Hello everyone, I am the circle owner Hua Chuan (Chuan Ma), who has a son and a daughter. He studied in Europe and is a positive parent correctional instructor in the United States. Here to share with you the knowledge of second child pregnancy, childbirth, childcare, as well as the parent-child education experience of their own two treasures. Today, I would like to share my circle friends' contributions.
Chuan Mama said: In the two treasure houses, the parents' way of educating each child will also directly or indirectly affect another child; if parents can establish a harmonious parent-child relationship with each child, the relationship between the two children will not be too bad. Today, I would like to share with you the experience and insights of a mother of two in the parent class.
Wen | Little June Daughter 11 and a half years old, son 6 years old Coordinates: Yanjiao, Hebei
The family has a son and a daughter, in the eyes of outsiders we are a happy family of four who form the word "good", in fact, life is a chicken feather.
Dad used to work in Beijing, went home on Saturdays and Sundays, and when he returned home, he basically kept his mobile phone and computer in his hands, and accompanied his children less. Now Dad is working in the field again, coming back once a month, and occasionally video with the children, seemingly harmonious.
Mom is a freelancer, working from home, taking care of two children at the same time, and occasionally grandparents will come to her aid when she is busy.
Daughter 11 years old, sixth grade, academic performance class more than ten, reported dance for four years, because I feel tired to stop, eloquence reported for two years also stopped, English, Olympic numbers, big language have recently stopped, because back to complete the homework, there is no point.
My sister loves to read extracurricular books, but she has no concept of time, weak self-control ability, sensitivity, and lack of security. In terms of learning, when chatting in the last second, I was still ambitious, writing various endeavor aphorisms, three minutes of blood, writing homework on the original form, not writing ten minutes can not continue.
Every time I write homework, I either come out to drink water, rummage through the refrigerator, find snacks, or go to the toilet and start reading extracurricular books when adults are not paying attention. Often asked to lock the door, lock the door in the house to read extracurricular books, homework is not written, grinding until you have to write before writing.
For this reason, I often got angry with my girlfriend and beat her up. The relationship between mother and daughter is getting worse and worse, and they are saying the harshest and most ugly words to each other, which is like mother and daughter, and they are about to become enemies.
In this atmosphere, the younger brother also becomes sensitive and insecure. What he feared most was that my sister and I would quarrel. One day my brother's words stung me deeply. He said, "Mom, you and your sister are quarreling, I feel so scared, I don't want to live." ”
I was suddenly scared, because every time we quarreled, my brother would be scared to cry. I brutally educated my sister, but I also hurt my brother.
In fact, I wanted to give them love, but as a result, I invisibly hurt them.
So, I made up my mind to change myself, first of all, to try to improve the parent-child relationship with my sister.
Recently, I saw my sister reading extracurricular books, I was no longer angry, the tone also changed, "look at it for a while, adjust it and quickly enter the homework state", my sister can't put down the book quickly, but at least I did not argue, which is also a reference from Chuan Ma's circle of friends.
Now in the face of my sister, when I feel that I am going to get angry, I quickly retreat, although some problems are still not solved, but at least, I and the children are relaxed, no longer sword fighting.
The younger brother is six years old, the first grade, the boy is inevitably very naughty, always in the sister's study, life, all the time to tease the sister. The sister is in adolescence, and often in an instant, the two will fight because of a little thing.
The sisters and brothers often grab the toilet, two toilets, two people have to use one, eat the same, play also.
My brother still likes to stick to me, I go to my sister's house for a minute, my brother has to follow, if you don't follow, you have to let him watch TV, once you watch TV, your sister can't concentrate...
In short, in the face of the education of two children, whether it is the delay in the girl's homework, the bad habits in life, or the conflict between the sisters and brothers. As a mother, I am often overwhelmed.
I have been paying attention to Chuan Mama's parent-child education for a long time, at the beginning I read Chuan Mama's "Gentle and Firm Parenting", and later I reported Chuan Mama's parent course, these days of course learning, it is really a lot of benefits!
From the first five warm-up classes to the three classes of the current formal parenting course, I really felt the problems in myself - I was a "brick + control" mother.
The scariest thing was that I wasn't aware of my problems for a long time. In the past, I found that the child's problem was either roaring or hysterical, just venting his emotions, and did not solve the problem. It also left a deep wound on the child.
From the course, I learned that as a mother, I should be gentle and firm, and I should not be stingy with hugs and encouragement when it is time to encourage. I didn't do as well as my two children, because I hadn't been hugged like this in my original family, so I didn't know how to express it, and I felt a bit contrived and embarrassed to express it.
Even so, after listening to the lesson, I gave the children as many hugs as possible, and the habit became natural, so that they could perceive love and strength. My change made them a lot more happy, and all three of them were a lot happier.
The first important learning gain is the "family meeting".
On the issue of snacking, we had a small family meeting because Dad couldn't participate in the field, which may have been a bit worse, but it was still very good.
I imitated Chuan's mother's teaching video and said to the two children: "Let's have a family meeting once a week to discuss the problems of snacking, learning, and life for the week, so that we can improve and improve." At the beginning of each family meeting, each of us makes a thank you. ”
At first, the girl was reluctant and said, "Thank you for what?" What is there to be thankful for? ”
The son listened very seriously, very curious, and thought it was very interesting.
The topic we are discussing today is the issue of snacking. I said, "I found that you two eat snacks very casually, eat whenever you want, eat as much as you want, eat as much as you want, eat too much is not good for your health, I usually say that you don't listen, and decided to solve it in the form of a family meeting...
I recommend eating snacks once a week, I can take you to the supermarket to buy them, but I need my mother to check the quality... When it's time for family meetings, we can share snacks, discuss problems, reach rules, rules can't be changed, and if anyone breaks the rules, we won't buy snacks next week..."
The girl still said dismissively: "It's too boring, what?" I disagree, I can eat it whenever I want! ”
Instead of getting angry, I said, "It's okay not to follow the rules, and I won't buy snacks again." ”
The girlfriend said I had pocket money. I said yes, when the pocket money is spent, I will not give it again. Until you can follow the rules.
I said there were two options: One was to follow the rules and have a snack once on the weekend. Second, if you don't follow the rules, you won't buy snacks in the future.
The younger brother and sister discussed it for a while, but finally decided to follow the rules.
The rules have been in place for two days.
The issue of snacking has improved significantly. In the past, the girlfriend often opened the refrigerator by herself, wanted to eat what she wanted, and could not stop eating, and her son also had a kind of learning. But after the rules were set, every time the girl opened the refrigerator, she would ask her mother's opinion. "Mom, can I eat fruit, is fruit a snack?" I said I could eat fruit.
What I want to say is that from the girl's various objections at the beginning to the active cooperation in the implementation of the rules, the two children have made significant progress, and the control of both treasures has improved.
There are still snacks in the refrigerator, and they are still eaten once in a while, but they are much better than before. I know that everything doesn't happen overnight, and I believe that by slowly adjusting through a weekly family meeting, the children will get better and better.
The second gain was to learn how to deal with two children quarreling.
The quarrel between the two children often occurs in my family, and when it is serious, the two people will move, often crying and chirping, and if they are not handled well, it is a family war.
Today the two children started the first day of their holiday. The girl said that the exam had just ended, and today she would have to take a day off and do nothing. I said yes.
She looked at the English animation in the English tablet. The son also wants to see, the sister does not give, the son chases, the sister hides, the son chases while complaining: "Mother sister does not show me." I didn't lose my temper, I just said, "You two discuss, two choices, one is friendly consultation to see together; the other is not to look at anyone." ”
The sister was not happy, all kinds of tricks, still holding the tablet, still wanted to see for themselves, the younger brother still chased, I said: "The tablet first give me, you two calm down in the room, give you ten minutes to consider and discuss." Then I walked away.
As a result, in less than five minutes, the two of them came to me and said that they were reconciled, saying, "If we don't reconcile, we can't watch, and we are not happy (the fixed half hour), and then the time has passed." It's not a perfect solution, but it's all a good start. Hopefully, they will learn to discuss and solve problems in the future.
The third harvest, about the preparation and arrangement of "taking the baby out".
In the past, when I took the baby out, I was often busy, helping the children prepare clothes, various matters, the children also rubbed all kinds of rubbing, resulting in always going out late, making me a stomach angry, nagging while walking, the children are still very annoyed, saying that every time I go out, I will affect everyone's good mood.
Today's noon is a dinner party for girlfriends' friends and parents, and the fixed time is 11.20 downstairs to assemble.
I looked at the time it was almost 10.00, I needed to mop the floor, clean up my clothes, the kitchen had dishes not washed, the bathroom garbage was confiscated, and their clothes were not prepared by themselves.
So I began to assign tasks: "Girl, you take your brother to clean up the kitchen, wash the dishes, and together we will make the home beautiful. ”
The two of them were more cooperative, and I finished cleaning up the garbage and asked my son to put bags on each paper basket.
At this time, the girlfriend also cleaned up the kitchen. I praised them, dragged the floor myself, cleaned up my clothes and the house, left some time to tidy myself up, and was in a relaxed mood.
I told them we had fifteen minutes to go out and that we had to get dressed and get ready, instead of the constant "hurry up, hurry up" urging like before.
Now that I've learned to remind them at the exact time, 5 minutes before the time I left, I said are you ready? They said they were all ready — it was much better than the previous scramble.
The way Chuan Mama taught us to remind our children of time is really fantastic, effectively solving my irritability and complaints. There are also lists, assignment tasks, children's time management and other courses, all of which are very good, there are some that I have not yet practiced and digested, and there are problems that cannot be solved perfectly, but I have done it calmly, without hitting or scolding.
Although it is not perfect enough at present, every day of learning has gains, every day is improved in practice, and every day has surprises
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