Peking University professor suggested cash subsidies for three children of the news you brushed up?
My first reaction was, Oops! I was once afraid of losing my job, and I might actually have the opportunity to receive RMB?
Many first-born mothers in the group firmly said that they would not want one more, let alone two or three.
It's really not a matter of money or no money.
This one baby in the family is simply the old mother's old life! A baby can also hope that the baby will go to kindergarten, and she can return to the workplace and realize herself. Three babies? That proper stay-at-home mother, at least 20 years of hidden problems will also emerge endlessly, the difficulty value tripled. (I cried silently in the corner...) ）
During a live broadcast of Lian Mai, talking about the plight of full-time and working mothers, many listeners silently wiped their tears:
"The child is good, it should be, it is the credit of the whole family." The child is not good, it is all your fault, dragging down the whole family. ”
1 working mom and stay-at-home mom, on both sides of the tightrope
Working mothers, "feel guilty to the family at work, and feel guilty to work in the family." ”
Stay-at-home mom, the whole world thinks you're "just taking a child", but there is no mention of the value you create. Try, before returning home from work, I was called by the leader to work overtime, and when I met a big traffic jam after school, my mothers were the one who was the most heart-wrenching. But few dads feel guilty about staying with their kids or going to work. Try, the child is born, the child is sick, the child holds a parent-teacher conference, who should take a vacation with the baby, any time the wind in the family blows, "you are a mother", this sentence is enough to break the self of any mother.
Try, workplace salary increase, any opportunity for promotion, default priority for men, "in case you get married and have children with two or three children", this sentence can make every workplace gold-collar female Mulan burst into tears.
Scary, is the perpetrator male? More time, the people who are embarrassed by women are women.
Frameworks from same-sex elders, even biological parents, will tell you that "being a mother" should be balala. If you give up your last self, what awaits you is an endless sinking. If you want to have an ego, what awaits you is the accusations and evaluations of thousands of people. Women have been educated since childhood, all the way thinking that "as long as they dare to fight, women are not worse than men", but on the way to growth, they have been beaten in the face, from salary, to promotion, from home, to outside home, from childbearing, to raising...
In the end, I found that no matter how hard I tried, I would always be the first person to be "sacrificed".
More often, "moms" don't have a choice, because the whole world tells you what the "standard" is------ take care of the children, be considerate of the husband, sacrifice yourself, and so on.
The world gives you a hat of "greatness," "goodness," and "greatness," and it doesn't matter who you are, what you dream, what abilities you have other than housework, it doesn't matter.
This hypnosis is eroding every minute and every second, and many women are getting farther and farther away from the "self" in this way.
Mothers' initial struggle is "real", love is really love, husbands are indeed good husbands, but real mothers, even in the tenderness of marriage, still have to face the torn self, there is no way out of the choice. Even if there is light in life, women are still the ones who are "ignored". This contrast is more restrained and more ferocious than the scumbag cheating.
Obviously it's already very good, in fact, is it really good?
Although we don't want to admit it, "Mom is not worth anything", the hardest, most expensive, and longest standby profession in the world, is the cheapest. It is the easiest to blame. The child does not grow, the mother's breast milk has no nutrition; the child is sick, the mother does not take care of it carefully; the child's learning is poor, the mother's education is not in place; the child is not obedient, the mother's mood is not good enough... Not to mention how difficult it is for mothers in left-handed careers and right-hand families to be in the context of generational parenting and widowhood
There is no need for children to have problems, or others to be embarrassed, the psychological and public opinion environment that mothers are in is enough to make mothers stagnate. Guilt, self-blame, repression, tearing... It takes a lot of effort to get out and be yourself. Moms don't need to sing praises and respect, and seeing and supporting them is even caregiving. Mom is not fighting alone, and Mom should not be alone. Mom is not a person, Mom is a "person".
2 Full-time moms are more than full-time dads, is it because of money?
If it is a stage where the child has special needs to be taken care of, one of the parents can accompany it, which is certainly more reassuring than throwing it to the elderly aunt. but:
Full-time ≠ high-quality accompaniment full-time ≠ must love better full-time ≠ does not create wealth value
I don't advocate that whoever has less money must give up their job. Two-person "seesaw" collaboration is more suitable for most families, you are busy on top, you have time to take more handles. What the cause brings to people is not only money, but also social value, a sense of accomplishment, and an example and strength for children. Whether it's a stay-at-home dad or a stay-at-home mom, not having a job is more likely to create "social isolation" that increases depression and anxiety tendencies.
Not being full-time doesn't mean you owe your children. In addition to the newborn stage, children do not need parents to "accompany all day" at all stages, and it is not a bad thing that there are helpers at home.
There are as many ways of cooperation as there are families. The essence is not who is strong and who is weak, but to be able to work together to give children and each other better growth. After all, what children need to feel is the temperature of home, not the amount of money. If whoever has more money is out of the house, the child will feel that "I am the burden of the loser" and will default to the "loser's house". If the child understands that the parents cooperate because of love, not because of the money, they do not feel that childhood is sad. In "How Much is a Mom Worth", it is mentioned that in economics, "free hitchhikers" refer to people who benefit without paying a price, in other words, those who benefit for free. By this definition, families and the global economy are typical free riders, dependent on mothers who work with little or no reward. It is quite possible that mothers and others who care for their children, the sick or the elderly remain the same, regardless of the toils and consequences. In any case, maternal love is the most renewable resource in the world. Sadly, many women underestimate themselves when they are underestimated. The noise of others eventually became an internal conversation. "You can't do it", and finally it becomes "I can't"...
03 Time management: not to manage time, but to make choices
Whether it is a working mother with a left-handed family and a right-handed career, or a full-time mother who is a nanny and a teacher, the biggest problem faced by all mothers is probably "not enough time". The so-called time management, in the final analysis, is only these capabilities:
Prioritize doing what you really love
As a serious interest driver, I have observed many excellent people around me and found a rule that in addition to self-discipline, only extreme love is the root of all great causes. Whether it is the 10,000-hour rule or deliberate practice, the boring process of refinement without a strong internal drive, Ferrari is pushed to run, and can only run out of the speed of external forces.
Try to like what you're doing
The previous one must have been retorted, work is not liked, life is not liked, there is no love of things then what to do? Where humans are superior to animals, in large part, we can "give meaning." In other words, it is not difficult to give "likes". A job, no matter how boring there is a place you like, for this sense, no matter which layer of Maslow's needs, against the money, against the music, against the sense of value, you can make yourself happy to spend every working day.
"Juggling" is always a false proposition
30 years ago, after the Cultural Revolution resumed the college entrance examination, working mothers coaxed their babies to prepare for the exam and read books.
Australian female MPs feed and speak in the presentation, working with their left hand on their right-handed children.
I often say that every mother's daily life is like walking on thin ice, but who is not trying to live?
The previous generation did not talk about taking care of both factors because there was no time to talk, it was too busy, and it was a problem for children to solve the problem of food and clothing. Our generation talks about juggling because we care too much about the "feeling" itself and forget that everyone has feelings. There are so many choices in the world, we choose what we are determined at that time, no one forces no one to cheat, what kind of mother to become, or magnify a little, what kind of person to become, isn't there more choice we have today?
Just like in the acrobatic show, the ball in the Hands of the Joker, before the Joker only wanted 2 balls, now he wants 5 balls. More desire, stronger ability, beautiful flowers, cool yourself, face your heart. If you can't give up, embrace your obsession. The amazing existence of the brain is really much more interesting than computers and AI, it does not rely on algorithms and data, but every neuron is a superhero muscle that can be practiced and reshaped. It can be multithreaded, switch freely, self-healing, and deliberately practiced.
This means that you can practice it to do very little, you can practice it to do a lot of things, and you can practice switching between the two. We spend not just our own time, but a life of our own choosing. In time, we record our most important choices and the most meaningful lives.
You are your time. In this process, the emotions we see and can't see, the relationships we are in, the groups we belong to, and the strategies we use become part of ourselves. If you just cut the time apart and become one unit of time on the task list, it seems to be more tiring to live. Because there are always emergencies, filling the empty space of dissatisfaction, and the unfinished business, there will always be people feeling "tired" and "tired" from the heart.
For example, when I originally decided to purchase, I suddenly found that the home leaked, the child had a fever, and the elderly were sick. Not because there is too much force majeure, but because we don't have enough power to face uncertainty. At this time, maybe you need to have a voice to tell yourself that I always have time, I always have choices, I always have a way to make every choice meaningful.
Let go of yourself, life is only "now"
I particularly like a one-size-fits-all theory called "flow." Dr. Mihai, the master of positive psychology, once pointed out in his book "Flow" that when people do certain things, they are fully engrossed and engaged in self-forgetfulness - a state in which you don't even feel the existence of time, and after this thing is done, we will have a feeling of energy and great satisfaction. Living in the present, it is possible to turn interests into strengths, strengths into strengths, strengths into professions, and professions into achievements.
For example, when accompanying a baby, enjoy the emotional flow between the child and you, be the child's playmate with full affection, play vividly and innocently like a child, feel the warm love, the parent-child relationship is good, and the family education is good.
For example, when working, put aside trivial information and endless emails, and give yourself a small moment of full commitment to the mission.
For example, when drinking tea with friends, forget about the phone and ignore the time, think about the most beautiful moments between you and each other's heartfelt support and companionship.
For example, when studying, don't worry about learning for ten minutes or two hours, and continue to continue excitedly when you start, interacting with wisdom and unknown depth...
In this way, every role, every relationship, every hour of your life is happy and enjoyable, not rushing and tired. Because you are "alive", not "paying off debts". Some people say that people with choices are lucky people. But man's progress can never be achieved by good luck alone. What comes to life, accept it. Regardless of the good cards or the bad cards, try to play them well.
As for the definition of winning and losing itself, and the estimation and effort behind it, the cost is only known to themselves. Mom, don't lie to yourself that you have to take care of everything, don't tell yourself that you don't have time, and don't keep attacking yourself in the choice of taking care of one or the other.
Mom, don't hypnotize yourself about how hard it is to be born as a human being, and "love" every role and thing you choose. Ask yourself: Do you choose or not? Do you love or not? Paying for your own choices is the real "growth".
As for whether the third child will give money or not, I have already received my "gift of life", and the rest, let him go!