After analyzing the truth of the child's "timidity", the parents were silent...

*Note: This article is an excerpt from previous highlights

Published on November 18, 2016

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Children are timid and weak and cannot adapt to the new environment, which may not seem like a big deal, but in fact, parents should pay enough attention. This is equivalent to a signal that the child is deficient in some aspects...

Jin Rong: Hello, please speak your phone.

Participant: Teacher Jin Rong, I have two questions I would like to ask you today. The first one is about my sister's child, the child has just been in the first grade this year, and when he was in kindergarten, the child was very obedient and well-behaved, but the child only went to primary school for two days, and the third day did not go. After that, he also kept making a fuss about not going to school, saying that the teacher in the class saw which child was disobedient and beat him with a long pole. My sister transferred a class to the child through the relationship, but now the child has a sense of fear of the teacher, or do not go, every time the parents say good to the child at night, the child goes to school in the morning, but as soon as he walks to the school door, he does not dare to go in, and then he returns home. My sister beat the child several times for this matter, and now it has been more than 20 days since the school started, and the child has only been gone for three or five days. I told my sister that I can't beat the child, afraid that the child will be depressed, this is my first question, I want to consult you.

Jin Rong: Children have just entered the first grade, from a relatively relaxed environment to a relatively strict environment, and it is certain that they will not adapt. You just said that the child is very well-behaved, very sensible, very obedient. Is it a boy or a girl?

Audience: Girls.

Jin Rong: So has the teacher ever beaten a child so far?

Participant: It is to knock the child's desk and scare the child. But to say that he went straight to the kid, I don't think it's possible.

Jin Rong: Is it for the child alone, or is it for everyone?

Participant: It's for a class of fifty kids.

Jin Rong: So did he knock on someone else's table, or on the child's desk, or on the podium?

Participant: Knock on the child's table.

Jin Rong: What mistake did the child make, to knock on the child's table?

Audience: After all, children have just come to school from kindergarten, and sometimes they can talk and be noisier. The teacher knocked the child's desk, and we parents sat there and felt uncomfortable.

Jin Rong: I think this method is not very desirable, but there are dozens of children in a class, why can't our children bear it? Have you thought about this?

Participant: Yes, I'm also wondering about that.

Jin Rong: In fact, children are too timid and too weak. But why are children timid? Have you thought about it?

Participant: The child has always grown up in front of her parents, and it is the parents who are protecting her, and she has not been allowed to do anything independently.

Jin Rong: Yes, this is the root of the problem. People go out of the family and into society. Nine times out of ten things are not going well, is it not easy to go home?

Participant: Oops.

Jin Rong: I think it shouldn't be, as a parent, we must make it clear that children should have the ability to resist blows and the ability to resist wind and rain, rather than hiding at home forever, which will harm children.

Participant: Right.

Jin Rong: In the face of such a problem, we can talk to the teacher privately, explain the child's situation, and let the teacher restrain a little. In addition, to give the child a correct interpretation, the teacher always knocks on the table is a reminder, not who to hit. There are three moves in a person's life: the first move is to overcome inferiority, the second move is called superiority, and the third move is to grasp power. One wrong step will be wrong every step, we must let the child find a sense of superiority and self-confidence here, only self-confidence can overcome inferiority.

Jin Rong: This ability is more to rely on the guidance and cultivation of our parents to their children. You know what I mean?

Participant: Well, yes.

Jin Rong: We parents should discover and develop their children's sense of superiority, so that others can like you in this environment, and gradually her psychological support will be established, if things are hidden behind the parents, how long do you think you can hide?

Participant: Yes, yes.

Jin Rong: Giving more affirmation and encouragement to children is what parents need to do, don't scare children all the time.

Audience: Right, right, right.

Jin Rong: So from a realistic point of view, we need to communicate with teachers, and in the long run, we need to attract the attention of parents, to find the advantages of children, to affirm and encourage, and to build children's self-confidence.

Participant: Okay, okay. But we have already communicated with the teacher, and the child still does not go.

Jin Rong: After communicating with the teacher, the teacher gave the child some comfort when picking up the child, telling the child that he would not be beaten. I believe it shouldn't be hard to do that.

Participant: Yes, teacher, we did what you said, but it didn't work.

Jin Rong: In such a situation, if the child still does not go, you must learn to be principled in this time period, send it over to let her cry twice and make trouble twice, she is used to it. At this time, we will affirm the child and praise her bravery.

Participant: Okay.

Jin Rong: Okay, goodbye.

Participant: Thanks, goodbye.

Jin Rong's comments:

Children are timid and weak and cannot adapt to the new environment, which may not seem like a big deal, but in fact, parents should pay enough attention. This is a signal that the child is deficient in some ways. The following suggestions are for your reference:

1, specific response, you can communicate with the teacher, for our children to slightly restrain a little; adhere to the principle, send over, cry twice on the habit;

2. The root cause is that parents have been sheltering their children and have not cultivated a certain degree of resistance and psychological endurance to adapt to unfamiliar environments;

3. Guide children to correctly interpret the teacher's actions;

4. Discover and cultivate and develop the child's sense of superiority, let the people around her like her, and the psychological support will be established.