Emotional fluctuations are things that every child will experience in the process of growing up, many children are not emotionally stable after entering junior high school, and they lose their temper at every turn, which makes parents very distressed, so they seek psychological counseling.
Ms. Gao asks for help:
My son is 14 years old this year, the second year of junior high school, has always been very competitive, and has always been excellent in learning. Since switching to a better school, the competitive pressure is very high.
I feel that my son has too high requirements for himself, such as a subject with 96 points, and the first place is only 2 points behind, he feels that he has not been able to get the first, he feels very lost, uncomfortable, and feels that he can't do it.
We are very confused, because we have been very busy at work and have not paid much attention to him, so we are financially prosperous and have more relaxed requirements for our children, and we only hope that he will be happy.
We often comfort and enlighten him to calm his mind, but recently my son's learning has dropped a lot, from the first place in the class to the tenth.
We think this grade is also OK, but my son is very devastated, depressed every day, feels that he must be admitted to the first place, and must go to XX school in high school (provincial focus, very difficult).
Now the child's emotions fluctuate, very fragile, sensitive and anxious, sometimes like a roller coaster, the central situation will fluctuate up and down several times a day, one will be good and one will be bad, and there is no reason to feel irritable.
Sometimes after a few nagging words, he broke out, all kinds of tantrums, and cried, there were signs of boredom, and even mentioned in the diary that he wanted to die.
We were all frightened, very anxious, and didn't know what to do.
Interpretation of Adolescent Psychological Counseling:
Adolescence is a period of rapid physical growth, but also a period of gradual psychological maturity, and is also called "rebellion period" or "rebellion period" by parents.
During this period, the child's heart is full of changes and conflicts, and it is also a period of high incidence of various psychological disorders.
First, the inner changes of adolescent children
Children during this period are often emotionally intense and fickle.
In this continuous state, it is also easier for them to become sensitive and vulnerable, and when they encounter dissatisfaction and psychological imbalance, the long-term accumulated emotions will burst out at once.
Many parents sometimes do not understand what is going on, and the child's dissatisfaction will erupt, which makes parents feel confused and do not know how to get along with their children.
During this period, children have more and more inner thoughts, have more opinions of their own, and are dissatisfied with the parents' way of discipline, but due to the limitations of the environment and habits, they have to suppress themselves.
At this time, if the parents interfere too much, the child will feel irritable, self-esteem will be frustrated, and it is easy to conflict with the parents.
Psychoanalyst Winnicott said that if a child vents out the aggression that fills the body without fear, it is beneficial to his growth and development.
If parents can sort out their children's irritability and rebellion, and use understanding and tolerance to fully vent their inner emotions, they can help adolescent children regulate their emotions more intelligently.
In addition, if the child has some behavioral changes during adolescence, be sure to observe the child's emotional state in time:
Observe whether they are extremely depressed or very irritable, and you can also observe whether the change in children's emotions affects their learning and life.
If the above situation occurs, it may not be a simple adolescent rebellion, ("bipolar disorder", also known as bipolar disorder, is also an extreme mood swing),
At this time, it should be paid more attention to by parents, and it is recommended to seek the evaluation and intervention of professional psychological counselors.
Second, the reason why the child is too demanding of himself
At present, the child's mood is restless, and the expectations for themselves are too high, but this expectation sometimes exceeds their actual ability, but there is no way to reduce the expectations.
The requirements for self are too high and the child is plunged into pain again and again, but for the child, it is not enough to calm the mind.
Many children themselves know that they are too demanding of themselves, but they do not know how to solve this problem concretely.
To help your child, you need to assess your child's situation specifically in order to find the right way for your child to actually do it.
▼ So, in general, why do children have such high demands on themselves?
1、1
Impact of the social environment
An important objective reason is that people put too much emphasis on the importance of grades, whether at home or in school.
Even if some parents or teachers do not have explicit requirements for their children, they may subtly convey some attitudes in words or behaviors:
For example, when parents hear that other people's children have good grades, express praise and praise, etc., or the teacher is more enthusiastic about the students with good grades, etc., this is likely to trigger the situation that the child is too demanding of himself.
2、1
Unable to accept yourself
When a person cannot accept his true self, there will also be a situation where he or she is too demanding of himself.
Not being unconditionally accepted by parents at a young age, being overly demanding, or being emotionally neglected by parents at an early age can lead to a person's inability to accept himself.
They may see themselves according to the judgment of others, trying to meet the expectations of others. Parents' requirements for their children, children will be internalized into their own requirements for a long time.
And when parents always ignore themselves, many children will also try to make themselves better to get the attention and love of their parents.
Third, the child needs help
From a psychological point of view, children who are overly concerned about winning or losing are actually sending a signal that I need help.
They need the attention of their parents, the closeness and love of their parents.
Excessive competitive needs often come from the child's inner loneliness, lack of attention, lack of help, and lack of control.
So the child has to make himself feel better by winning, by being the first, by beating the opponent.
Children are constantly growing, parents need to correct the mentality, understand the child's growth rules, see the child's frustration feelings, truly understand the child, in order to guide the child to face the setback with the appropriate mentality.
A child with a strong heart has a parent who can see and accept him from an early age.
If properly guided, helping children bravely face frustration and accumulating ways to cope with setbacks is a good time to help them grow and cultivate a strong heart.
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