For most families today, moving is no stranger. Many of my friends and I are in the type of people who move frequently, and sometimes across borders. Our eldest, who is six years old, has moved three times (once across borders) and will soon face another cross-border relocation.
My friends' experiences have proven time and time again that children are more adaptable than we think! Of course, to a large extent, this ability to adapt also requires the encouragement and attention of parents.
01
First of all, the attitude of adults determines everything! If an adult shows a lot of anxiety, worry about moving, or is too nostalgic about the place to move away, these emotions will be captured by the children and may be affected.
So, every time we move, we look at the "future" very positively. Before we mention the move, we will describe to our children how "beautiful" the "future" will be. This "nice" doesn't need to be grand, just grab what your child likes – for example, there's a big park there! Or, take the fastest train in the world there!
Second, help your child adjust to the "now" that is about to leave – to maintain coherence in the "now". This is especially critical for children under the age of two, because their world depends heavily on the people around them who take care of them and what they do. People do not change, that is, the caregivers that the child relies on most are still around; things do not change, that is, the children's daily life rules are as consistent as possible; plus the "unchanged" of some daily items, such as the same sheets, favorite toys, eating tableware to keep consistent, and so on.
02
For older children, in the above principle of "changing in the unchanged" of some people and things, it is necessary to add one more: to help children deal with changes in friendship.
On the one hand, although children under the age of six have some regular playmates, they are actually less "loyal" to friendship. As soon as they find new partners in a new environment, they will quickly shift their points of interest. So, adults can help children find opportunities to make new friends in new environments.
If the child has very good friends, we will try to keep in touch with the families of these children. In fact, today, this connection is convenient. Even across borders, we can make calls through the web and social media.
In this case, the child does not feel that he has suddenly lost contact with his friends. In daily family conversations, we can also mention the families of these "old friends" and talk about what each other has done recently, so that children can also feel connected with friends.
Of course, the premise of these practices is that the adults of the two families are very familiar with each other and have the desire to maintain contact together. If your child doesn't have such friends, and you're new to the families of all your children's friends, then there's no need to force it.
Moving also has a positive side: "relocation" creates opportunities for children to learn about "family history." For example, we show our children photos and even videos of the past, take advantage of the holidays to return to the city of the past, tell them what life was like, and tell some interesting stories. These experiences can not only promote children to build memories of the past, but also enhance the feelings between family members!
About the Author:
The inner page of this picture book comes from "The Cabin in the Field" Text/Photo: Miyakoshi Xiaozi