Leaving mom's "wandering", I miss you so much...

*Note: This article is an excerpt from previous highlights

Published on November 24, 2016

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For children, growth is a process of gradual stripping away the dependence on parents, which is an objective and inevitable law, if we violate this law, we will face greater problems...

Jin Rong: Hello.

Participant: I would like to ask about my daughter's schooling, she is in the first year of junior high school this year and now lives at the school. The child always says that he misses me very much, which leads to inattention in class. It's been three weeks now, and I went to see her once in the middle of the way, and it's still like that.

Jin Rong: The relationship between parents and children, from the birth of the child to the child slowly growing into an adult, is a process of continuous stripping, and the child's dependence on the parent will become less and less with the increase of the child's age, until finally the parents rely on the child. From the perspective of these things you just talked about, the child wants you and can't do without you, at least it shows that the child's ability to integrate into the new environment is relatively poor, you know?

Participant: Well, it is. My child is next to me, you talk to your child.

Jin Rong: Okay.

Participant: Hello.

Jin Rong: Hello little girl, you miss your mother, don't you?

Participant: Yes.

Jin Rong: Why do you think so much about your mother?

Participant: I feel very uncomfortable.

Jin Rong: If you don't adapt, you will slowly adapt. Three weeks on, how many good friends have you made at school?

Participant: That's a lot.

Jin Rong: Aren't you happy with your friends?

Participant: It's all very happy.

Jin Rong: If time is occupied by happiness, is there still time to think about your mother?

Participant: Yes.

Jin Rong: When is it?

Participant: It's when you're alone, when you're eating, when you're writing your homework...

Jin Rong: What were your friends doing at that time?

Participant: Comfort me.

Jin Rong: Can you listen to these comforts? Wouldn't it feel better?

Participant: No, because I feel very awkward and unnatural in my heart.

Jin Rong: Why is it so unnatural in front of your good friends?

Participant: I mean, mom always feels awkward when she's not around, it always feels like something is missing.

Jin Rong: But have you ever thought that when you grew up, it should be a frequent occurrence that your mother can't be around with you, and this is not an accidental event. Then after going to junior high school, you should be very adaptable, because before 7 years, you were often with your classmates and friends. Right?

Participant: Right.

Jin Rong: When you are having fun, do you miss your mother? You just went downstairs to play, and ten minutes later your mother called you home.

Participant: Annoying.

Jin Rong: Mom is not around you, and the first thing you feel is that it is not solid. Do you think about the reason why this feeling occurs?

Participant: No.

Jin Rong: The uncle told you that the person you are closest to is not around, and you are insecure. The main reason you're insecure is that you and the people around you don't get along well. So you have to learn from people and make friends and do things that are meaningful to yourself and to others. When you spend more time doing things that are meaningful to you, you have less time to think about your mom. And you will grow up day by day, and it is impossible to take your mother wherever you go. You have to exercise your ability to learn and survive in an environment as soon as possible, which is something you have to learn. If you haven't mastered it in high school or college, it's more than just a sad result. Do you understand?

Participant: Understood.

Jin Rong: So now you want to make more people like you in your class and dormitory, do you know how to make others like you?

Participant: I don't know.

Jin Rong: Let others know that your existence is like a happy baby, your existence can solve some problems that they can't solve, let them know that you are an angel who makes happiness. Do you understand?

Participant: Hmm.

Jin Rong: And the accumulation and growth of this ability depends on your continuous study with your heart, not on crying and thinking about it.

Jin Rong: You are 12 years old this year, and in a few years you will be a big girl. You say you want mom, and others will laugh at you. I will not laugh at you, I want to tell you, always think of your mother is not OK, because your mother can not accompany you to walk the whole road, so you have to slowly learn to grow up, the method I just told you.

Participant: But when I do things, I always think about my mother, and I feel very annoyed in my heart, and I am not in the mood to do things again.

Jin Rong: So is this idea right or wrong?

Participant: That's definitely not right.

Jin Rong: What kind of thing is that?

Participant: I should learn to be strong.

Jin Rong: So you should exercise yourself, people grow up to constantly overcome their own bad places, to become mature, to become useful, can not always follow their own will. So if you don't want to follow this natural law, you will be punished, are you willing to be punished?

Participant: No.

Jin Rong: So what should be done?

Participant: Get used to when mom is away.

Jin Rong: Yes, to become strong, brave, independent, okay?

Jin Rong: Do it little by little, starting with making good friends, and then studying well, allowing yourself to return to reality and do things that really mean you, okay?

Participant: Okay.

Jin Rong: Okay, uncle cheers you on.

Participant: Uncle, I have another problem, that is, I used to think of my mother, always crying in the dormitory at night. My roommates comforted me at first and cared about me. Then they said that if I cried again, it would affect their emotions, and I didn't know what to do.

Jin Rong: So you just said that this is not right, and if you cry again, others will either comfort you or hate you. If you develop this bad liking, you will be rejected by people everywhere, and in the end you will have to hide back home. Would you rather stay at home for the rest of your life?

Jin Rong: So when you want to cry and think of your mother, learn to divert your attention.

Jin Rong: Okay, goodbye.

Participant: Goodbye.

Jin Rong's comments:

For children, growth is a process of gradual stripping away the dependence on parents, which is an objective and inevitable law, and if we violate this law, we will face greater problems. This hotline has a certain exemplary significance for how to guide children with frank and in-depth communication. Here are a few key points:

1, especially want the mother to at least show that her ability to adapt to the new living environment is insufficient;

2, the closest people are not around the lack of security, the reason is not to get along well with the surrounding environment;

3, let yourself do things that are meaningful to yourself and your surroundings, there is no time to think about your mother. Learn to use distractions and pull yourself back to reality.

4, tell yourself that it is not right to always think of your mother; people grow up to constantly overcome their own bad places;

5, independent life is the trend of your own life in the future, whether you like it or not;

6, let ourselves become an angel to create happiness, let yourself be important to the people around you and the environment, this is our way to walk into any new environment can be independent and gain a sense of security.