Summary of the growth of the mother of the two children: In the context of "double subtraction", cultivate the soil of family education.

Hello everyone, I am the circle owner Hua Chuan (Chuan Ma), who has a son and a daughter. He studied in Europe and is a positive parent correctional instructor in the United States. Here to share with you the knowledge of second child pregnancy, childbirth, childcare, as well as the parent-child education experience of their own two treasures. Today, I would like to share my circle friends' contributions.

Chuan Mama said: Parents need to practice continuously, even if you are an educator, you can't stop self-education and self-growth on the road to child-rearing. Today, I would like to share with you the growth path of a teacher's mother.

Wen | Ruting Eldest child 10 years old Child 3 years old Coordinates: Xiangyang, Hubei

We were a family of six, grandpa, grandma, dad, mom, brother, brother, the old man ate differently with us, but all lived in the same yard. Dad civil servant, mom teacher and management, all belong to the early out and late return, occasional overtime a little busy type, evening and weekend can accompany the baby.

My brother was in the fourth grade and finished in the top five. My younger brother was about to turn three and prepare to enter the kindergarten.

Usually, grandpa picks up and drops off brothers, grandma takes care of daily life, and the two take turns to take care of their brothers, but the two old men are not full-time with babies, and it takes about two or three hours a day to have scattered part-time jobs.

The current problems are:

The brother is sensitive, fragile, not confident, chronic, weak in the concept of time, and loves to justify.

He sometimes loves his brother and sometimes lacks patience, and likes to argue with him to grab items, mainly because the younger brother plucks the older brother first.

The younger brother is active and mischievous, and the grandparents are a bit overwhelmed. Mainly the guardian is not fixed, take turns to take it, often play in the janitor's room, the neighbors in the yard like to tease him, the language method is very vulgar, over time, the is angry.

Dad has a strict attitude towards his children, the method is simple and rude, and the educational concepts of the husband and wife are not in line, and they often have different opinions.

With these questions in mind, I signed up for Chuan Ma's online parent training camp.

21 days of online learning, in the blink of an eye. The original plan was just in time for the winter vacation, you can digest the practice well, but I did not expect to collide with the sudden 23-day provincial inspection perfect period, busy and happy.

Because of this systematic learning, I have mastered a series of practical and targeted and highly operable positive discipline tools, refreshed many old cognitions, and benefited a lot.

First, the biggest harvest

1, always have a voice to give yourself a positive psychological hint: gentle, firm.

I used to hear these two words often, but I didn't understand the deep meaning, and I didn't know how to balance the two at the same time.

Through learning to fully understand, "gentle" is to respect the child's physical and mental development law, understand the child, link empathy, establish a sense of security and trust, then the education can enter the brain into the heart and leave traces;

Firmness is to respect facts and objective laws, adhere to principles and bottom lines, and ensure the physical and mental safety of children. At the same time, parents should lead by example and do it themselves in the front, and the child will naturally be imperceptible.

2, understand the structure of the brain.

Understand that when the child is in trouble, his brain is controlled by the amygdala, the rational brain does not work at all, at this time, the truth with the child will be translated into threatening and anxious information by the amygdala, and no matter how much we talk about it, we can't get into their brains. When parents know these basic rules, they can truly understand their children, press the pause button in time, start their rational brains, calmly cope with children's problems, and reduce anxiety.

3. Learn to use multiple effective positive discipline tools.

"Limited Choices" can well solve the younger brother's behavior of getting up and turning off the lights;

Through "Mom is not a repeating machine" to train the clichéd brother to brush his teeth perfunctory problem;

Through "Correcting before first linking" and "Mistakes are a great opportunity to learn" and "Error Repair Trilogy", he helped his brother correct the small problems of losing three and four, and also objectively reviewed and analyzed the lost points in the final examination paper;

Through a series of courses such as "Parenting Essentials for a Second-Child Family" and "How to Share", the dispute between the two treasures was more harmoniously balanced;

Through "Treat Children Equally", he corrected the misplaced behavior that he had never realized before, and his brother obviously did not have the strong resistance as before;

Through the practice of "Letting Go", train my brother to borrow and return books and buy breakfast for his family alone;

Through the production of the daily routine table, I found that the progress of the winter vacation homework has made great progress compared with the previous period, basically without my supervision, it can be completed on time and in quantity, as of now it has progressed smoothly, and it is not a problem to complete five books years ago haha.

In addition, the two tools of emotional management and family meetings are not only of great benefit to parent-child relationships, but also to the relationship between husband and wife and the issue of intergenerational support.

For example, now whenever the educational concept and the elderly and the husband have objections, I will no longer argue, but will calmly move out of the "expert said", through the mouth of the expert euphemism, or forward the case points in the family group, learn and understand together, imperceptibly, and then plan to discuss and reach consensus through family meetings.

Second, the existing deficiencies

There are also some methods and tools learned that are not practiced enough, such as "Time Management", "Special Time", "Pocket Money", "Encouragement and Praise" and "Family Meetings", and the above tools will be focused on later consolidation review.

Especially time management, we must start from ourselves and gradually complete the wish list;

Encouragement and praise are often confused, and this requires a lot of practice;

Family meetings are not frequent enough to be carried out even if the members are not diverse.

The most prominent problem is that more is known, less used, and all tools need to be constantly practiced in order to really work.

Third, the future planning

Looking back at the original intention of learning, the dispute between the two treasures that I most want to improve, the emotional problems of my brother and the educational philosophy of my old father are all in the process of gradual revision, but there is still some gap with the completely ideal state.

In the future, in view of the above deficiencies, it is necessary to further consolidate the review and then strengthen the practice item by item.

In particular, the two cornerstones of time management and emotional management are the premise of carrying out virtuous circle family education, which still needs continuous cultivation.

Skillfully use a series of positive discipline tools, in the context of "double subtraction", cultivate children's learning habits and living habits, cultivate the soil of family education, make long-term planning for children, and let children grow up healthy and happy physically and mentally.

Finally, I sincerely thank the tutors of Huachuan Classroom for their professional counseling and meticulous follow-up services, and I am very glad that before the arrival of the eldest adolescence, in the critical period of the enlightenment of the second eldest, I met you who are full of educational feelings and great love, and the future can be expected to continue to move forward!

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