Recently I discovered that my 4-year-old daughter is obsessed with all pink stuff.
Pink hairpins, pink clothes, pink school bags.
Sometimes, I recommend her some of the more neutral browns and grays. However, she said firmly: "These are the colors that only boys like, I am a little girl." This answer was somewhat unexpected, it turned out that in her 4-year-old world, gender color has emerged.
"Congratulations, it's a boy/girl." From birth, every life is expected by its parents to be of different genders. As children, we want girls to learn to dance and boys to play basketball. When we were students, we thought it was good for girls to study liberal arts, and boys to study science. After entering the society, women have a stable job, the amount of income is not important, and men have to earn more money, because only if they have some achievements in their careers is called success. In short, "a boy should be like a boy." "A girl should be like a girl."
To bind boys and girls with this stereotype, traditional notion is a gender stereotype, that is, a gender stereotype.
Psychological research shows that children under the age of 3 already carry gender stereotypes. They will have the idea that boys can fly airplanes and girls can't; dolls are played by girls, boys can't play; boys can't cry, they can't be braver than girls, girls can't be sloppy, they can't be more careful than boys. These stereotypes, which are tacitly accepted by children, can be glimpsed in The Pink and Blue Project by Korean photographer Jeong Mee Yoon.
IHUMAN MOM
The inspiration for the project was born from Yoon's daughter, "The project originally originated with my daughter, who loves pink, wears only pink clothes, and only plays with pink toys. She spent more than 10 years visiting many families. During the filming process, she found that from a very young age, the color of the objects used by children began to differ from blue and pink.
When girls were as old as dolls, pink became the main theme in her color world;
In the boys' room, even the plush dolls are blue, which is bound to the male by default.
Dr Erica Boas, who works at the Centre for Gender Studies and Education, said: "There is no scientific evidence that children of different genders have any innate preference for color, more of a hint from social habits. As the first source of children's gender education, parents are undoubtedly the ones who affect their children's understanding of gender. Whether we realize it or not, parents' expectations of their children's gender roles begin to subtly influence them from the words of clothing toys, choices of hobbies and interests, and daily communication. But in reality, gender stereotypes are not only unfair to girls, but also harmful to boys.
According to the BBC, a British couple did something very crazy in the eyes of outsiders after the birth of their child in order to keep him away from potential gender stereotypes. All close relatives, even the child's grandparents, conceal their gender.
The purpose is to allow children to remain gender-neutral.
Couples feel that people's gender stereotypes are often unconscious, just as it is widely believed that it is girls who wear pink clothes and boys who wear blue clothes. So when the mother is still pregnant, they begin to think about how to reduce these unconscious gender stereotypes, and finally they think that hiding the baby's gender is the best choice.
The child's father explains: "'Neutral' means that we try to be neutral to the child, not try to keep him neutral." "We don't want him to be anybody, we just want him to be himself. "There are also a lot of people who don't understand such a decision, but they still stand by their opinions. They hope that this can weave a protective net for the child, let the child be himself, and then decide his gender when he grows up.
"Once our children grow up, they can decide for themselves what gender they want to be, but at the moment they only hope that they can grow up in their own little world." Let children be their true selves and not be limited by the stereotypes of gender in the outside world, which is indeed commendable. But avoiding the effects of sexism does not mean that children ignore their own gender, and gender education for children is necessary, because gender awareness is actually a protection for children. Like a first-grade girl in the variety show "After School", she did a good job. When she changed her clothes, she refused to let her grandfather help her change together, saying that there was a difference between men and women.
Being able to have such a gender consciousness at this age has been praised by everyone. So the earlier gender education is carried out, the better, because when children are younger, they are more likely to accept objectively.
In the process of growing up, once the child has a distinction between genders, he will slowly develop some sense of identity with the same-sex group, rejection and curiosity about the opposite-sex group. Especially when children enter primary school, boys and girls will slowly begin to form intervals. They would find children of the same sex as friends and arrogantly say, "Ahem! I don't like playing with boys/girls! "Therefore, helping children understand the differences between genders is an important part of teaching children to treat gender stereotypes correctly." Parents can do this. 01, starting from themselves, starting from the side As mentioned earlier, parents are the first person in children's gender education.
Therefore, if you want to help your child get rid of stereotypes, you must start by knowing your own stereotypes. We should reflect on our own upbringing, what are our current preconceptions about gender? Is it possible to avoid it? And how do gender stereotypes affect our children? Then, we have to start changing from the side. For example, when buying toys, whether boys or girls, we do not pick for them with preconditions and follow the child's preferences. If the little girl wants to play racing and the little boy wants to buy dolls, we all encourage them to choose what they love and not stop them. There is a debate in the "Strange Story" that debates the theme of whether to let the son wear a skirt to go to kindergarten, Yuan Qiqi said such a paragraph.
Therefore, staying neutral and guiding at the right time is the best answer. 02, to meet the child's curiosity about the body Before teaching children to cope with gender stereotypes, we should first do a good job of physiological sex education for children. Because if mom and dad don't guide scientifically, children will explore on their own. We can talk about "sex" with children in the form of picture books or cartoons. Tell them the difference between the boy's and girl's bodies, remind them that the body is very private, and how to protect it. Only after the child's curiosity about the body is satisfied, can he know himself more correctly. 03. Teach children to recognize gender differences In addition, you can also help children understand gender differences more vividly through picture book stories. I Hate Boys! Not really..." and "I Hate Girls!" In fact, it is not..." These two picture books are the stories of how boys and girls see each other from their own perspectives. In the eyes of the boys, they are super fond of bows, always wear all kinds of strange clothes, and often get together to whisper;
In the eyes of girls, they are always disheveled and dirty, and their ears are always red.
Not only does he love to pick his nose, but he also likes to play with his nose.
But then again, there are boys, and it seems like there's always something interesting going on that makes people feel happy. Girls will share snacks and candy with you, and no matter how much they like, they will not hide them, so girls are sometimes really very likable.
This kind of sex education, which is more general than physiological structure, can help children recognize their gender roles and have a sense of satisfaction with their gender roles. In fact, it's not just children. Do we, who call ourselves adults, really understand our gender roles? Is it really possible to achieve freedom beyond gender? For children, as adults, you are what this society looks like, what this era looks like.
If you want your child to live in the ideal future, you first have to be it.
Author: Vivi.