Text/Su Xin
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Some people say that the first half of people's lives are doing "addition", and the expansion of desire makes people want to get more things, but those ideas not only do not get their wishes, but they also make themselves extremely distressed. As a result, in the second half of life, I gradually learned to do "subtraction" and delete those delusions, and the rest is really what should belong to me.
When Song Dandan talked about her feelings, she once said that originally she just wanted a hug from the other party, but later she wanted to get kisses, marriages and more, but when the other party was no longer full of her expectations, the relationship between the two people came to an end. Looking back, in fact, all I wanted was a hug.
People's desires are constantly expanding, and they want more and more things, but in the end, they find that they can really control and firmly grasp what they can hold in their hands.
In marriage, many women are not satisfied with the status quo, always hoping to get more, but in the end in their own desires to hit their heads and bleed, looking back to find that the reason why they are unfortunate is that they are too greedy.
To be too attached to what cannot be attained is an obsession, and this attachment is a burden on one's back, which can destroy a person.
A strong woman doesn't need anything to add to her body, instead she will choose to let go of something unrealistic in her life.
01 Perfect love
Zhang Ailing once said: "I thought that love can fill the regrets of life." However, what creates more regrets is love. ”
Love is the eternal theme of human beings, and it is also something that women can go to the soup for, and the reason why many women live to the way they don't like is because they still expect perfect love in marriage.
Everything in this world is broken, and even more so love.
Love is a kind of throbbing at first sight, so some people say that "if life is only like the first sight". Love is not perfect, there is no long-term yearning for people, love has its mission, when marriage comes, love will be transformed into affection.
But this is also a fact that most women are not willing to accept, so after entering marriage, there are all kinds of disappointments.
My friend just had an operation not long ago, the uterus grew fibroids, the doctor said that the tumor is too large to be minimally invasive, can only be operated. Looking at her weak self in the mirror, she said remorsefully, where is the sweetness of love, love is the most hurtful thing.
The friend only married him under the attack of her husband's sweet words and sugar-coated shells, and she thought that her love would be as sweet as written in the novel, but soon after the marriage, her husband changed his normal state.
Later, like most women who are bent on perfection for marriage, she can only bear it in the face of her husband's coldness, betrayal, and worse messiness in the marriage.
It wasn't until she boiled all her grievances into toxins that harmed her body that she realized that love was the most poisonous poison in the world.
Someone said: "You can be all the characters you want in your life, such as: a dancer, an entrepreneur, a writer, but the only thing you can't be is a person who has wronged yourself!" ”
The pursuit of perfect results will definitely turn herself into a person who is extremely easy to compromise, and once she chooses to compromise, she will never be strong again.
Don't fantasize too much about perfect love in marriage, if you are lucky, you may meet a man who is willing to spoil you like a child, but if unfortunate, "the man who does not love you will drive you crazy".
The Internet has reported that one of Scotland's longest-lived women, Grandma Jesse, when talking about the secret of her health and longevity, she humorously said four words "stay single". This means that if you want to live a long life, don't fantasize about love, and no one will give you anger when you are far away from men.
There is a witty saying that goes like this: I wanted to find a man to shield myself from the wind and rain, but in the end, the wind and rain in my world were all made by this man.
The greater the hope, the greater the disappointment, and it is right that people who fantasize too much about perfect love will eventually be hurt by the word love.
02 Too high expectations
Zhuangzi once said: Decline is greater than death, and sorrow is greater than ambition.
If a person wants to live meaningfully and worthwhilely, he should set great ambitions, but he must expect from himself.
Many times, we can't help but transfer our ambitions to our relatives, such as women want to live a materially superior life, force men to make money, parents want to change the fate of the family, put their hopes on their children.
So this kind of hope placed on others becomes an excessive expectation.
A few years ago, I and a few classmates used the vacation to do part-time tutoring, I tutored a boy in the second year of junior high school, but as soon as I met the boy, I was very surprised, on a hot day he wore a duck-tongue hat, and the beads of sweat on his face obviously rolled down one by one, but he still refused to take off the hat.
When I was about to leave the house, his mother told me that her son had a thick hair a week ago, but who knew that in a few days, the top of his head would be bald.
At this time, I suddenly remembered a sentence that the boy had asked me before leaving, whether he could improve his grades in a month, and he said that he wanted to enter the city's key high schools, otherwise his mother would be disappointed again.
I suddenly understood that the mother's high expectations gave the child great pressure, and the child's serious physical condition under pressure made the mother anxious.
In family affection, the most lamentable thing is to love and kill each other, obviously you can love each other very much, but due to excessive expectations, you force the other party to become a person who can't love and hates.
Isn't the love and killing between husband and wife also caused by excessive expectations?
A very similar sentence is: no desire is just.
Any thing, a person, a relationship, as long as you do not want anything, must be strong in your heart, but once there is a "hanging obstacle", there is a "terror".
03 Persistent pursuit
Buddhist friends often say a saying: Let go of one thought, and be at ease.
Many times, the pain we live in is because the attachment in our hearts is too heavy. It is right to pursue one thing with all your might, but don't have too heavy gains and losses, otherwise it will become a persistent pursuit.
Everyone has personally experienced that if you pursue one thing too persistently, you will definitely be tied up by this matter.
I have seen many women in marriage, and they refuse to give up again and again to ask men, where are they inferior to others?
Knowing that the words in the other party's mouth are not reliable, but some people have asked for verification again and again, this obsession has actually been consuming themselves, and men will not appreciate a woman who is too obsessed with feelings, because such a woman will let herself be low to the dust for love.
Women, don't always expect perfection, don't pin your hopes on others, many things, the more you care about it, the more you will be hurt by it, but if you can give up some thoughts that shouldn't be there, maybe life will be a lot easier in an instant. There is a saying that goes well: "A man is strong not because of what he has, but because of what she dares to give up." ”
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