Educate your children, please get rid of these bad habits first!

*Note: This article is an excerpt from previous highlights

Published on November 13, 2016

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Educating children is a long and complex process, the technical difficulty is much higher than going to work, you must be patient, master the way and method and degree...

Jin Rong: Hello, please speak your phone.

Participant: Hello teacher, I will tell you what happened to me with my child today. At night I poured the foot wash in the bathroom and asked him to wash his feet, and he went. But after he washed it out I asked him if he had poured the water? He said it was down. My brother's children lived in my house these two days, he ran to the toilet, only to hear a "pop", my brother's children fell in the bathroom and shouted and screamed, I got up and saw that he did not pour water at all. I couldn't help myself from hitting my child, accusing him of lying about not pouring water, causing my brother's child to fall. My child did not fight back or mouth, but his heart was resisting, I let him walk away and he did not move, my anger was even greater, and I lost my temper again. After a while I saw him cover himself tightly with a quilt, and I pulled the mattress apart to see him in tears. This kind of thing is not once or twice, you say what should I do when I encounter this kind of thing? Or how can I avoid this?

Jin Rong: How old are your children? Boy or girl?

Audience: 13 years old, boy.

Jin Rong: How do you usually communicate with him?

Audience: Normal communication is OK, he also listens to anything he says.

Jin Rong: In this matter, I don't think it is a matter of principle, but you have handled this matter a bit on the line. Because your brother's child fell, when you hit your child, he did not return the hand and did not return the mouth, in fact, the child's heart is also very uncomfortable, you know?

Participant: Hmm.

Jin Rong: He already knows that he is wrong on this issue, and this matter only needs to be a wake-up call. But what is your purpose in doing this? Your purpose is to make him remember for a long time, but your approach will make the child resentful and does not play a role in long memory. Therefore, parents must remember that your behavior is ultimately to achieve a purpose, you are angry with him, not educating him. It's just a pretense to educate him, see what I mean?

Participant: Well, I see.

Jin Rong: So you must tell your child: "The mother is very anxious, did not manage her emotions and moved with you, the mother is wrong, try to control your emotions in the future." I also know that you don't want your brother to fall. "It's enough to wake up, your brother's fall is enough to remind him, you know?" Later, when you hit him and scold him, you are actually venting your emotions, thus achieving a balance, and he becomes your punching bag.

Participant: But when he came out of the wash, I asked him, did you pour water? He also told me he poured water. Since he didn't pour it, why did he tell me he poured water?

Jin Rong: If he had realized that his brother would fall when he said this, I don't think he would have said that.

Participant: Mm-hmm.

Jin Rong: If your brother's child doesn't fall, and you see that he doesn't pour water, you'll just let him pour water, and I'm sure he won't not pour it. That's why I said before that not pouring water is not a mistake of principle, and the things that arise later, he has become the object of your catharsis, to achieve the balance in your heart, and you feel that it is very righteous to educate him, because the water has not poured, making such a big thing.

Participant: Well, yes.

Jin Rong: But what if the child didn't fall? Are you telling me this is a thing? It is precisely because of this incident that he realized that he must pay attention to small things, and I believe that when you talk to him about this topic in the future, he will definitely accept it sincerely and humbly. He is already 13 years old, and the way you use this form of education will only exchange for more resentment from your children, and they will not achieve the purpose of education and the purpose of reminders.

Participant: Well, it is. He slept in his room, I pushed open his door, and he slept in a different position than usual. I pulled him apart, let him sleep in my room, and told him I wasn't going to scold him. At first he was reluctant and finally went to sleep with me.

Jin Rong: Through this matter, you want to let the child have a long memory, and you yourself also have a long memory, and I think it is necessary to further explain this matter, you know?

Participant: Hmm. Anyway, something like this I can say a hundred times...

Jin Rong: You said a hundred times it is better to stare at himself ten times, you know?

Participant: He didn't take the bowl after eating, turned around and left. Tell him he'll take it once, and the next time it's the same, so I'm on fire.

Jin Rong: So on this issue, the reminder is with explanation, with affirmation, with guidance. A person who says it a thousand times does not physically practice it ten times. When it comes to the end, the child will not respond, don't be bothered, educating the child is much more technical than going to work.

Participant: Is it to be patient and remind more?

Jin Rong: You have to do this, you can get angry, but you have to master the good degree. Don't do it if you don't do it whenever you can.

Jin Rong: I never said that parents should not hit their children at all, children are getting older, and they should try not to fight without hitting.

Participant: That said, I try to...

Jin Rong: Supervise him to do it, and to execute it, you can't say it' and it's over.

Jin Rong: The only thing that reminds you is to pay attention to the way and the wording, okay?

Participant: Mm-hmm, ok.

Jin Rong: Okay, goodbye.

Participant: Well, goodbye.

Jin Rong's comments:

Educating children is a long and complex process, the technical difficulty is much higher than going to work, you must be patient, master the way and method and degree. Non-principled issues, do not go on the line; repeating the correct nonsense often has the opposite effect. According to the age of the child, the older the child can not fight as much as possible, with a peaceful tone to say the truth once is enough, more importantly, to supervise the child's execution.

Parents should not use their children's mistakes as an excuse to vent their emotions in the process of education, and the education behind the children's resentment will become more and more difficult.