Have you ever experienced cold violence?
When two people have a conflict, it could have been resolved by communication, but because it takes time, someone takes a more "effective" approach, that is, cold violence.
The so-called cold violence is to be indifferent, ignore, ignore the feelings of the other party, turn a blind eye to the messages sent, and do not care whether the other party is sad or not.
When the other party can't stand the cold violence, they will take the initiative to ask for peace, at this time, the people who take the cold violence will also achieve their own goals.
It is undeniable that cold violence does not have the time cost of communication, but people who are cold violence will have self-doubt, self-denial, and finally the spiritual defense line will be broken in the absence of a message.
Cold violence is mostly issued by men, because they are rational and know how to do what is most efficient, at this time, it will be women who are deeply tortured.
In a relationship between the sexes, when men play cold violence, "emotional intelligence" women will do the following 3 things.
Try it: for tat, eye for eye
According to the definition of the psychoanalyst Marie Irigoyan in her famous book Cold Violence, we can know that cold violence is a kind of violence, which mainly takes the form of coldness, contempt, laissez-faire, alienation and indifference.
Such a way will cause the spirit and psychology of the person who was coldly violent to be violated and hurt, and this harm is likely to be irreversible.
Usually, women will be overwhelmed when faced with men's cold violence against themselves, and after they can't stand the ignored indifference, they will take the initiative to ask for peace.
In this way, the purpose of the man is achieved, and the next time there is a conflict, the man will still repeat the same trick, so that you will suffer cold violence again.
Tolerance is not to let a person find that there is something wrong with what they are doing, but only to make the other party worse.
Women with high emotional intelligence do not do this, they know that men are cold and violent to themselves, which is nothing more than forcing themselves to compromise in such a way.
If that's the case, he doesn't care about our feelings, so why should we care about his feelings?
Tit-for-tat, eye-for-eye is enough, love is mutual, not loving is also, happiness is, pain is also, so, how others treat us, we can do it to them.
It's okay to: go step by step and keep doing your own thing
Shen Siyi in the TV series "Amazing Girl" does things very well, and such a personality makes her rarely suffer losses in love.
Two people together, disputes are inevitable, and some people will use cold violence to make each other take the initiative to make peace.
Usually, some girls will be helpless in the face of such a situation, and even more will humbly keep each other, just so that the other party does not leave themselves.
But Shen Siyi will not do this, the boyfriend cold violence then with his cold violence, he is indifferent, do what he should do, will not break the original plan because the boyfriend ignores himself.
In this mode of processing, it is the man who cannot sit still.
When we deal with feelings, if we encounter such a situation, we can take the way of Shen Siyi.
Don't disrupt your rhythm because one person has done something, do what you like, I have a lot of style, and I have no quarrel with the world.
As Yishu once said: "If someone says that he loves me, I will not rejoice a little, unless his love can be discounted; if someone says that he hates me, I will not worry, the sun will still rise tomorrow." ”
In love, when we treat men the way men do, then men will become "love brains", and we will not be arbitrarily pinched by each other.
There is no cure, then stop the loss in time
Cold violence is indeed a very efficient way, but people who have used it, it is not difficult to guarantee that they will not use it a second time.
When encountering problems, it should be an effort to solve them, not to take such a way.
Moreover, we all know how difficult it is for people to endure cold violence, what they do not want, do not do to others, and what they are not willing to bear, they will naturally consider the problem from the perspective of others, and they are not willing to let the other party bear it.
Therefore, the people who use cold violence against you are actually not as fond of you as you think.
Zhang Xiaoxian once said: "I just hope that there is someone who knows that I am not really okay when we say that I am okay; that there can be someone who, when I force a smile, knows that I am not really happy." ”
We need to know that true high emotional intelligence is not to blindly tolerate others, so that it will only condone evil because of bottomless goodness.
True high emotional intelligence is to be able to get along with yourself while also being able to put others in your heart.
Love will give people a good feeling, the love that truly belongs to us will not make us feel painful, and the people who love us will not make us feel afflicted.
Since a relationship allows you to only feel pain, then this relationship has no meaning to persist. Sometimes, it makes more sense to stop the loss in time than to blindly insist on it.