Did you know the word mental rigidity before?
If you can understand its meaning deeply, perhaps your contradiction with your other half can be reduced by more than half.
Why? Because when we argue with our significant other, people with rigid minds are less adaptable.
In other words, they are more likely to cocoon themselves, fantasize about the three-point problem and the tragic end of seven points, and then make a very strong response.
This way, you are more likely to be the one who intensifies the conflict.
So what is mental rigidity? Without further ado, look at the table:
How does mental rigidity affect the feelings between couples?
Empirical avoidance: Fans Alain complain that her boyfriend does not come to see her, and when her boyfriend comes to the door again, she is joined together by Alain and her mother to say a meal.
The man happens to be a man with a rigid mind, and in order to avoid embarrassment, he is even more reluctant to come to see Alain.
The reason was simple: he was afraid of being scolded. This is typical empirical avoidance.
Cognitive fusion: After talking with your boyfriend, you lie in bed angry and keep thinking:
Why did he do this to me? Is it necessary for us to continue with his attitude? Does he really have me in his heart? His tone and look in his eyes meant that he didn't love me anymore?
So the emotion of "he doesn't love me anymore" will be taken as a fact by you. After that, your self-harm and excessive counterattack will definitely affect your relationship.
When empirical avoidance and cognitive fusion are combined, the probability of you misinterpreting each other while in love skyrockets.
So how do you tell if your mind is rigid?
Think about it carefully, when you have a little conflict with your partner, will your anxiety stay on similar issues for a long time:
1. Why did he do this to me?
2. Is he worthy of my efforts? Am I so good to him?
3. What is the meaning of this relationship?
If you think more and more about the above problems, but after meeting with men, you have no problem getting along, but when you turn to be alone, you will still think wildly...
Then you may have fallen into the trap of mental rigidity. So how do you regulate this problem?
#1
First, the law of three things
According to the advice of psychologists, the most important thing to do to break the mental rigidity in intimate relationships is to break the negative cognitive fusion, and then bring positive emotions into the intimate relationship between the two people.
For example, you can record three positive things that happen with your partner every day, so that for 1-2 weeks, your negative emotions will be reduced.
Let me give you a chestnut, and you might think of it this way:
1, in the morning the boyfriend bought breakfast, but also sent to the company came, awesome day
2, I can play with his mobile phone casually, although he is not romantic, but there is no secret between us at all...
#2
Second, the law of dissociation
Dissociation is the use of language to separate your thoughts, cognitions, emotions, and facts.
For example, if you stare at a Chinese character for 3 minutes, do you think the word has become strange?
You know, a Chinese character is a fact that already exists, but by repeatedly watching this behavior, you separate cognition from the fact, so the word becomes strange, and the process is dissociation.
It's the same thing in terms of feelings, what I need you to do is separate the negative emotions from the facts and do some dissociation.
The approach is simple:
Small Theater ——
M: Hello annoying!
You (laughs): I'm so annoying, I'm so annoying, I'm so annoying!
(Record these four words in the voice of Doraemon and Minions, and repeat them countless times)
Such a funny approach is to make you desensitize the evaluation of "annoying", if you listen to it, you and your boyfriend laugh, then you not only dissociate successfully, but your boyfriend will also think that you are a little naughty.
Of course, you should also examine the man's emotions and see if it is suitable for doing this.
If it doesn't fit, you can also dissociate the negative evaluations of others when no one is there, so that your heart will unconsciously become bigger.