After 11 years of marriage, my husband said that I had finished the money in the "marriage bank"

Hello everyone, I am the circle owner Hua Chuan (Chuan Ma), who has a son and a daughter. He studied in Europe and is a positive parent correctional instructor in the United States. Here to share with you the knowledge of second child pregnancy, childbirth, childcare, as well as the parent-child education experience of their own two treasures. Today, I would like to share my circle friends' contributions.

Chuan Mama said: There is also an "emotional account" in the marriage relationship, and when the money in the account is almost withdrawn, the husband and wife relationship should be called to the police. Therefore, everyone in marriage needs immediate awareness and instant stop loss. Today I would like to share with you the efforts made by a wife to repair the relationship between husband and wife after she fell seriously ill.

Wen | For Love Born Age: 40 Occupation: College Teacher

I am 40 years old and a college teacher. Because I was sick last year for surgery, my work is now easier, and my working hours are basically used to write dissertations, and I can commute to work on time.

The main task at home is to accompany two children and do housework.

I am more irritable, sometimes tired or the child does not cooperate, will be angry, tantrums, shouting, my husband is very dissatisfied with this.

My husband is 39 years old, a civil servant, busy at work, and often works overtime. He's macho and likes to control everything. I like to have the kids and I do what he says because he feels he's right.

Especially if I don't do what he says, he'll be angry. He thinks he's talking about something that's been tested by his life experience. He hopes to pass on his life experience to his children, so that they can do what he says and avoid detours.

My husband belongs to the emotional delicate type, the emotional needs are more, my emotional needs are less, he pays attention to details, and anger will be born for a long time. He also attaches great importance to the growth of his children, and often sends me some articles, which I sometimes do not read in time.

We met in college (pen pals, not in the same city), were in love for 5 years (4 years in a long-distance relationship), and were married for 11 years. He always thought I didn't love him and just got used to being with him to get married.

Eldest son, January 2013. In the third grade of primary school, the academic performance is OK, but some details still need to be strengthened, especially now that his father always kills him, his father kills him, he stays even more, his father is more angry, a vicious circle.

The youngest son, in July 2016, kindergarten class, concentration needs to be strengthened, more like to observe the color, very much like the father likes.

My in-laws and we lived together to help with the babysitting, Grandpa was in charge of pick-up and drop-off, and Grandma was in charge of weekday dinner.

I cook at home on weekends. Housework is also mainly done by me. The husband often works overtime, often ignores the children, and does not do housework.

He's been working lately on a renovation of another of our houses.

He often said that if we both change, I would go to the renovation and he would be busy with the children. But I couldn't do the work he did (renovation).

Recently there has been a cold war.

My husband has always felt that I have not grown, especially after graduating from graduate school and going to work, in the past 10 years, there has been no progress in interpersonal relationships, personal emotions, planning, thinking, and the educational concept of accompanying children.

He always said that he thought I was a piece of jade, but there were some flaws, and after polishing, it was a good piece of jade, but now he thought that I was a pool of stagnant water, there was no fresh water coming in, and nothing could be done.

He usually has many complaints about me, thinking that I am not planned enough, think poorly, do not learn, and have a bad impact on my children. There is no long-term plan for the child's growth, and so on.

He wants not to affect my children because of my lack of personal growth.

He gave us a lot of care during my surgery and treatment, including my father's illness, including thinking, planning, and planning for me often. He felt that not only was I unappreciative, but he also made him angry.

Listen to Chuan Mama's intimate relationship preview class before. I think the inflection point in our relationship may be more of a soft power aspect. In terms of hard power, I don't think I'm much worse than him, and my job income is still higher than his. I am an associate professor at a university.

So more is the gap in soft power, perhaps for such a long time, not enough learning, not enough thinking, not enough reflection, so the growth is limited.

My husband always said that our marriage is like a bank, I have now finished the money in it, did not save money in it, the balance is insufficient, I now urgently need to recharge into the bank reservoir of our marriage, do a good job of communication, and care more about him.

This time, I signed up for the course on the relationship between Sichuan mother and husband, mainly with the following goals:

First, I want to grow. Chuan Mama said before, who suffers and who progresses, the main contradiction between us seems to be in me. He was busy with renovations, his family, and the relationships needed to gain a foothold in this unfamiliar city. I can't do any of this, so I should take care of my home. So I hope that my soft power will be enhanced and reach the level he expects.

Second, enhance your communication skills. We basically communicate very little now, except for issues involving children. He felt that I didn't care about him and didn't care much about him before I got sick, and he thought he cared about me a lot and did treat me better.

I feel that I am still a patient myself, I have to manage my body well, but also manage the child, and there is no extra time and energy to care for him.

Third, I hope that my children can grow up in a harmonious and relaxed family atmosphere. I can't change him, I can only change myself. How should I face his various irritable situations?

He now thinks he's giving a lot for his family and hasn't been recognized by his family. He wanted me to say more about his parents and children in the future and affirm him. For example, house decoration, external interpersonal relationships, etc., the child's long-term planning, he is very concerned.

In the blink of an eye, the course on the relationship between husband and wife is nearing its end.

First of all, I would like to thank Mama Chuan and several teachers for their guidance and help to me during the 21-day course study.

During this time, the relationship between husband and wife has eased a lot, the husband has returned early in recent days, went out with us to exercise at night, took the child out to exercise, the parent-child relationship has also improved a lot, and recently there has been no tantrum at home, no tantrum at the child.

Intimate relationship is the pillar of family relationship, husband and wife relationship is good, parent-child relationship will be good, the whole family atmosphere will be good, children will grow up very happy, very happy.

Through the 21-day course, my cognitive level and ideological concepts have changed greatly.

First, although intimacy is related to both husband and wife, change must start with oneself.

Everyone has to face their own growth, their own shortcomings, recognize their inner world, and reflect on their daily deficiencies.

When others give you opinions and suggestions, adopt an attitude of listening with an open mind, rather than confrontation and resistance, so that most of the family conflicts will disappear.

A lot of my husband's dissatisfaction with me is because when he gives me advice and suggestions, I either don't say a word, or confront him, even if the response is perfunctory, not sincere.

And he also thinks that I subtly brought this attitude to the child, which caused a bad impact on the child.

After learning the course, he put forward opinions and suggestions to me, and I humbly accepted, corrected in time, and gave him feedback.

Second, recognize the importance of communication.

He has said many times before that the two of us have poor communication, and there are many times when I do not think about communicating with him in advance, especially some things that he cares about and values, and I do not communicate with him in advance.

For example, like before, if I was tired, I didn't tell him, and at night with the child, I would lose my temper and shout, and I didn't have a good face after he came back from work. Always arguing, complaining, complaining, not communicating with him in a rational and peaceful tone.

In fact, if I want him to come back early, I can communicate with him and say, "Husband please come back early tonight, I feel more tired today." Can you come back early in the evening to spend time with your children? "I think he would definitely come back early without being busy."

Third, in fact, if people in the family drink water, cold and warm self-knowledge, the contradictions of each family are different, the key lies in whether they have achieved their inner peace and inner satisfaction.

I did take on more of a role in the family. But if in the process, I have a good time with my children, I clean the house very clean, and I make delicious meals for my family, it is not only a process of giving, but also a process of harvesting.

In this process, I gain a sense of satisfaction, I will feel that my heart is very rich and full, and I will not complain or complain.

If I always feel that I have done too much and I am angry in my heart, I should use a good communication attitude to negotiate with my partner and hope that he will help me share the burden.

Fourth, you are persistent.

21 days of study is just the beginning, if you want to make a lasting change in the relationship between husband and wife for more than ten years, I want to continue to work hard so that he can see my long-term changes, not just the changes during the period of studying courses. Thank you again, teachers.

After the study, I also made a plan for my future.

First, the work aspect

1. Three-year plan: build yourself into a person with high decision-making consulting skills and research report writers. After completing the doctoral thesis, he paid close attention to the dynamics of national and provincial vocational education, made suggestions and suggestions for the development of the school, and strived to improve the scientific research ability and level of school teachers.

2. Annual plan: complete the writing of the doctoral thesis and complete the writing of the small paper.

3. Monthly plan: 3,000 words per day on weekdays and 60,000 words a month.

4. Weekly plan: 3,000 words a day, 5 days a week, 15,000 words a week.

Second, the physical aspect

1. Three-year plan: regular review, review once every three months within two years, review once every six months within 5 years, consider going to ovarian surgery next year, adhere to endocrine therapy, and insist on exercise.

2. Annual plan, complete targeted therapy, regular review, adhere to exercise.

3. Monthly plan: targeted therapy and endocrine therapy, adhere to exercise.

4. Weekly list: exercise 5 days a week, no less than half an hour a day, including walking, skipping rope, etc., further learning, follow the mobile APP to use the evening time to jump exercises, increase aerobic exercise, learn to practice yoga.

Third, the spiritual aspect

1. Three-year plan: Let your emotions always be in a relatively peaceful state, and keep learning.

2. Annual Plan: Actively communicate and communicate with others.

3. Monthly plan: Continue to learn the previous parent-child education course after learning the course, after learning the parent-child course, insist on reading for half an hour at noon every day, and summarize the day and plan the next day every evening.

4. Weekly Checklist: Don't lose your temper, keep reading, reflect, summarize and plan.

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