After leaving my father, I was no longer a child
There is a hot topic on Douban: "Who can tell me a sentence that a father will tell his daughter, okay?" ”
This topic was launched in 2016, and it has been three years, but every year there are a large number of new messages:
"My dad often sends me WeChat messages asking me what I'm doing, but I rarely get back to him."
"Every time I'm in a bad mood, I'm particularly homesick, and I see this post with inexplicable nasal acid and want to go home."
"Is it enough money to hang out?" Not enough to say, have fun! ”
"When deciding on something and asking for his opinion, my dad used to say: It doesn't matter, you just have to be happy yourself. So I made a lot of different choices from others, and I have tasted the sweetness of taking detours, but I have never regretted it. ”
"Let you go to bed at eleven o'clock at night, don't hide in the quilt and play with your phone, you never listen..."
"Hey, we can't keep you for a lifetime, you have to live a good life when you get married, you have to be sensible, don't look like a child who doesn't grow up anymore."
"Have you arrived home?" Why haven't you left work yet, go to dinner. ”
"The fruit is all cut and put on the table, get up and remember to eat."
Suddenly my heart was sour, and I felt that the fathers were sometimes a little warm, and sometimes a little silly.
In addition to the daily warm nagging, there are also some sentimental memories:
"It's so sad... I have not heard a word of these words spoken by everyone in the building. ”
"I miss my dad too, and I don't know if he's doing well in heaven." Wanted to know that my mom and I missed him a lot. ”
"My dad has been gone for a year, usually play with the boys, mention the things about dad in front of others are said to be as happy as he is still alive, every time I see this kind of post in Douban, I cry badly, and now no one asks me if I have enough money, I feel that I have been asking my father to take money, and now there is no one anymore."
"The last words my dad said to me in his hospital bed when he was dying: There is food on the table, let's eat."
The most regrettable thing in the world is to love each other but to be separated.
Father's love is always stoic and introverted, and sometimes a simple sentence of "going home to eat" is worth a thousand words.
The existence of the father is often a presence that accepts the child. They don't ask too much, they just want to solve more problems and become a guide, or a companion.
The most precious childhood, can not be repeated
"Love and companionship are far more important than education, and a healthy, harmonious and intimate parent-child relationship is the cornerstone of a child's personality and the content of personality."
One survey showed that children who spend no less than 2 hours a day with their fathers are more harmonious, more adventurous, and more proactive in their interpersonal interactions than children who spend less than six hours a week with their fathers.
Many fathers feel that when they are young, they should earn more money, break in outside, and give their children a rich life; some people feel that companionship is the mother's duty, and the father is only an assistant.
However, the childhood that children need to be nourished by affection the most cannot start from scratch.
We often feel that it takes so much money and time to play with our children and travel abroad with them, that they will not remember it when they grow up.
In fact, these memories do not depend on the cerebral cortex, but on physical and emotional memories.
Specific games, toys, or travel attractions, history, time, may be left behind by children, but those joys and tears, those times, children will never forget.
When he was young, the child wanted to wait for his father to come home and play with him, but he could not wait, and when he grew up, his father had time and wanted to be close to the child, but it was too late.
Don't wait until that day.
Father, the field of loneliness
When we look back, the study of the role of fathers in the family was a "lonely" field 10 years ago.
Most studies on homeschooling are about the relationship between children and mothers.
Before the 1970s, the relationship between father and child could hardly be found in pedagogy and psychology; before 2009, theoretical research on fathers in China was almost blank.
Thirty years ago, Michael E. Lamb, a master of psychology at cambridge university, first proposed that fathers are the forgotten factors in a child's development.
His research points to four types of problems that children may have in families where their fathers are absent:
1. Gender role identity
They are slower to recognize the characteristics of male and female roles, and their self-cognitive abilities develop more slowly.
2. School performance
In families with insufficient father companionship, children have weak cognitive, motor, and problem-solving skills.
3. Mental health
The father's companionship is insufficient, and the child's self-confidence, curiosity, and self-regulation ability are insufficient.
4. Aggressive behavior
In families with insufficient father companionship, children are prone to aggressive behavior and are more difficult to have strong self-control.
In the United States, with the promotion of research on fathers in family life, the number of "full-time dads" has increased year by year, and by 2012, according to the survey, there were more than two million stay-at-home fathers.
As far as the current situation in China is concerned, with the increase in the cost of education, the father, as the economic pillar of the family, often bears huge economic pressure, and the fact that there is very little time to spend with the family in order to work cannot be ignored.
However, every short companionship, every morning farewell, and warm dinner are the source of children's sense of security and can bring strong backing to children.
Catherine Steiner Adair, a Harvard clinical and development psychologist, proposes "seven key times" when he suggests that parents put aside their private affairs and be patient with their children during these times will greatly promote parent-child relationships: before school, on the way to school, when the child picks up the child from school, when the child arrives home from school, when the parent comes home from work, dinner time.
These "key times" may not be accounted for by each one, but at least 2-3 times should be guaranteed to be able to get along with the child wholeheartedly.
Dads, when you come home from work, give your children a big hug. I haven't seen him for a day, and the child would love to get the attention of the people closest to him.
When the child grows up and recalls the past, those who are composed of hugs one by one will always be frozen in the memory!