In March last year, Liu Xiaoqing's 5-year-old son, Zaizai, was snatched up on the street on his way to kindergarten, and the "snatcher" was her ex-husband Huang Yun.
After Liu Xiaoqing and Huang Yun divorced, they were given custody of the child, who was given the right to visit the child, after which Huang Yun went to Xiaoqing's hometown to snatch the child and prevent him from meeting his mother.
In the process of searching for a child, Xiaoqing met a group of mothers who had similar experiences to herself, who used the name of the "Purple Ribbon" logo of the American anti-violence movement, called themselves "Purple Ribbon Mother", and told their stories on the Internet, trying to get more people to pay attention to these children - the hidden victims.
(Click to watch the video)
It is not uncommon for children to be robbed and hidden. According to media reports, of the 749 cases involving "custody" and "visitation rights" on the "China Judgment Documents Network" from 2007 to October 2020, 12.68% of the cases were accompanied by the act of snatching and hiding children. Most of the stash took place before and after divorce proceedings and were mostly carried out by the father's side.
In November 2021, Xiaoqing finally found her child in Hengyang, Hunan Province, and reached a reconciliation with her ex-husband. But the sudden robbery and the separation of mother and child for more than two hundred days still brought deep psychological trauma to her and her children, which needed to be slowly healed in the long years that followed.
snatch
One morning in March 2021, Xiaoqing asked her son To get up as usual. The night before, Zai Zai played very late, and in the morning he was confused and lying in bed, Xiao Qing gave him a "loose bone", picked him up, and rubbed his limbs one by one. In less than five minutes, the boy woke up.
Xiaoqing feels that boys should learn to "do their own things" early, and train their sons to learn to wash and dress themselves from an early age.
It was drizzling that day, and she deliberately found a yellow raincoat, put it on the outside of her son's dark green over-the-knee cotton jacket, and sent him to the elevator entrance. Riding a balance bike, Zai Zai waved happily at the elevator door and said to her, "Mom, goodbye."
(Xiaoqing did not expect that her ex-husband would suddenly snatch the child)
Xiaoqing did not expect that in the 9 months after that, she would try everything she could to see her child.
Less than half an hour after Zaizai left, Xiaoqing received a call: the child was robbed. Ex-husband Huang Yun took a "stranger" at the intersection in front of the kindergarten and directly snatched the child.
By the time Xiaoqing arrived at the intersection, Huang Yun had already left alone with the child.
(Liu Xiaoqing guarded the downstairs of her ex-husband's house)
Huang Yun took the child back to his hometown, and on the way he called Xiaoqing and said that he was just taking the child back to spend a Qingming Festival.
Xiao Qing questioned her ex-husband: "Why can't you communicate with me well, why do you use this way of robbery?" ”
Huang Yun said that because the last time he came to visit, Xiaoqing did not let him take the child out to play, but could only visit at home. Xiaoqing said that the reason why she only let her ex-husband visit at home was because Huang Yun once "took the child privately" once.
It was March 2020, and after Liu Xiaoqing took the child back to her hometown, Huang Yun said that she wanted to come and see the child.
That night, Huang Yun promised to send the child back after taking him out to eat and play, but he drove the boy back to his hometown overnight.
After that time, Liu Xiaoqing did not see the child for half a year. Until the end of the first-instance judgment, the custody of the child was awarded to her, and Xiaoqing went to Hengyang herself and picked up the child from the interest class.
(Xiaoqing will record her own child search process with video)
Because of the lessons of the past, Xiao Qing decided to only let him visit at home before establishing trust with Huang Yun again.
But she did not expect that Huang Yun was very dissatisfied with this and "snatched the child" because of it.
Looking for a son
On the afternoon of October 11, 2021, Xiaoqing arrived at Changsha Airport, which was the fourth time she came to Hunan to find her child this year.
In the red suitcase she was dragged, most of the space contained her complaint materials and toys for children. She didn't accompany her on her April birthday, so every time she came to Changsha, she would bring a gift — her son's favorite toy car.
(Every time Xiaoqing comes to Changsha, she will bring gifts for her son)
Every time she came to Changsha, she would use her mobile phone to shoot a small video, record her search for a child, and then post it on Weibo, selecting "Only I can see myself".
She had to record the journey and tell him when she grew up that she had never abandoned him.
She rented a house near her former home and prepared to take the subway to the court the next day to advance the enforcement process.
After the boy was snatched away, Xiao Qing came to Changsha to interview her ex-husband, hoping to discuss and confirm the child's visit plan again, but Huang Yun refused to meet. After that, Xiaoqing's request to watch her child through a video call was also rejected.
A month after the child was snatched, the ex-husband was still reluctant to negotiate, and Xiaoqing decided to go to the Yuelu District Court to apply for compulsory enforcement, hoping to get the ex-husband to return the child through legal means.
(Court staff went to Hengyang to carry out detention, but there was no one at home))
Enforcement judge Xiao Heping immediately included Huang Yun in the list of dishonest executors, who were banned from some high-spending behaviors and fined, but he was still reluctant to hand over his children.
In July 2018, Liu Xiaoqing and Huang Yun agreed to divorce, and the custody belonged to Liu Xiaoqing, and the two still lived together in order to raise the child.
In January 2020, because of family trivia, Xiaoqing decided to take the child back to her hometown of Qinghai, after which Huang Yun could come to Qinghai to visit the child.
Xiaoqing believes that one of the reasons why the child was robbed was that during the first and second trials, the two sides did not reach an agreement on the future visitation plan, so they also expressed their willingness to reconcile to the other party through lawyers and judges, but all were fruitless.
During the execution, Xiaoqing also tried to go to Hengyang to find the child. She lives in a hotel near the address that Huang Yun left for the court, and constantly observes the movement of the family, but she is disappointed to find that her ex-husband's family has long since moved away, and strangers appear on the balcony.
(Xiaoqing is in the hotel to observe the movement of the family from time to time)
Julie, the initiator of the Purple Ribbon Mother Public Welfare Group, has also encountered similar difficulties. She obtained custody through divorce proceedings, but never saw the children, so she applied to the court for enforcement.
In July 2018, Julie's ex-husband was judicially detained by the court for a month, but was still reluctant to hand over the child.
The lawyer advised Julie to apply for prosecution for "refusing to enforce the judgment and ruling." In August 2018, the "crime of refusal to carry out the law" was filed. However, because Jiangsu has no precedent for the use of custody for the crime of refusal to carry out the crime, the Public Prosecutor's Law has discussed the details many times.
It was not until October 2020, after Julie's multiple efforts and the pressure of "detention", that the ex-husband proposed mediation and finally returned the child to Julie.
(Judge Xiao Heping called Huang Yun during the execution, but the other party refused to disclose the specific location)
According to Julie's understanding, purple ribbon mothers will encounter many difficulties in the process of defending their rights, most mothers will not go to the step of filing a case of "detention crimes", most mothers who have obtained custody rights cannot advance at the enforcement stage, the man always refuses to hand over the child, and the actual detention measures may also be difficult to implement because no one can be found.
Liu Xiaoqing felt hopeless, she did not understand why the court clearly awarded custody to her, but could not find the child to return to her.
Article 24 of the new Law on the Protection of Minors, which came into effect on June 1, 2021, stipulates that custody rights may not be contested by snatching or hiding minor children.
(Liu Xiaoqing went to the court to inquire about the enforcement process)
Previously, according to the principle of maximizing the interests of the child followed by the judiciary, in order not to easily change the child's original living conditions, custody was likely to be awarded to the party who lived with the child.
If one party robs, hides, and lives with the child for a long time, many courts will be inclined to award the party who is living with the child after the child is robbed because of the difficulty of enforcement.
Julie believes that the introduction of this rule can reduce the occurrence of snatching and hiding children because of the struggle for custody. She and her team found seven cases of "children being robbed and hidden for custody," all of which referred to this provision.
But robbery and hiding are still happening, and Julie and the Purple Ribbon Mother group are still calling for legislation, hoping to add relevant provisions on the punishment of "hiding children" in both the civil code and the criminal law.
derailment
After not seeing the child, Liu Xiaoqing felt that her life had "derailed". Everything stopped on the day when the boy was robbed, and every day there was only one "serious thing" left to find the child.
(Xiaoqing travels to and from Qinghai-Changsha four times a year to find children)
The book that Zai Zai had not finished the night before, the homework assigned in the kindergarten, she covered it with a gray cover and placed it in place. The new toys that she had not had time to open were placed in place, and she did not take back the bedding used for napping in the kindergarten.
In the days of looking for children, Xiaoqing has a kitten, and she knows that Zaizai likes it. But the kitten grows up day by day, and the child has not yet returned.
Xiaoqing said that she has wanted to be a mother since she was a child and participate in the growth of a small life.
(Liu Xiaoqing squatting in front of her ex-husband's house)
After getting married, 35-year-old Liu Xiaoqing wanted a child, but natural conception was always unsuccessful. She decided to do IVF, get hormone injections into her stomach every day, and then remove the eggs with general anesthesia.
She tried for five months and did two cycles, but unfortunately both failed. She later underwent another general anesthesia operation, and luckily, a month later she was naturally conceived and conceived.
On the morning of the robbery, she was supposed to go to the hospital for a follow-up examination. At that time, her anti-mullerian hormone (AMH) levels were close to that of a menopausal woman and could not conceive again.
"This child is my only sustenance in this world." Xiaoqing feels that her son is very important to her, and her ex-husband's act of robbing and hiding has taken her life off the normal track. "Everything that was once given, a wish that must be adhered to, was suddenly abandoned."
(Liu Xiaoqing waited downstairs at her ex-husband's house)
In the process of contact with the purple ribbon mother, Julie also found that some mothers will be psychologically traumatized, resulting in different degrees of emotional problems.
During the Chinese New Year this year, Julie's team organized eight online live broadcasts, two of which were psychological sessions, hoping to solve the emotional dilemma of the mothers.
repair
After contacting the purple ribbon mother group, Dr. Jin Ying, a psychologist, found that these mothers generally have "traumatic stress reactions", which will fall into fear, anxiety and helplessness, worry about the lack of maternal love and can not grow up healthily, worry that children do not recognize themselves or do not love themselves when they grow up, blame themselves, etc.
Some mothers will become emotionally out of control, on the one hand, complaining and blaming each other, emotionally expressing and handling things, on the other hand, blaming themselves, and even have the tendency to give up on themselves and want to give up everything.
Even if the child returns, the mother will be generally afraid that the child will be robbed again, in a long and high degree of self-defense tension, into the fear of no longer trusting each other.
(Liu Xiaoqing is still full of worries about the future)
Purple ribbon mother Zhang Wen's 10-month-old son was snatched away by her ex-husband and has not been seen for more than a year. Her emotions spiraled out of control, often unconsciously shedding tears and resisting contact with others.
Two months later, the situation peaked, and she lost sleep all night, constantly forcing herself to communicate with others, afraid of being alone, and her life and work were seriously affected. Zhang Wen turned to a psychologist, took psychological tests, and was diagnosed with severe anxiety and moderate depression. The doctor advised her to assist with medication and talk to family and friends.
In May 2021, the divorce lawsuit was decided in the first instance, and the result was that the divorce was not allowed, and Zhang Wen fell into despair. According to Julie's understanding, under normal circumstances, when the child is under 2 years old, custody is more likely to be awarded to the mother. Zhang Wen's children currently live longer with their fathers, and custody is more likely to be returned to their fathers.
(Zhang Wen's psychological test results)
Zhang Wen once heard through others that the child was timid and afraid of life, and she would fall into self-blame, believing that she had affected the growth of the child.
Now her anxiety symptoms will intermittently attack, but she is afraid to ask for help again, "If you let the man know that I have seen a psychologist, I am afraid that he will use this as a handle, and even more will not let me see the child." 」 Now she only looks forward to an early divorce, getting visitation rights, and no longer being forcibly separated from her children.
Long-term separation of mother and child can also have a great impact on the mental health of children.
Wang Yi, a resident psychological counselor of the Purple Ribbon Mother Public Welfare Group, introduced that 0 to 1 year old is an important period for the establishment of children's psychological security, 3 to 6 years old is an important development period for children's self-confidence, and 6 to 12 years old is an important development period for self-esteem and health.
A child who is forced to leave his mother between the ages of 0 and 1 will lose his sense of security and will continue to affect his intimate relationship status in future love and marriage life.
(Zhang Wen's medical record)
On the evening of November 24, 2021, Xiaoqing found Zaizai in Hengyang by looking for clues by herself. She immediately wanted to take Zai Zai away directly, but in conflict with her ex-husband and family, she could only call the police and go to the police station for mediation. Because they wanted to understand the situation, the staff of the Executive Bureau of the Yuelu District Court also rushed to Hengyang overnight to participate in mediation.
Looking back on that day, Xiaoqing felt that she was already "a little out of control" at that time. At the police station, she felt like she was "shaking all over and having trouble breathing." The long search, uncertain future, made her tend to collapse. She held the child tightly in her arms, but still felt panic and anxiety.
At two o'clock in the morning of the next day, Liu Xiaoqing, who had been searching for a son for more than two hundred days, finally embarked on the road home with Zaizai.
A month later, Xiaoqing and her ex-husband reached a settlement agreement at the Yuelu District Court and agreed on a visitation plan after that.
The two also agreed not to rob or hide the child. Xiao Qing also made concessions, and if her ex-husband could abide by the agreement, he would let him take the child out alone to play.
She is still worried that the boy will disappear again, but there is nothing she can do, only hoping that the ex-husband can understand that it is the child who robs, hides, and ultimately hurts.
When the boy came home, he was also afraid of being robbed again. "Whenever he goes out, he will put on his hat and wrap himself tightly." Go out to take a taxi and don't want to be exposed to public places. ”
But fear and worry are not the things that Xiaoqing is most concerned about, she feels that the most important thing at the moment is to do psychological repairs for her children and herself. "It's like going through a disaster, we all need to do 'post-disaster reconstruction.'"
(At the request of the interviewees, Liu Xiaoqing, Zai Zai, Huang Yun, and Zhang Wen are pseudonyms)
Photo/Video: Wei Jian
Editors: Wu Jiaxiang, Ye Zhengxing
Typesetting: Han Ningning | Proofreader: Wu Yihe
Operations: Li Yongmin | Coordinator: Wu Wei