"Lonely Rock"
It is relatively common for some shy children to blush when they see strangers. As we age, this manifestation of flushing only appears occasionally.
But some people, even after entering adolescence, are still afraid of interpersonal interactions, and they are nervous and blush when they see strangers, which not only embarrasses themselves, but also makes others feel very strange.
▼ Guangzhou heard that Mr. Fei Rin, the chief counselor of the Psychological Counseling Center, explained for you: A 16-year-old boy is afraid of dating and blushs when he sees strangers.
Lin Yong (pseudonym), a 16-year-old high school boy.
He has good academic performance, has a more introverted personality, and has not interacted with classmates much. Before junior high school, he had been studying outside the home with his working parents, but due to the restrictions of his school status in high school, his parents could only let him return to his hometown to study.
After returning to his hometown, facing the new learning environment and interpersonal relationships, Lin Yong felt a strong discomfort, unable to integrate into the class, the first exam started, the grades declined, and now hovering at the middle level, it is difficult to improve.
At the same time, he feels that others like to "look" at him, wants to escape from other people's eyes, resulting in a more introverted personality, never taking the initiative to interact with others, but feeling in his heart that he should not be like this, and now, as long as he talks to strangers, he will blush.
When you see a stranger, you will blush uncontrollably, which not only makes Lin Yong very troubled, but also makes his parents very worried. Lin Yong learned some ways to relax his emotions himself, but it didn't work when he saw people.
Accompanied by his parents, Lin Yong came to look for the help of psychological counseling, hoping to find the real reason for his state and solve it.
"Lonely Rock"
The first time is when the parents accompany them to communicate with the parents and children separately and learn more about the children's situation. After several consultations, I learned that Lin Yong's parents do not have a high level of education, they are usually busy with work, their education methods are relatively simple and rude, and their children will take the way of beating and scolding if they are disobedient.
Mothers take care of their children more, and when they encounter problems, they will constantly accuse and nag, repeatedly emphasizing "serious consequences"; The father usually has no time to discipline, and once the child makes a mistake, it is often solved by violence, so Lin Yong is very afraid of his father.
Lin Yong remembers that the first time he blushed when he faced a stranger was in the fourth grade of elementary school, when he was beaten by his father, his whole face was hot, and his face still had five handprints of his father's slap, he was afraid that others would see this shameful fingerprint, in order not to let others know that he was beaten by his father, he began to avoid interacting with others.
When everyone interacts with people they are not familiar with or more important, they are prone to tension or excitement, and reflexively cause human sympathetic nerve excitement, resulting in increased secretion of norepinephrine and other substances, so that people's heartbeat is faster, capillaries are dilated, and a state of blushing appears.
This is a normal reaction in interpersonal communication and slowly disappears over time.
But Lin Yong was afraid that others would see the handprint marks on his face and talk about himself, so he felt very embarrassed, embarrassed, unable to relax, the sympathetic nerves were more excited, and the degree of blush increased. Because he pays special attention to the evaluation of others about himself, he pays special attention to blushing, and the more he cares, the more nervous he is, and the more nervous his body is, the redder his face is.
When Lin Yong felt in his heart that inexplicable blush in interpersonal communication was something he could not accept, he would focus on how to stop this phenomenon. As a result, the more controlled it gets, the more out of control, and the face becomes more and more prone to redness.
"Lonely Rock"
This frustrating experience will make him worry that he will lose control and blush before interacting with others, and always pay attention to whether he has blushed when interacting.
Over time, excitement will form in the corresponding area of the brain, as long as you enter a similar situation, your face will be hot, your heart will be anxious, and you are worried that others will talk about it or ridicule, which in turn makes him more nervous and more evasive to face strangers, thus forming a vicious circle of obsessiveness.
This symptom sometimes generalizes, initially for a particular situation or a particular group, and then this discomfort and fear generalizes to classmates, friends, and even family members.
In view of Lin Yong's situation, he helped him understand the nature and extent of his problems, and formulated a series of adjustment plans.
1. Eliminate psychological fear through relevant psychological counseling techniques
In the consultation room, through relaxation therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy, systematic desensitization therapy, Morita therapy, hypnosis and other psychological counseling techniques to help Lin Yong vent his inner tension, adjust his cognition, reduce psychological pressure, relieve his anxiety and fear, his tension and worry about blush are slowly decreasing, thus interrupting the vicious circle caused by this.
Through several consultations, his blushing symptoms were alleviated and eliminated again and again.
"Lonely Rock"
Second, accept yourself honestly and improve interpersonal relationships
Behind Lin Yong's poor social interaction is the fear that he will not be liked and feel that he is not good enough. The counselor helps Lin Yong to be honest with himself, allow his imperfections, see his strengths and strengths, and gradually change his opinion of himself.
At the same time, strengthen communication with parents so that parents can understand their children better. With the improvement of the parent-child relationship, Lin Yong's confidence gradually increased, and people became optimistic and happy.
When Lin Yong's inner defense and hostility towards others decreased, and his heart became gentler and full of kindness, he found that others were more willing to get close to him and more friendly to him. When he takes the initiative to communicate with others, he can also feel the goodwill and understanding of others, and can also accept the rejection and helplessness of others.
3. Parents' cooperation
Lin Yong is in the period of adolescence and rebellion, and the parents' rough and simple discipline methods will make children have an inferiority complex and rebellious psychology, which is not conducive to the child's mental health and personality integrity.
In view of Lin Yong's lack of self-confidence, parents are encouraged to see the advantages of their children, and when it is time to appreciate, they should express their appreciation and love for their children, so that he has the confidence to face various environments and experience, convey friendliness and love in getting along with others.
Usually communicate with children more, the topic is not limited to academics, you can listen to children's feelings and views on society, life, interpersonal and other aspects, let children say what they think in their hearts, and express them in a safe way, so as to reduce children's "muffled death".
After a period of consultation, Lin Yong's inner conflict and tension decreased, and he had more strength to invest in learning and socializing, learning slowly caught up, no longer blushing when meeting strangers, he could take the initiative to communicate with others, and also strengthened sports exercise, actively participated in group activities, and let himself actively integrate into the group.
"Lonely Rock"