When I was a child, watching some TV series or romance novels, I would always substitute myself into the role, fantasizing that I was white and beautiful, and the opposite sex around me was around me, and I loved myself to the point of addiction.
Later, when I saw the love in real life, I found that the role of appearance in a relationship is of course important.
But with the passage of time, the sense of surprise brought by the appearance will degenerate, at this time, if you only rely on the feelings established by the appearance, you will eventually fall apart because of the appearance.
Many of us always take the appearance as the whole thing that runs through a relationship.
It is true that romantic relationships arise, women rely on the ears, men rely on the eyes, that is, men are visual animals, relying on the eyes to fall in love.
But love is a long-term development process, and the value of the face is just the opposite, it is too constrained by time.
Therefore, the real reason for men to be "addicted" is actually this.
Men's efforts in a relationship are often directly proportional to their care
When watching a movie, looking at it and finding that the movie plot is very boring, I want to leave but because I have already spent the movie ticket money, I can only choose to watch it;
When taking a taxi in the evening peak, the system prompts that you need to wait for twenty minutes, and as a result, you still can't get a taxi after waiting for more than twenty minutes, at this time, the system prompts you to wait for another ten minutes.
At this time, most people will choose to continue to wait, because if they choose to leave, it means that the previous twenty minutes have also been wasted, not only the car did not hit, but also wasted twenty minutes.
In order to avoid losses, choose to continue to invest, which is the sunk cost effect in psychology.
Sunk cost effects refer to the fact that individuals pay a certain cost in doing things that will not be recovered because of changes in decision-making.
People have a nature of loss and hatred, and they have much more sensitivity to loss than they gain, so in order to avoid loss, people continue to increase costs to achieve their goals.
That is to say, a man's efforts in a relationship are directly proportional to their care.
However, there are many women who don't do this in a relationship because they are afraid of being labeled as materialistic and afraid of being rejected by the other person without face.
Therefore, they choose to wronged themselves.
It's just that Yu Qiuyu once said: "Love is equal, you can pay more, you can also love him more, but it is by no means compromise, will, and tolerance." ”
Tolerance means that they will be wronged, and those who seek perfection never get the care of others, and in the end they just toss themselves.
Women with high emotional intelligence have always used the method of increasing the sunk cost of the other party to make the other party love themselves, in order to achieve the purpose of "addiction".
Love, like human nature, is inherently selfish
A rose is originally unremarkable, but after a series of watering, fertilizing, and loosening operations, you will find that this rose seems to be good.
When you move, some things are thrown away because they are inconvenient, but this rose you have been carrying.
Is it because this rose is special?
No, the rose is the same, just a symbol, and the reason why it is so important in your heart is because you have put time and effort into it, and these are non-recyclable costs.
That's why this rose will grab your attention.
The Selfish Gene mentions: "Selfishness is the innate gene of every human being. All relations are essentially exchanges of value; without exchange of values, there is no relationship. ”
People who don't remember to give for themselves, but people who remember to pay for themselves, people are selfish, and love is like this.
Learning to guide men to give is the key to women consolidating their gender status
After knowing the sunk cost effect, we should understand how important it is to make men pay for themselves and accumulate men's costs.
Don't be afraid to ask for it, and don't feel that there will be a sense of indebtedness in letting men pay for themselves, in fact, when women let men pay for themselves, they can just meet men's sense of existence and value.
If we can support ourselves in everything, then for men, we do not need each other, so that men will be in a marginal state.
In the long run, love will naturally wither.
Therefore, do not have those unnecessary concerns, follow your heart, enjoy the man's efforts for himself in a relationship, and do not have a psychological burden.
Bo Bonnie once said a sentence in "Strange Story": "No doctrine is greater than your life, no value can kidnap your freedom, you are a woman, you love how to come, how you are comfortable to live." ”
If love is not able to be honest, it shows that there is still a gap between each other, and in addition, paying in love is what should be done, which is reasonable.
Therefore, when we guide men to pay for themselves, we can extend the relationship.