his mother the way he was a father.
Every unhappy child has a trace to follow.
Parents are irritable and violent, and children learn violent communication methods;
Parents are cold and depressed, and children will feel inferior and cower;
Parents do not give in to each other, and children are easy to blame and difficult to trust.
Loveless marriage, infinite hurt.
And if parents love, children are often full of optimism and friendship.
I once saw the story of netizen @莔莔 on Zhihu.
The parents of the tuna are both conductors, and they are very loving when they gather less and more.
The children are all grown up, but the father will still lead the mother across the street and will try to accompany the mother to every place.
And the mother, in front of the father, is always like a child who does not grow up, and the tone of her voice is full of coddling.
They have lived together for a decade or twenty years, without even arguing in the true sense of the word, and laughter is the daily routine of their lives:
"My dad watched us frolicking, and to save me, he would come and carry my mom away."
"They often have poor mouths, and they all end up with my mother being spoiled."
Growing up in such a family atmosphere, she called herself:
"I grew up laughing, so my nickname is Sweetie."
"Kids love to play with me."
"You can't hate someone for a long time, and if you don't have a long time, you will only remember what is good for me, and you will instinctively forget those hates." 」
It is said that the way children initially learn to treat others is the way parents get along.
If parents get along well, children will be warm.
Parents are like lips and swords, and children are fiercely thundering.
So try to love your partner, even if you don't, learn to respect.
Because your marriage model is the main course of children's treatment of others.
Wang Fengyi, an educator in the Republic of China, once said such a thing:
A woman came to me with a child in her arms and asked, "How do you see my child?" ”
I said, "It's funny, you and your own noodles, your own mixed stuffing, wrapped dumplings, I don't know what kind of noodles and what stuffing?" ”
Yes, every child is born is a blank piece of paper, and everything in the later stage depends on how the parents knead it.
You pass on love to the child, and the child will naturally love; if you hand the contradiction to the child, the child will naturally hurt.
In the TV series "The Amazing Girl", Shen Siyi's parents often quarrel.
But the terrible thing is that in order to save the broken marriage, the mother knows that Shen Siyi is allergic to kiwifruit, but forces Shen Siyi to eat kiwi fruit, completely disregarding Shen Siyi's psychology and body.
The father will also be dissatisfied with his mother, and angrily accuse Shen Siyi: "You are like your mother, always talking unpleasant." ”
This marriage without love, left to Shen Siyi when she grew up, is all "unbelievable love, never expected marriage." ”
As Susan Foward says:
"The effect of harm caused by parents is not limited to the present. It runs through the years and is as deeply rooted in the hearts of children as a needle. ”
Any injury will leave scars, and the wounds left on the body may be eliminated, but the wounds left in the heart are incurable.
In the field of psychology, there is such a story.
A father was criticized by his boss at the company, and when he got home, he scolded the children who jumped around on the couch.
The child's heart was on fire, so he kicked the cat rolling around him fiercely.
This is the famous "kicking cat effect":
That is, people's bad emotions will be passed along the social chain composed of strong and weak and hierarchical relations, from the top of the pyramid, to the weaker one than themselves.
This may be a social rule, but all parents should not let their children become the cat in the family.
Children who live in contempt will naturally be indifferent.
Children who live in fear will naturally worry.
Children who live in malice naturally do nothing good.
The intimate relationship of parents will affect the child's future world view and love view, and smart parents will not pass on the contradiction to the child.
I like this sentence:
Happiness can be pretended, love can be acted, but the child's appearance does not lie.
Children who grow up in a loving environment have an innate sense of security that others cannot imitate in their lifetime.
Happy life, not by compromise, nor by making up, but by a family under the same roof, caring for each other and caring for each other;
It is that even if the years have worn away the passion, we can still maintain the respect of speaking no evil words and doing not hurt people.
The best education for children is the relationship between parents;
The best parenting for children is the words and deeds of parents;
The most suitable environment for children to grow up is to have a pair of warm and jade parents.
Author | Fat sea, after 80, I handwritten my heart. Source: The article comes from Fan Deng's reading (ID: readingclub_btfx), reading to light up life.
This article | edited