In the matter of "early love", 99% of parents have done it wrong!

*Note: This article is an excerpt from previous highlights

Published on February 6, 2017

preface

Whether it is an adult or a minor, things are actually very easy to understand, and human nature will also choose the direction of profit and avoid harm for themselves, but everyone is not born with enough rationality, emotional intelligence, and self-control, there must be a process of improvement in the experience...

hearken

=Listen=

Jin Rong: Hello.

Participant: I want to ask about the early love of middle school students, I don't know how to enlighten children?

Jin Rong: How old are the children? Boy or girl?

Audience: Girl, I'm in my sophomore year of high school. I think children are not as sensible as other children of the same age, do not know how to learn all day, and have a tendency to fall in love early.

Jin Rong: So when did she know to study?

Audience: Before junior high school, it was okay to study, but it was on the upper middle level.

Jin Rong: When children face the attraction of the opposite sex, from the perspective of human nature, first of all, this is very normal. If you like the same sex, then the parents may go crazy, right?

Participant: Well, yes.

Jin Rong: So first of all, we can be sure that the child's sexual orientation is normal. Second: Girls have a good feeling for boys, and it is normal at this age.

Participant: Hmm.

Jin Rong: This is from a physiological and psychological point of view. But people have to learn to manage themselves, what is the motivation to manage themselves? It depends on whether parents can communicate sincerely and effectively with their children and whether they can reach a consensus. Many children know the harm caused by early love to their studies, but they still have to take risks and must do so? This should be considered, in the process of growing up in the child's family understanding of her? Is it appropriate? Because in many families, parents pay no attention to anything except their children's learning.

Audience: The point is that she's also a bit rebellious now, and she doesn't listen to anything we say.

Jin Rong: That's because children didn't have the ability to resist when they were young, and now that they are older, they dare to say and do it directly when they have ideas. If when the child is young, our communication with the child is smooth enough, the child has enough trust and understanding for us, and is willing to tell us his heart, then the child will not rebel. Because the atmosphere of the whole family is respectful and equal.

Jin Rong: The reason why rebellion arose is because it was not expressed before, and now as children grow up, they have their own opinions and dare to express themselves, which is very normal. So the first thing we have to solve is: can we communicate with our children, if your communication method is not correct, even if the reasoning you tell is correct, she can't listen to it, understand?

Participant: So what should I do now?

Jin Rong: How did you communicate with your child before?

Audience: She sometimes listens and sometimes doesn't listen.

Jin Rong: That's not okay, why not? Have you thought about it? Do you think you're a very reasonable person?

Participant: Then to see what is going on, it will be a little unreasonable when it comes to sex.

Jin Rong: Then you are also a child who has not grown up.

Participant: Right.

Jin Rong: First of all, we must be able to communicate with the child on an equal footing, from the perspective of being able to understand her, what the child needs is your understanding and acceptance of her emotions. If you throw all your ideas to her like a cannonball, then naturally there will be no more following, the reason can be clear, but guidance is very important.

Audience: Teacher, I can talk to my child, but she may not be able to listen.

Jin Rong: You first tell the child to guide her reasonably, in case she accidentally listens? If the child trusts you unconditionally, then a lot of advice will be accepted, understand?

Participant: Well, teacher, can you talk to the child?

Jin Rong: Yes.

The following is the conversation between Teacher Jin Rong and the child

Participant: Hello Uncle.

Jin Rong: Hello, little beauty, congratulations on your love. How does it feel?

Participant: Because my dad knew about it some time ago, we broke up.

Jin Rong: Why break up?

Participant: Parents disagree.

Jin Rong: How do you feel about yourself?

Participant: I don't know what to say...

Jin Rong: I was also young and liked girls, and I thought I was stupid at that time. I don't know how you feel.

Participant: It's just that I feel very happy with him, and sometimes when I have a quarrel with my parents and have unhappy things, there is a person who can speak from the heart.

Jin Rong: Very good, people say that all you get is to pay, I want to know what you have to pay?

audience:... Well... I don't know how to say...

Jin Rong: You will spend time and experience, that's a certainty. Can you tell me that your main business now is to be in love?

Participant: I want to learn both ways in love, but I can't seem to do it.

Jin Rong: Not only you, not many people can do this, including me. When we can't do it, we should learn to make trade-offs, and I just told your mother that at least it proves that your sexual orientation is normal.

Jin Rong: Because we don't have enough ability to maintain emotions now, understand? We are very vulnerable now, you need to make yourself stronger, you need to go to a better platform to develop yourself, in order to make us stronger, let love develop better. Loved, liked, experienced, give yourself an account. Then go and do what you're supposed to do.

Jin Rong: I believe that you can make a decision for yourself that is beneficial to your current and future development, and it is too normal to have this emotion, but as a person, being able to manage yourself really effectively is a sign of real growth and maturity, okay?

Participant: Okay.

Jin Rong: In the future, if you have any troubles, you can tell me, goodbye.

Participant: Okay, goodbye.

Jin Rong commented

Whether it is an adult or a minor, things are actually very easy to understand, and human nature will choose the direction of profit and avoid harm for themselves, but everyone is not born with enough rationality, emotional intelligence, and self-control, and there must be a process of improvement in the experience. At this time, what parents should do is to give the younger generations listening, understanding, experiencing and guiding in a correct and effective way.

You are the child's most trustworthy and dependent person, so, first of all, can you become a smooth and worry-free outlet for your child's emotions and doubts? Everything is the same simple, but the way and the skill determine the result.

And this result also verifies whether you as an adult have enough rationality, emotional intelligence, self-control and communication skills, if you are not qualified at these points, how can you expect your words and deeds to have a positive impact on future generations?

This is what we often say – the process of parenthood is also a period of experience and sublimation for ourselves. With such a mentality, humility, patience to explore, coupled with your sincere love for future generations, the arduous project of "nurturing" can definitely be successfully completed in a spiral.